Chapters One Way To Graduate Chapter 3
“Nora’s situation is complex.”
That’s what doctors and therapists had told her parents for years, and how they explained her condition to friends and family, ever since Nora was born under just-as-complex circumstances. It was easier to remember than the myriad terms and disclaimers and medical lingo which never quite described her anyways.
Even with the body parts she could assert control over, like her eyes; Nora only had intentional control, like when you think about breathing. When she unfocused, those eyes would wander, pull up or to the left, and her “lights would go out” as one conscripted assistant in 7th grade had called it. She remembered how that boy would snap in her face over and over, confident she had lost attention in class, while Nora was listening along to the teacher just fine. That was long before Nora could string together whole phrases for herself, or drive her own chair, so many people thought (and still did): if Nora couldn’t control her eyes, or stop her arms swinging out, she surely couldn’t make any other decisions for herself, could she?
Compared to the circle of scantily-dressed girls across the room dancing away, or the gang of guys laughing, chugging far from their first beers, Nora was quite new to making her own choices.
Now that she thought of it, tonight may have been the first night she could truly make her own choices, unfiltered by an attendant or her Mom, once her tablet started behaving again. She just needed some help to do so.
And so Nora “turned the lights on” as Ethan approached, making eye contact with the lanky-but-fit guy with the messy brown hair approaching her. Still her neck wasn’t cooperating, pressing her cheek firmly into the left arm of her headrest, so Nora had to look at him out of the corner of her eye and force a flickering half smile onto her mouth, which was agape as always.
Nora eyed her screen with the greatest intensity she had ever mustered; she couldn’t leave this guy waiting any more than necessary. Luckily, it behaved.
Ethan wasn’t sure if he should be looking at Nora, or the monitor hanging in front of her, as she obviously struggled to reply. He thought about it again. She didn’t seem to be struggling, per se; just focused. The process of using only her eyes to communicate, which was new to Ethan, simply took some time. It was… awkward. Just standing there, holding the drinks, Ethan made sure to smile at Nora periodically so she knew it was fine. He was compelled to fill in the blanks for her, but quickly decided that wouldn’t help and waited for the pre-recorded voice of her big mounted tablet computer to answer.
A girl’s voice, a bit younger-sounding than Nora looked, spoke up. “Yes. Thank you so much. Thank you— Thank— Soda Pop. Please!”
Nora flicked her eye at the orange bottle in Ethan’s hand and back at him, and smiled her crooked smile again. ‘Message sent, and received.’
Nodding, Ethan set the glass on a nearby end table and poured some bubbly orange soda in. He glanced over to Nora’s hands, her wrists tethered to the center of her tabletop with maybe six inches of slack. They were wrapped in something similar to a wrist brace or splint, with fingers tightly curled around a fuzzy fabric palm pad. Her fingers themselves looked slight and smooth from disuse, and the way Nora’s arms erratically moved, pulling at the tether or pushing at the plexiglass tabletop lazily but firmly, made Ethan realize she could not hold a drink, or anything.
“Uhm, can you uh… how do you…?” he stuttered, as it dawned on Ethan a glass container for Nora’s drink was probably the dumbest choice possible.
Without warning, the smaller body of Ethan’s sis butted in between the two. She snatched the glass out of his hand, plopped a straw in, and put it in a cup holder on the far edge of Nora’s tabletop with a too-quick smile.
“There you go, Nora! This is fun, yeah?” Vicky said, almost like addressing a child, before she turned back at her brother with an expression that mixed anger, embarrassment and a death threat, all in one glare.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” she breathed just under the blaring music, right up close, trying to overcome the height difference with some awkward f-bombs. “You said you’d stay in your room!! We had a deal! Suz is fucking crying and now you’re trying to drown a…” she held back the c-word on the tip of her tongue.
Ethan took a deep breath before answering frankly. “Relax. I was just getting a drink. Besides, your friend here seemed kinda on her own so I was making sure she’s comfortable.”
He could not only see but practically hear Victoria roll her eyes at that. “You’re being super dumb right now. Just get the fuck out. Nora’s fine, see? She’s having fun.”
Ethan glanced down at Nora behind his sis, whose eyes were darting frantically between them, the glass out of her reach, and her tablet screen. “Well, maybe we can ask her,” he said simply, knowing how the little control freak would love that.
“Nora, right?” he started. “I’m Ethan, Vicky’s brother. You look pretty solo here, and… uhh…” Ethan paused. It was clear to him that no one else was going to even acknowledge the poor girl, especially if Vicky was acting like this, so he suggested more than he had ever planned to. ”I’m playing some video games in my room if you wanna watch.”
Nora’s eyes flicked between the two siblings standing tall in front of her.
Vicky was being really weird all of a sudden. Nora had never seen her classmate as a source of bountiful patience or whatever, but Vicky was acting like she would have in the halls, when Cole or any of the other sporty guys saw the volunteer walking with a disabled girl to their next class. Every time, Vicky would drift off, or get really short with her or quiet. Of course, that jerk had been invited — and greeted her with such charm — along with a few others Nora knew Vicky was into, so Nora could only guess that Vicky would probably be acting like this all night!
It was becoming obvious to Nora her helper was incredibly embarrassed by her bulky chair, and the monotonous voice, and everything else. Far from surprising, it was a time-honored tradition at this point for people Nora considered ‘friends’, and that just depressed her…
And yet Vicky knew her. She wasn’t a real caretaker, but she had known Nora needed a straw. Not to drink, of course. Nora couldn’t even drink with a straw — she would definitely choke — but she was always excited to get a straw full of soda poured on her tongue, just to taste it. It was a perfect treat, and the rest would have to go in her feed line.
Oh god, Nora thought, I would have to show him my feed line!
This was all so complicated, and being given a choice like this, to stay at the party with girls her age, or go off with this cute boy Nora barely knew? Body tensing in stress, part of her wished her Mom was calling the shots again… until Nora recoiled internally at that reflex.
FUCK. NO.
This was her time to grow up and direct her own life!
Nora looked at her Dynavox and, with pre-compose turned off so she could speak quickly, she said, “That’s nice. I would like to. Short break.”
She glanced past Vicky to smile at her well-intentioned brother, but the princess just gasped, betrayed, and blew up at him!
“Stop it, you prick! You’re messing with everything!” Vicky whined at Ethan, before she conspicuously realized she was drawing even more attention to them, and quieted her voice. ”Ugh… fine!” she drilled her finger into Ethan’s chest. “But if robot girl tells her mom she didn’t have a good time, then you’re paying for the fucking kegger!”
Nora froze, and even her body’s subtle writhing stalled, all tense. She looked up at Vicky, then Ethan. Her mom had paid for the keg? Her mom had… paid Vicky… to invite her? Nora’s heart sank, as the fragile fantasy of being just another normal teenager at a normal aftergrad party shattered to bits.
Everyone in the room was either staring or ignoring her.
‘No one wants me here.’ she thought. ‘I should go home… I should call my… I should…’
Nora had no idea what to do, she was so hurt, and so indecisive, and so scared, and— As her hands gripped the braces so hard she thought she would create diamonds, her strapped-down feet pulling, her body resisting her like it always did; Nora couldn’t hold her voice back any longer.
“EEEEaaaaaaaAAAAAH!” she let out in a squealing cry of despair, tearful and angry at the one person here who she had trusted to care!