Chapters One Way To Graduate Chapter 10
“Are you ready?” Ethan asked like a sign warning ‘last gas for 100 miles’, putting his hands around her back and legs, bunching her knees together. She was squirming still, which worried him, but he knew that wasn’t likely to stop anytime soon. What Ethan didn’t want was a rehash of last summer, fishing with his Dad, reeling in a massive sockeye salmon for half an hour only for the animal to squirm out of his grasp at the last second.
Ethan shook himself from that memory, as Nora was hardly another fish in the sea. He was just nervous. The last thing he wanted to do was drop her.
A determined ‘yes’ in Nora’s simple code gave him the go-ahead, but it was her adoring eyes afterward which gave him strength as he slipped his arms under her and lifted; her butt leaving the safety of her seat. Nora’s diet of carefully-measured formula kept her on the lean side but, even petite as she was, Ethan didn’t exactly manhandle other people on the daily. Nonetheless, his hold was solid and firm, stomping slowly around the chair, around the tablet cantilevered out in his way.
For Nora, being in Ethan’s arms and looking up at him was something remarkable. While a sling and hoist lift like back at home was way easier for her carers, that wasn’t an option here, and Nora was selfishly pleased. She hadn’t been held like this for… many years. Even the pool and such had a lift, that’s why they drove almost two hours to go to that one. But there in Ethan’s bedroom, in that moment without the words ‘safe’ or ‘practical’ within reach; Nora was just a girl with a bit of a twist who sat in a chair like any other, taking a playful break in Ethan’s strong arms, ready for him to carry her over the threshold like in those corny movies, not because he needed to… but because he wanted to.
Ethan tried to hide his heavy breathing when he set her down. Nora’s body flopped out, unsupported on the bedspread, as gravity reminded her who’s boss. There in his bed, she was frighteningly free, her head turning back and forth as her neck got used to his soft pillow, the repetitive action throwing off a slight hint of him, everything so lovely and unfamiliar.
Nora admired the lack of medical equipment in Ethan’s room for a second, the two measly pillows instead of mountains of posturing cushions and tethers, and the fact his bedspread didn’t have the familiar crinkle of a chuck pad underneath. She hoped dearly that her body wouldn’t do anything gross. She would’ve crossed her fingers, if they bent that way…
As her body squirmed slowly in place, Nora wondered for a second when he would put the guard rails up, before quickly wanting to kick herself, almost thankful she didn’t type out something so silly. But with her tablet out of sight, there was no chance. She would need it soon, undoubtedly, but not now. Now was time for much simpler, closer communication.
Ethan leant over her again, turning her by the cheek to look at him through her glasses, which he slipped off and folded on his nightstand next to the half-full cup of orange soda, brushing her hair out of her eyes. He grasped her under the ears and ran his thumbs under her open jaw, in a way Nora now recognized as him asking for permission, which she granted with a new kind of ‘yes’: not looking up but instead at his mouth.
He noticed, lighting up with a sly grin. “Message received.”
He closed Nora’s mouth for her and lent a deep kiss on her lips, which had somehow learned to give in to him even amid her face’s contortions. Nora felt… pleased with her uncooperative body for once, but only for a second. Ethan bit her lip teasingly, eliciting a surprised choking yelp, eyes wide! She felt her body react to her jolt, her angry wing agitated, even hitting and bouncing off his chest. With one hand easily pinning it aside, he couldn’t keep her mouth closed, so settled for her cheek with the same passion, venturing down her neck again, making Nora heat up… everywhere.
“Uuugh!” She caught his attention. A flick of her eyes downward, surveying herself, and back at him was enough, punctuated by another moan. ‘Take off my shirt. I don’t need any more layers than necessary between us.’
He nodded, and left to strip her from the bottom up. Nora would’ve shrugged if she could have, pretty familiar to having things lost in translation… until she realized what he was about to uncover. Wait, no!
If Nora had a wish, a wish for one body part she could control, just one aspect where she could decide anything, snatch back authority from whatever part of her brain was so tangled and damaged from her messy entry into this world; her bladder and bowel would be her choice. Maybe that was an idiotic choice in lieu of nimble hands or a voice that could sing like they did on Glee, but Nora was familiar with living without all that. She never had it; missing it was abstract at best.
But soiling herself and feeling someone else wipe her ass had gone from being barely worth a thought when she was a kid, to the norm in special education class, to horrifyingly embarrassing from the very first time she rolled back into the co-ed classroom after a potty break with every able-bodied eye on her, knowing or guessing what had just happened. And it had only gotten worse with each passing year. Just that night, Vicky had rubbed it in her face, and now her brother was going to wrinkle his nose just the same, as soon as he saw…
Anxious yet again, Nora could only wait there and watch, spasming alone on Ethan’s bed as — unaware of her nerves — he lifted her feet up one by one to unfasten her ankle braces, rolling her leggings up just to rip some velcro, let her floppy feet free, ponder silently over who shaved her legs, and roll them back down again.
He noticed a small grunt when he pulled her heels his way, and then was more careful the next time. What Ethan soon clued into was that Nora’s knees didn’t really extend straight, staying somewhat bent and askew. A life lived sitting in wheelchairs must’ve been the culprit, like with her feet, but he didn’t want to ask, didn’t want to draw attention to her differences. Or to his odd attraction to them.
He left her legs propped up together politely, but the constant movement and gravity’s incessant pull eventually had her knees fall to each side like a book spreading wide, making Nora moan out in pain at the sudden strain on her hips. “AAAAaaauuuhhh!” The pain almost surprised her, as she just never been laid like this, and Nora couldn’t help but worry. If he needed access to her privates to have the sex, and she couldn’t spread her legs… then…
Nora let out an indistinct yelp.
“Oh damn, let me go get something to make that more comfortable, I’m sorry.”
Ethan quickly dug around in his closet for some decorative pillows his Mom had failed to convince him to use for the bed. They weren’t incredibly comfortable, but they were firm and plush. Setting a few down to keep her legs spread but not about to dislocate doing the splits — he didn’t know how legitimate a worry that really was — Ethan made a little cradle for her thighs, the squirming girl looking like a turtle stuck on her back, legs spread and waiting for him. It felt so suggestive and so wrong, as he had gone from holding her in his arms to being sterile and separate; looking over her, preparing her for what was about to happen. What he needed to do was get down there and lay with Nora, hold her, support her. All this unwrapping was a tease, to say the least.
Running his hands up her thin legs as he crawled onto the bed, Ethan grasped under her shirt for the waistband of her pants to pull off.
“EEEEaaah!!” A sharp squeal burst out of Nora, eyes full of worry and cheeks blushing hard as he pulled. Thinking he might have inadvertently hurt her again — touched the thing under her skin or something — Ethan jolted as well, but Nora was straining to look down against her body’s wishes, to peek at how obvious the padded bulge in her tights was, and her worries became clear.
“Hey, do you want me to stop?” he whispered, fingers hooked on the stretchy waistband, paused. Honestly, Ethan knew what he would find — her tights didn’t hide much — and so part of him imagined he might kind of know how Nora must feel in this moment.
It made sense, all in all. Having just graduated from high school yet still being in diapers wasn’t a position Ethan envied. He knew her life had countless roadblocks like this, and they inspired in him a healthy curiosity, but not envy, not even remotely. Tonight was likely yet another rite of passage for Nora in a long line of rites that had to be adapted; accommodated. He would’ve been wary too, in her position. Already, tonight hardly followed the script of the usual flirting first time hookup, and now, in lieu of cute panties, she’d need him to change her diaper, maybe even clean her up before they did anything. That did worry him a bit, but Ethan knew he had promised Nora that things could get messy and he would handle it. He had promised.
He backed off and laid beside her, chaste and distanced before he came to his senses, holding her close with their clothes on, kissing her jawline, running his hand up her thigh and over the obvious bulk wrapping her hips to her waist, as if saying without words, ‘this won’t stop a thing.’
It seemed to ease her somewhat, but Ethan could still see the anxiety in her body’s frantic contortions. “Hey, you know I know, right?”
Nora flicked her eyes up, ‘Yes, but it’s not that simple, I—’
“Are you dirty?” he asked plainly, “Is that what you’re worried about?”
That question had her eyes glancing all over, a nervous side-to-side that was all she had left when ‘yes’ and ‘no’ wouldn’t cut it. That was the worst part… Nora couldn’t really tell. The storm earlier didn’t discriminate which muscles it spasmed and released, and she could easily have wet herself a little bit without noticing, or the other thing.
“Well then let’s just do this. I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you think.”
Ethan held his brave face as he rose onto his knees and once again tried to slide her leggings down. Some shimmying was involved, and nervous spasms too, but this time Nora tried to remember how much she wanted this — wanted him — as first the pastel pink diaper was exposed before her pale legs became bare too. Ethan finally pulled her tights free, cascading through the air into a heap with her discarded braces and wheelchair parts. Looking down, he couldn’t help but admire the disabled girl in his bed, momentarily taken aback by how all that bulk and burden was needed to contain and sustain such a cute little thing. Running his hand up her delicate skin, he noticed how his light touch tickled her, sending her body into more agitated fits. So sensitive, so untouched; Ethan doubled back to rub out the itch and touch her more honestly.
He almost hated to admit it, but the diaper was… a little cute. It wasn’t like the Depends commercials you might see on TV, and it wasn’t as disproportionate as a baby’s either, lying somewhere in the middle. A part of Ethan wanted to shed this lovely girl of her shirt too, to see her in nothing but a bra and diaper, but he had to measure himself. If he did that now, she would undoubtedly get cold. There would be a time for that, and more.
“Let’s see what we’ve got here,” he said mostly to himself, and with a tear of adhesive tape on her hips, and a worried whine from Nora, Ethan held his breath and unwrapped… a semi-recently shaved pussy, smelling of something womanly that hadn’t had a chance to breathe, glistening with nothing dirtier than her attraction to him.
As they both let out their own sighs of relief, Nora squirmed, her thighs tensing together, useless hand rolling against her chest, back arching and pushing out, a blush the only outlet for years of unsated desire. Unabashedly excited, Ethan loathed to mutter a quick “just one sec,” slipping off the bed to slowly pull his shirt off and slip out of his tight jeans — growing tighter by the second — while his eyes explored Nora laid out before him.
Meanwhile Nora got her own treat watching him undress for her, trying to keep her head from turning away like her life depended on it, mostly succeeding. He was lean and lanky but with a confidence to his motions that boys her age didn’t have. It took him no time at all compared to her, pulling his shirt over his head like it was nothing; discarding his pants while standing — pure gymnastics to her. As he crawled into bed again, tight boxer briefs tenting something that made her eyes go wide and her legs twist, Nora tried to move her arms and gesture to her shirt too, silently asking him to finally take it off, but they only waved unsteadily about a foot away from where either her or her body wanted them to be, before tightening back up to her chest.
A small grunt and a glance at her feisty little wing told Ethan he had to do something about that little rascal. Unbinding it from the velcro tether, he pulled her arms out of the way and awkwardly fought them out of her sleeves, pulling the cute green top over her head and, with a three-point shot, into the same pile as the rest. Her bralette — lacy with two snap buttons in the front, inches from her curled hands — was almost pulled off too and sent soaring so it wouldn’t feel left out, but Ethan actually did like the bra-and-diaper look, as odd as he felt admitting it to himself.
He settled down close to the girl he was supposed to be comforting and keeping away from the drama with his sister. Welp… this was one hell of a distraction. Oh how the night had gone down a strange and amazing turn. Now there was nothing in their way! Now they could finally—
A sudden rustling knock of the door came, shocking both the lovers in bed, as two giggling voices — a couple of teenagers — tried to get in!! In panic Ethan hastily flapped her diaper closed and grabbed the comforter under them, wrapping it over, so the couple found themselves swaddled in a burrito of sorts, a mess of pillows and contorted limbs.
The wild party animal kept jiggling the locked knob, before abandoning the effort to find another room, leaving Nora and Ethan to look at each other, suddenly so close together. A silent second passed and they both let out a burst of nervous laughter, with Nora even allowing some low groans in her usual gasp. Ethan didn’t know she had still been holding back, but thought it endearing how she slowly allowed more of her uncoordinated vocalizations to get out with him.
He grasped for a cloth from the bedside table and wiped Nora’s chin.
“That was a close call, if they knew what we were doing in here… Oh my god can you imagine!?” Ethan paused, feigning embarrassment, “God, they might want to join in or something!”
Nora twisted in their little cocoon, doing her best to pout at him, “OOowAA!” ‘You handsy asshole! Don’t tease me like that!’
She tried to pretend-fight him, but her angry arm was pinned underneath, pounding his back randomly; and all her uncoordinated squirming managed to do was weakly kick some pillows and leave the two laughing again… and kissing in their special way.
Taking stock, Ethan could tell the carefully laid out missionary pose he had arranged her in was now totally undone, but with him taking her in his arms, cradling her head, her legs closed, nestled over his, skin on skin; finally in that comfortable closeness he knew had been missing earlier, neither of them were complaining. Inspired with a renewed sense of urgency from that potential invasion, Ethan kissed her passionately on one cheek, holding the other in the cup of his hand, feeling the hint of a smile tense under the surface.
Nora was uncharacteristically at ease in his cradling hold, folded into him, her hips no longer open wide and straining. She wondered how they were going to ‘do it’ now, but she honestly wasn’t worried anymore, confident that Ethan would figure it out. She simply focused on his touch, trailing up her bare legs, spreading them slightly for her as he pushed the diaper through her thigh gap and out of the way.
“Uuuugh” she moaned slightly, quietly, ‘I still need protection.’
That was undoubtedly true in more ways than one, reinforced by how easily his fingers slipped down between her legs to touch her… she didn’t have the words for what he was touching exactly. Her useless arms shook in place, gripping her thumbs even tighter than usual. Her thoughts jumbled and devolved into a rush of shivering energy that had no outlet but a whimpering moan into his chest, as he massaged her somewhere her therapists never dared.
Nora couldn’t help but choke out a giggle, as a curious thought flew through her pleasure-fueled daze. His body… it was as restless as hers, but in a far different way. His hands seemed so strong and confident and wholly unhindered in their search for touch, like hers would be if they had the choice. What surprised Nora about this funny thought, was the peace she had found with her role in this little two-part play. She was the receiver, the admired, the sponge of every graze and grip and kiss and nibble, all sensations that she had never known could be felt — or missed — in her isolated shell of metal, plastic, fabric, and foam. Nora had gone from hating to be the center of her class’s attention to reveling in being the center of his!
As his tactile explorations slipped over her belly up to her chest, grazing her subdermal pump and g-tube port like they were nothing at all, he found her breasts again. Nora squealed! With just a squeeze and a pinch, her left nipple presented itself for further amusement through the thin bralette, poking out, sensitive. Ethan seemed to find all her buttons, including the ones keeping her bralette closed in the front — accessible for her, in theory — and one-handedly unclipped it, the last garment bracing and biting into her now released, his free hand slipping under her kneading fist again.
Just as she was suddenly nude in his embrace, a sudden wave of athetotic spasms gripped Nora and made her shake, roll, convulse in his arms; grunting in dissatisfaction. But with her head in the crook of his left arm, her feisty arm quelled by him laying on it, and his right hand abandoning her breast to save it from her tiny fist, gripping her wrist to keep it at bay, he held her almost as well as her wheelchair, and Nora felt… safe.
Safe even from herself.
She could only look up at the boy, who was grimacing at the sudden onslaught yet subtly pleased with himself for weathering the storm. She coughed a bit and refocused, searching for a reason why he was so unfazed, why he wanted to do this with her, of all people; searching perhaps for why no one else ever had. But even as her face-reading prowess only got her so far, she didn’t doubt. She knew enough about boys from health class and rumors to know that even as sincere as Ethan had been with her, the true test was feeling his unrelenting thing firmly poking into her butt.
Nora tried to take advantage of this frenzy to shift her hips… to give him something in return… but it got lost in the jumbled mix. Entirely unable to reciprocate or make a move, Nora had to simply enjoy how his body pressed into hers as much as her writhing rubbed into him, skin on skin, low moans and grinding continuing on, even as her spell of bad weather passed.
Breathing heavily in heaven, Nora’s thoughts all clicked into place.
She loved how his touch could oscillate from tender and caring to that of a horny young man who wasn’t holding something delicate… who didn’t always wait to take his kiss… who wasn’t letting her stop and get nervous and wait and hold on anymore. With a disability as severe as Nora’s kind of cerebral palsy, there would always be a reason to stop, to pause. What she had misinterpreted earlier as some kind of enjoyment in being taken advantage of wasn’t the real reason she adored being held by him. Through his motions, he told her without words that it wasn’t just okay, that she was sexy, that it didn’t have to be complicated, or if it was he would rise to the challenge.
It was the exact opposite of her carers and therapists, paid to be there and keep her safe at all cost. He was so real… and raw… and she loved it so damn much!
Feeling small and held, Nora felt like Ethan was everywhere around her, and she was surprised to find she wanted him inside her too.