Chapters One Way To Graduate Chapter 6
While Ethan was hunched over his keyboard, poring through Dynavox manuals, trying to block out the sound of some glass breaking in the kitchen, Nora was slowly turning her chair in place, looking around, admiring the room. Without siblings, Nora had never been in the room of someone else her age, and she couldn’t help notice how many knick-knacks and souvenirs and things were all around. Back at home, Nora had posters and a flowery pink paint job she had loved as a kid, but hardly any things. She admired some of his trophies, a set of tiny magnets formed into the Eiffel Tower, a baseball in a clear plastic cube. Nora imagined Ethan putting every single one in place himself, by hand, and herself whistling the way people in movies did when they were impressed.
“How do you have so much stuff?” her speaker asked.
Ethan shrugged simply as he skimmed a support forum thread. “I don’t know. Things just come into your life and you hold on before the next trash day comes…”
She frowned inside at that, looking down at her arms extended straight out in front of her, padded fists pressing into the tabletop.
Ethan clued into his careless phrasing one second too late, and tried to change the subject. “Most of this needs to be boxed up anyways when I move. Here, can I take a peek at your machine?”
Nora maneuvered closer and Ethan went hunting for a cable before he plugged his computer in one end and the tablet in the other and—
The screen went black. After a moment of disbelief, Nora panicked, “eeeeeeaaa!!” shaking in her chair, her link to the world around her broken! If he damaged—
The tablet screen lit up again, this time her words and phrases were all gone, replaced with what looked like some 3D space with buildings and people and…
‘What is this?’ she thought, looking at Ethan, whose face had gone pale white.
His gut fell out on him. This was his urban neighborhood project, on Nora’s screen!! A sudden, panicked shame erupted as he apologized and scrambled and skimmed more of the docs and then finally just pulled the cable out, making both their computers go black before returning to normal.
“What was that?” Nora asked once her eyegaze tracker behaved again.
“It was nothing, a project for school, before I was— Your screen acted like a second monitor, I’m sorry I—”
“No. I mean your reaction.” The flat midwestern voice seemed almost accusatory but her limited expression was anything but.
Ethan couldn’t explain it, why he had become so insanely defensive and erratic. Part of it had been fear he had broken Nora’s tablet, her voice, her control to the chair, her connection to the outside world and to him, here. But now that he knew that wasn’t the case, another part was this intense worry… worry his design wasn’t good enough, that he would never get back into school, that he would never escape this little town in the Cascades, worry that he—
“Can I see it again?” Nora’s voice cut through his spiraling.
He shook his head and Nora tried her real voice, “Aaaahhhhh!” something like ‘Come on!’
It seemed to work on him, softening his resolve, even though Nora knew she was anything but smooth. Still, he gradually came around, and closed the dumb game (she had been too polite to say) to reveal a more sparse scene of buildings in white wireframe on his monitor.
“Wait, let me turn on the feature layers…” he muttered, and sure enough, trees filled in the sidewalks and then glass in the storefronts and trash cans and electric scooters and people walking made the street come alive, the colors painting in, cars driving and stopping.
Nora’s jaw would have dropped if it wasn’t already hanging open. She looked back at her screen to speak, flicking her eyes around so deftly, Ethan could almost see the words pouring out of her, still like honey dripping much too slow. Finished, her eyes met his and she beamed. “You made this!? I didn’t know it could look so real!”
“Well it’s mostly the software…” Ethan started but Nora just moaned “UH!!” curtly at him, unamused by his humble deflection, peeking again. She was enamored, and Ethan found his timid clicking turn into the careful pans and orbits of a digital tour guide, showing the girl in her chair all the features and design elements, like how he had the plaza arranged to allow the sun to filter into some building but not others; how the residents all lived above shops; how the bike lanes were protected by the parked cars like he had seen in a photo of Denmark.
He pulled all these random references up for Nora, showing her his rationale even though she knew nothing about design, and yet the girl’s attention was rapt, as her fists tightened, her knees squeezing the bolster. It was all so impressive, and a small but unignorable part of her was actually jealous of Ethan and his able body. He could study all this so easily, not just the tools but the research too, without spending time on care or bowel programs or physical therapy or speech programming, all the myriad of complexities she had to consider before even getting to homework, never mind something Nora even wanted to study. Nora had no idea what she wanted to major in, but it sure as hell wasn’t going to be “disability studies” as one advisor had mentioned. She had more than enough of that on the daily.
Still, that feeling passed quickly, as he kept them moving along.
“You added ramps to the sidewalks and stores.” Nora said simply.
“Well… yeah. Anything new these days should be accessible, shouldn’t it? I think it’s a law.”
Nora didn’t know for certain, but the fact he had still considered people like her in his community design brought a certain flutter to Nora’s tummy.
“I mean it’s the 21st century, you shouldn’t have to ask for a ramp, right? You deserve better. Formaggio’s on Main Street doesn’t have one,” he pointed his thumb at the half-eaten pizza, cold by now. ”I gave a guy a push up the steps like… a month or two ago?”
It took Nora a second to reply, but Ethan had grown used to taking a breath so he didn’t interrupt her. “As good as that place smells. A ramp will not help me. See. I am a very tough customer. Pizza parlors do not like it when your Mom brings in a blender.”
Nora made her best attempt at the sound of a roaring motor spelling a pizza’s demise as the speaker recited its lines, and Ethan let himself chuckle, starting to get her brand of humor. “Yeah, letting pizza be my big pitch was pretty dumb, sorry.”
Almost on cue her open mouth drooled a bit more down her chin and he gave her a wipe, unable to ignore the blushing smile and batting eyes she lent him when he did. Ethan knew this kind of casual care must be banal for her, but it still felt oddly intimate for him, and what’s strange was… she seemed to know it?
He looked back at his screen once another dose of orange crush was being savored.
“You know, honestly, this could be far more accessible. I could put bump stripping leading to the bus stop for the blind, and the sidewalk could be wider, and you know you could just have every business’ front door be motion activated, and…”
Nora just watched the boy in front of her as he gestured at his screen with a passion and consideration she wouldn’t have expected from “Vicky’s dropout brother,” as she had known Ethan before tonight. He went on and on, extrapolating different points of issue for people of all abilities, it was like a floodgate had been opened, but Nora couldn’t help thinking he was being so serious: like just cause she was here, he had to accommodate every disability ever.
Well-meaning as his intentions were, Nora rolled her eyes and began cooking up her own ‘suggestions’ while he spitballed, as she had just a few pet peeves built up over the years… like how his apartments needed narrower halls and smaller bathrooms, big clawfoot tubs, and shaggy carpets; and she even gave him some notes about moving outside in a big chair, making sure the sidewalks and park paths were all brick — all different kinds, if possible! The more her body shook, the better, like a workout! She didn’t need to mention the massive pothole her Mom had hit outside. “…more of those, please!”
Ethan got the joke immediately but sat through the whole spiel, shaking his head with a grin while Nora squealed over top of her own words, wishing they had a bit more tongue-in-cheek. “You think you’re sooo funny,” he smirked at her.
“Aaaaahhhhhh” she looked up to confirm, ‘you bet your ass,’ tongue flexing out and back, firmly not in cheek.
“Okay, but opposite day aside, this is what I’m talking about! I never would have thought of the bricks. Maybe I should get more of your thoughts sometime, based on your… uhm… experience. I mean… this whole model is just a dumb idea to get back into school, or maybe an internship in the city, but we could sort of collaborate on this… if you want.”
Ethan looked back at Nora, having not at all expected the evening to go down this rabbit hole, and found her far more lit up and invested than he imagined, even if she couldn’t express that excitement physically, beyond some agitated squirming in her chair, her balled fists pawing at the table unsteadily.
“I would like that.” she typed, and he nodded, smiling at her.
“Yeah… me too.”
The two of them held eyes for a second too long, both kind of understanding what the other was thinking, almost. Ethan knew he was muting her with his stare but he couldn’t imagine any words to fill the space, any that would match this feeling of acceptance and relief after he had been so wound up about the whole thing. Her excitement, and the chance to explain his ideas without pressure, had just dissolved a huge block he didn’t even know he had.
Nora finally broke off, to say, “Did you forget about something? A-S-S-H-O-L-E?”
He had indeed, by about the fourth letter being spelled out to him by the steady, pre-recorded voice, he knew exactly what he had to do.
Connecting their computers via a different port — one which wouldn’t give them both a heart attack this time — Ethan opened a Dynavox configuration tool, and found himself faced with a lock screen. He looked at Nora, disappointed with the roadblock. “I think the princess is in another castle. If there’s a passcode I can’t change any—”
“1. 2. 3. 4.” Nora’s computer spouted as her eyes ticked each button.
“What?” Ethan looked at her incredulously.
“1234,” she repeated alongside, “Uhhhhah!”
Sure, the passcode worked on his first try, but Ethan found himself scrolling through language menus and permissions toggles with his eyes glazed over. He couldn’t hold his tongue.
“Your mom put the password as 1234… right in front of you.” It wasn’t really a question, more a realization.
It took a moment, but he dared not turn his chair before the voice spoke, “Yes. What is the matter? It looks like it worked. Did it not work?”
Ethan flipped a toggle or two and saved the config with the same filename so no one would notice a change. “Yeah it worked, but don’t you think it’s kinda fucked?” He swiveled his chair to look at Nora and her brow was twitching, furrowing unsteadily as her eyes held steady on him, obviously prodding him to continue. “You’re… pretty much an adult in there, and you still have parental guides in place and… you know the password, your ‘rents didn’t even come up with something hard to guess, they just relied on you not being able to push a button or touch a screen to… free yourself.”
Nora glanced at her screen, ready to hop to her Mom’s defense, but she hovered over the “No” button long enough there were like a dozen denials entered into the composition box. She cleared everything and began a new sentence, hitting the Question folder and selecting “Why”, before the autocomplete “is” and back to the home screen “that”. Here Nora savored the feeling of creating a new word shortcut and typing out “F-U-C-K” and looking at the save button only for it to… save! No warning popup!
The cursor wobbled and wandered as Nora speedily flipped until she was on her last page of buttons, words, symbols, meanings, unreachable syllables… “fuck,” past tense, “fucked.”
“Why is that fucked?” Nora heard her tablet finally say the word properly, not just spelling out the unpermitted words this time, but letting them ring from her voice!
Distracted by the feeling of shedding a few more tethers, Nora quickly added a few more swear buttons and started riffing with her eyes, as pumped as the first day she got her tablet, turning off pre-compose, inundating Ethan with, “Fuck. Shit. Titties. Bullshit. Asshole…”
Ethan couldn’t help but be swept up by Nora’s absolute beaming and squealing at him once she heard the young girl’s voice finally recite a half-decent impression of Carlin’s seven dirty words, and he let the password issue slide. Nora’s evening had been hard enough already, and Ethan simply swallowed his concern; she needed a win.
“Oh shit, what have I unleashed here?” he teased, to which Nora replied with another stream of insults and cusses in glee.
He gave her some more soda while her eyes were busy.
“Thank you for my graduation present. Ethan. You are a fuck-ing amazing friend for doing this.” Nora smiled so hard at him her eyes almost squinted shut.
“Of course, Nora. You’re a really special girl… I mean… if there is anything else I can unlock, these hands are here.” he winced at his wording and let a smile suffice as Nora typed back.
“I told you! You are handsy, asshole!” she laughed, tensing completely and squealing.
It was only when Nora didn’t un-tense that Ethan let his smile fall; and when her eyes rolled up to the left he reached out to shake her shoulder; and when her jaw opened so wide it cracked, he felt for if she was still breathing; and when her face pressed hard to the left he tried to make eye contact again, calling her name; and when her wrist tethers were taut enough to strum he ran to the door to get Vicky; and when he touched the doorknob he heard behind him, “Don’t leave me.”