Chapters A Report from the Farm Part 1
[Memory Log: Central Implant v2.4, Gabriela Reas]
[LOG: Subject has been online for approximately 1.5 days, and at our training farm for 0.5 days]
Oh god, they can’t do this!! My life wasn’t supposed to go this way, I’m a free woman, you assholes can’t do this!!!!
Those monsters at the… the clinic?… I’m trying to remember them… it’s all so fuzzy… a needle… then a box… tight, stuffy, no air… then here… I need to take stock of what’s left… but oh my god though, what’s even left?! They’ve changed me… into some sort of… fucking… perverted… horse… thing! Shipped me who-knows-how-far away from home?! And… and put me in this stable. On this “training farm”?? Where I am now… the voice in my head told me that.
The Voice. Like, what the fuck?!? Ok. No. Its simple. I’m just going crazy. I’ve had a serious trauma and I’m— [SANITY 98%: WITHIN STANDARD DEVIATION] Can anyone else hear that?!?! Is that me or them??
Everything has changed so fast since I woke up to this nightmare, and this rollercoaster I’m on… it’s all I can grasp right now… grasp… nononono… fuckers! You fucking sadistic fucks!!
Why… why can’t I stop crying? I… need to pull myself together… together…
Oh what’s the fucking use? Even if someone finds me… my… my life is over!!
[LOG: Subject has been online for approximately 2.5 days, and at our training farm for 1.5 days]
Whatever the hell they put in my head… that voice… I… I can feel it working, whispering things to me just lower than I can hear… or yelling things I soon forget… nothing between those strange extremes. This morning it told me that I have less than a week of “memory space” left. I mean… I’m not a computer, there’s no way it can pick and choose and delete things out of my head… can it? Then again… everything it’s told me has been true so far, why would it lie? Am I going to really forget everything? After… after I’m out of space, I guess I’ll forget waking up like this…freak that I am now. Or, on second thought, I guess I’ll have forgotten what it was like to not wake up like this… No! I can’t cry right now, not anymore… I have to stay strong, resist this, all of them! This isn’t me. This can’t be my life.
I have no idea how long I was out while they made me into this… thing, but before then I would have never thought hands and arms were too much to ask for. Now… well… now I’m absolutely helpless. I can’t really look all the way down, something about my neck, but when I caught a glimpse in a mirror on my way to the stable they’re keeping me in, my heart nearly collapsed. I know it now, as I feel the cool air against my sides: my arms are… gone, just…nothing… just empty shoulders. I…I can’t… touch… I can’t hold someone’s hand… I can’t… I can’t deal with this much longer! I MEAN WHAT THE F— [RESET TRAIN OF THOUGHT] [MAX ANGER -50%]
…huh? I…I just don’t know what to do when it says things like that. Sometimes I can remember the commands the Voice gives me, but other times… other times all I know is that something has been changed abruptly in me; in the very core of me. It feels like… like I’m waking up from a daydream, I just find myself staring at a wall and I know I’ve lost something again, that something is missing. It’s been happening since I woke up… and it’s fucking scary! I’ve tried begging it to stop, and it obviously doesn’t respond to my thoughts directed toward it… but every so often it does these damn adjustments, so I have to control myself; I can’t panic again like this morning. I lost my ability to speak when I tried to demand the farmhand let me free, and now I can’t utter anything more articulate than a fucking moan. I mean, really! I just sound like some… some kind of… I can’t believe I’m going to think this… some kind of slut!
Come on assholes, what kind of horse sounds like this?! That said, what kind of horse looks like this? Puffy lips I can hardly move? Huge, fake boobs that this corset holds up high? I must look like some fucking teenager’s wet dream, strutting around like this. And of course I have no way to hide my most private areas, nipples exposed way beyond my… reach… don’t cry… and nothing below but a nefarious leather strap running between my labia, rubbing me as I move. Disgusting!
Of course, if I had arms I would rip this leather corset and tack off of me. Its biting into my sides so damn much! [PAIN -10% CONTENTEDNESS +50%] …oh it’s not so bad. I don’t really need to see anywhere other than straight ahead, so my blinders aren’t anything to worry about. That said, whatever they did to my feet still has me stumbling. It feels like there’s some sort of thin, black, rubber-like coating all over them, from my ankle to between all my toes. I’ve tried kicking the plastic off, but it’s not like they’re shoes… this material is glued on or something. It feels… It feels kind of like when I was a young girl, my toes deep in the cool clay of the lakebed by my— [PONIES MUST KEEP CLEAN, LOOK THEIR BEST: MEMORY DELETED] m-my… I loved that memory. That’s all I remember now… how much I loved… where was I? Oh yeah… this black coating on my feet is so annoying. Its thicker on the bottom, like sneakers but more flexible. I just can’t… get… it… off!! Ugh… I’m fucking useless now.
If nothing else, the most aggravating part is that it’s taken away what little prehensility on my remaining digits that I may have had left. Covering them like tough rubber socks, It’s taken away any chance of using my toes to get out or write a messa— [WRITTEN LANGUAGE COMPREHENSION ERASED] [LARGE DELETION, REBOOT NOW] No… I…. I… OW! NO! This fucking headache… whyyyy… I know that white sign… on the crossbeam… it used to say “Pony Stables” but now… but now I just don’t know… “Ro—,” noooo, that’s not right… I’m… losing myself… I can feel it… They’re… making me… into… some… sort of… animal….
[LOG: Subject slept after deep clean and reboot for 8h21m47s, Low REM restriction active]
Bright lights, the squeaky shutters on the barn’s skylights are open now. There goes my habit of sleeping in, what is it, 6, 7am? I had the worst dreams last night… It was like a movie, flickering on and off, and I was… I was a horse, running outside along a path, with the cool air in my mane— Okay, there’s no way I dreamt that myself. They couldn’t be controlling my dreams, could they? Was that me or the Voice? Are you there? Gonna answer me today? Talk to me!! ANYTHING!!!!
…
Nothing.
My neck hurts. Not because I couldn’t kick together enough hay on the ground to make a pillow last night, honestly I don’t even remember falling asleep. No, its because it’s been severely limited since I woke up from my mutilations [REPLACE: IMPROVEMENTS]. Along with this damn underbust corset and my shoulders permanently pulling back like the time I broke my collarbone snowboarding and— [HUMAN LEISURE: MEMORY ERASED] …and had to wear… brace? Brace for what? What was I… my… my neck is fixed looking straight forward now. I can nod slightly, and turn a bit side-to-side, but not more than— [HIGH ORDER MATHS DISABLED] …degrees… more than… well… not much at all.
It’s made it hard to take stock of what they did to me, those fuckers. I can’t even look down to see how much of my shoulders are left, just my tits, so big they peek into my frame of view. This is so wrong, it’s all so wrong!!! I mean, they took a goddamn scalpel and improved me!
Wait. No, I said impro— No, I said improve— THEY FUCKED ME UP!! THEY’VE FUCKED MY WHOLE LIFE UP!! THOSE FU— [RESET TRAIN OF THOUGHT]
…I’m looking at the stable gate. I think I lost something again.