Stories One Way To Graduate
Ethan and Nora are two people who would usually never cross paths, but when Ethan’s sister Vicky invites the severely-disabled Nora over for an aftergrad party on false pretenses, Ethan has to step in. What follows is not a conventional romance, its a telling of one night shared by two students with incredibly different lives as they grow closer, and learn to understand each other.
File this under disability stories, this one has elements of bondage in Nora’s tethers and fixtures and her body’s limitations, but there’s little kink here otherwise. A high school romance I never thought I would write, this story was a roleplay I threw in a blender and refined while other ideas were stewing, before it grew into a longer, more detailed story.
Thanks to aliasMV for editing this one, and helping along the way!
Chapter 1
“Oh boy, here we go…”
Ethan’s sigh filled the soon-to-be invaded peace of his bedroom, as pop music permeated the single-story house, from roof to floorboards. Despite having a pitiful stereo in the family room, the walls still rattled with muddy bass. The 25-year-old could only rub his temples and try to relax after the initial blast, desperately hoping the party wouldn’t get too crazy, and more importantly that he would have no part in it.
Victoria, or rather, Vicky had called every single one of her friends to come over for the “best grad party ever held in Rainier,” a pitifully low bar, and yet still one he had no interest in competing for. She had bribed Ethan with a night for himself, alone in this house, for him to invite friends, or a special someone else. Of course Ethan had accepted, only for his date to cancel on him last minute, so a quiet evening with chips and beer was all he got out of that deal. Had it been worth it?
The thin walls shook as the bass dropped, and Ethan spotted the time: only 7:12pm.
Definitely not.
Ethan hoped he’d have no reason to exit his room and be forced to interact with Vicky’s friends. No good story started with a college dropout wasting his night with a bunch of high school seniors — well, graduates now. Besides, Ethan knew he’d feel old just hearing them talk. So here he was, a pizza box on his bed, his mouse in his right hand and the WASD keys in his left as he tried to drown it all out.
Of course, he had seen this coming as soon as his parents announced they’d be leaving for the weekend for Aunt Dorothy’s funeral. They both trusted their children to be responsible adults during that time, but Ethan knew Vicky was teetering on the line. A bunch of minors in a big house party like this? Coming-of-age movies had writ the plot in stone at this point. He just hoped it wouldn’t come to that, for his own sake.
Sitting in the back of her van, Nora’s chair jostled and rattled, the long metal arm holding her tablet bouncing up and down with every pothole they hit on the long-neglected forest roads.
Her mom turned down the pop-country and glanced into the rear-view mirror. “I’m surprised Vicky would hold a party like this, her parents always seemed so buttoned-up to me.”
“Aaaaahhhh,” Nora moaned in agreement, glancing up at the van roof. An old habit.
Looking at the unwieldy tablet mounted in front of her, Nora scanned each button with her eyes, searching in subsets and folders for what she wanted to say, all the while her fists clenched with concentration and her knees squeezed the foam divider between them, her cheek pushing not so gently into the headrest arm to the left.
“I am. Surprised. Invitation!” eventually erupted from the tablet’s speaker, in the sweet voice of a girl from Wisconsin, resimulated and slightly digital, but better than Siri or Alexa, and a far cry from Microsoft Sam. It was Nora’s voice, even if it had been donated.
Her mom nearly looked back but thought twice and kept her eyes on the road as the one town cop drove past. “Oh Nora, don’t say that! You deserve to let loose as much as any of your classmates. You graduated just like them, same tests, same marks, no easy road. Work hard, play hard, as I always say! Now… are you sure you don’t want me to come in? In case you have an acc—”
“NNNNNNNNNGGGG” Nora nearly wailed, if her throat would untighten for just a second. Her mom was sincere, generous, selfless, but wow could she be overbearing, and tonight that’s the last thing Nora needed.
Besides, they had done a full bowel routine right before putting this fun forest green v-neck and black tights on under all her braces and security straps. You could still see the bulky pad of her diaper, but looking down at herself with a not-inconsiderable bit of struggle against her body’s various pulls and spasms, Nora realized the clear acrylic tabletop her wrists were tethered to made the bulge pretty hard to make out.
Thank God. Nora thought to herself, her mouth hanging open yet silent. Her head pressed to the left again when they hit another bump, stressing her out as the heavy communicator bounced on the end of its mast. Nora couldn’t track her eyes properly until it settled down.
“I am. I will be. Fine. Mom. Thank you.”
“Of course, sweetie.” her Mom lilted, pulling up to Vicky’s place, top-40s faintly audible from the street.
Nora’s body twisted in her chair as she waited, slowly, but ceaselessly. It was her first high school party… and since graduation had been only a few days back, she wasn’t even in high school anymore. Better late than never!
With the van parked, door opened, ramp lowered, and quite a few hooks and anchors released, Nora was finally free to eye the ‘forward’ arrow on her screen, but not before her Mom replaced the damp bandana bib under her gaping mouth and gave her a peck on the forehead, causing her to moan “Guhhhh!” with her cheeks glowing beet red, hoping no one saw from the window.
It was somewhat exciting for Nora to drive her chair up the street to the nearest driveway curb, down the sidewalk, and up to Vicky’s door. Her mom had of course offered to ensure she got inside, but Nora asserted she was a big girl, that it wasn’t too far, that Vicky and her friends would help her without a doubt!
By only a few minutes, though, Nora was wishing she had said yes, her attendant joystick on the handlebar behind her always made for a smoother ride than relying on her eyes to drive. Moving forward, not-quite parallel to the sidewalk, drifting left, stopping, turning a hair right, correcting too far the other way; Nora made a lazy zigzag all the way to the source of the music. A few bumps and barriers made her nervous, never at risk of actually getting stuck, just for the strangeness of being without someone, anyone, for this brief moment. It was so freeing for the teenager, who had only a few years earlier been without a voice or a way to direct her own chair, to now be able to drive her own uncooperative body up the street to a friend’s house.
By the time Nora got herself to the unfamiliar front door, the nervousness and excitement and focus had taken its toll. Her body was spasming hard, as it always did when she didnt let it have its way, her knuckles white as they gripped the fuzzy braces tightly. If they hadn’t been tethered down by the soft cuffs on her wrists, those fists would have been straight out, back, forward, reaching all around, getting in the way of her eyegaze; and besides how much Nora hated hitting people, the last thing she needed was more attention. With those troublesome appendages anchored down, though, just like her legs and chest and the rest of her, Nora was pretty confident, sitting there looking at the door. Sure her mouth was half-open, drooling a bit onto the cloth below, but Nora had been doing that all her life, and Vicky had never had a problem wiping that up in class, had she?
Nora was confident, until she realized she didn’t have someone with her to reach out and hit the doorbell. ‘Why didn’t I think of this?’
Discouraged, Nora didn’t need head control to know that her Mom’s van and all its safety was somewhere behind her, watching, waiting for her to get inside, and she almost turned around to head back, to go home.
‘No.’ A little voice told her. ‘You can do this.’
Nora steeled herself, her face twitching and slack-jawed, yet her eyes fiery; determined not to run away from something so simple.
Those eyes — the only thing Nora had confident control over, and only when she asserted it — they razed her Connect menus, drilling into each icon until they opened up and spilled their contents on the display, finally landing on her phone’s remote control. The phone itself was pinned to her thigh by her tight leggings, where Nora could feel it buzz, but she wrote on-screen, “Hey V!!! I am just chilling outside your front door, can you open up?”
No answer.
The music blared and Nora couldn’t hear anyone coming, nor the familiar buzz of a text. She shot off another message, but still the same null response. Where was she?
‘If Vicky knew I was coming why wasn’t she ready? She knows my situation.’ Nora worried. Yet it wasn’t long before she had devised a backup plan. She could knock, if she really wanted to.
Nora eyed the arrows and nudged her chair closer, gently, until her footrest was close to the door, the one her pretty, unscuffed shoes were strapped firmly to, and then Nora nudged her chair hard! Twice! It was clumsy, but the closest she could make to a “knock.”
Just when Nora was about to try again, the door finally opened and there stood Cole, the hottest guy in their graduating class, standing like a deer in headlights, looking down at her with a red solo cup in his hand.
Nora blushed hard, looked at her tablet to say “Hi”, but didn’t have the time before Cole shouted the worst thing she had heard in months…
“Vickyyy!? What the fuck?! YOU INVITED THE VEGETABLE?!”
Chapter 2
Ripping a bite out of his third slice, Ethan was locked on his monitor.
He really wished he had the concentration to listen to some loud music as he played, just to drown out the party, but then again that was Ethan’s problem, wasn’t it? Focus. It was why he couldn’t get through his second year of architecture, why he had to come home, why he had to deal with his kid sister’s parties and irresponsibility.
“You show so much promise,” was what they always said, only for Ethan’s attention to wander halfway through a single lecture.
He eyed the other open window, minimized. AutoCad. His project to get back into school, or just an internship, his last ditch effort to show them how proficient he could be, if only he could focus. Ethan knew better than to open it now, the blaring music would only distract him again, so his eyes grew rapt with fighting the monsters on his screen.
Ethan tried his best to ignore the girly sounds of celebration outside his door as the fight got tougher in his little world behind the screen. He got tense as he played, his hand curling around the mouse and his simple office chair suddenly uncomfortable.
A small cutscene with dialogue interrupted the gameplay before this new enemy attacked. She was fast, and hit like a truck too! Ethan just needed to play it cool, keep his shield up and not get distracted. The enemy flapped her wings and rushed towards him! Now or never!
“YOU INVITED THE VEGETABLE?!”
A single voice cut through the pop music and broke Ethan’s hair-thin attention, drawing his eye towards the closed door in complete dumb surprise as the boss’ swords dealt a killing blow.
Glancing back at the screen, Ethan knew this run was over. His character respawned in the first level, at which point he muttered “nope” and closed the game, revealing his medium-density community design, which he quickly minimized again for the millionth time, almost muscle memory to avoid what he should be working on. He needed to breathe, maybe play something less stressful.
Ethan leaned back… then eyed the door again. ‘Vegetable.’ Had he heard that right? Maybe zoomers were being zoomers again. He didn’t know. Maybe ‘vegetable’ suddenly meant something else, like ‘fruit’ had kind of evaporated. Ethan sighed; he didn’t miss high school one bit. He was curious what was going on though, and at the very least he needed a drink.
He really didn’t want to be a creep, slipping out of his room so timidly, but then again having to deal with introductions, judgemental glances, and the general stress of trying to act aloof enough to impress a bunch of kids wasn’t really worth it. Sliding into the kitchen, it seemed the party was concentrated in the living room, a surprisingly responsible choice from Vicky. Then again, the sun was still beaming over the mountains. Plenty of time for this to get properly crazy.
An eye over his shoulder, Ethan opened the fridge to find all his beer missing, save for the cardboard. Eyeing a bottle of Orange Crush and swearing, he grabbed that instead and closed the—
“Hey Ethan.”
Fuck! He bit his tongue and smiled thinly at the small figure behind the fridge door. Suzie, his sister’s BFF was standing there, sipping one of his cans! How did she get there, how fast? Always loitering around Vicky, Suzie had this indescribably awkward presence, and a talent to get close to Ethan whenever possible.
“Oh. Hey. Party’s going well, I hope,” he offered politely.
“It can always get better. Why don’t you join? We could all hang out and chat and…” she started, but Ethan was suddenly hit by a glare of the sun, from a car or something, hitting him square in the eyes. He squinted towards the hall, spotting the silhouette of a stocky guy standing in the doorframe in front of… it looked like an equipment cart on the front porch.
“Why is the front door open?” he squinted.
Suzie followed Ethan’s line of sight, “Oh my god, that’s Nora. I can’t believe she actually came!”
The guy shifted, and sure enough, there was a face among the apparatus, and Ethan was embarrassed to finally recognize a very elaborate wheelchair there, with a desktop tray thing, and a computer, and straps and… it was a lot.
“We call her robot girl.” she added under her breath.
Ethan gave Suzie a sharp look.
“What?! It’s better than ‘the vegetable!’”
Ethan couldn’t disagree, suddenly remembering his sister whining about having to take care of “some stupid special needs idiot” at school to buff up her college applications. It had been through those thin walls, to Suzie or another friend, definitely not to him or their parents, or he would have remembered her being chewed out for being so insensitive.
Though, had he been any better at eighteen? Ethan couldn’t answer that question.
Shaking his head, he grabbed a glass.
The girl Ethan had noticed was actually on the verge of tears by the time her helper pushed past the jock.
“Hey asshole… she’s not deaf! You want her dad stomping your ass?” Vicky warned, getting up to Nora’s chair to grab her joystick somewhere behind, by the push bar.
Furious, embarrassed, deflated, Nora sat there, trapped, wishing for the millionth time that she had Vicky’s sharp tongue. The disheartened girl could plainly see all the words she had bottling up in her throat, spread across icons and buttons on her screen, just out of reach. The eyegaze was acting up, the pointer dashing all around so she couldn’t hover over what she wanted to say. Her teary eyes instead drilled into Cole, who wouldn’t look at her directly, instead focusing on Vicky, above, behind.
“Who the hell are you waving at?”
“Her mom! Who could also stomp your ass, lifting this one every day.”
Vicky’s defense tasted a bit sour to Nora, hurting her pride, but she knew she was a burden, so stomached the slight. Her cradling headrest keeping her tense neck pointed forward, Nora only heard her Mom start the engine and drive off. She was on her own now.
“Fuck, man, get out of the way!” Vicky spit at Cole. “I need to get her inside.”
And he did, with a disgusted glare which Nora returned, best she could, as her chair was pushed and driven over the threshold, albeit clumsily, and parked in the far corner of the living room. There were maybe twenty people already there in the house, music blaring, and they were all quiet, staring for an uncomfortably long moment.
Nora looked at the screen again, trying to blink away the tears and try again. Even if it were responding, Nora’s “voice” wasn’t really built for quick comebacks. Besides taking half a minute just to string a sentence together on the best of days, the tablet didn’t even allow saving swear words into buttons for quick-access. Sometimes Nora felt like such a child, being pushed around and cleaned up after, even as her tongue-tied mouth wanted to tell Cole to ‘fuck right off!’
Looking at the screen again, it was a bit better. Her cursor hovered over “Thank you” …before wandering away.
Damn it!
Still Nora kept her real voice silent; she didn’t like how people looked at her when she tried to speak. Sometimes it was too loud, other times embarrassingly deep or squealy; but never, not after years of speech therapy, never had it resembled intelligible words.
She tried the eyegaze again, almost usable.
Vicky picked up the cloth bib draped across her chest and wiped Nora’s chin, before crouching down beside her chair. “I’m sorry about Cole. Too many tackles to the head, you know how boys are! You ok? You came all prepared to have a good time?”
Nora looked up for ‘yes’ and her caretaker for the night smiled.
“Yeah, you look… cute! And I saw your changing bag hanging behind you. You’re not gonna make me pull a school nurse routine tonight, are you? Please? No messes?” Vicky intoned a bit too loud for Nora’s liking.
She frowned but not much of it showed on her shifting face.
Nora knew she was a burden… but that was a kind of mean way to say it. Still, the guest strapped into her chair looked down for ‘no’, and Vicky piped up, “Spectacular! So glad we are on the same page!”
The host of the party jumped to her feet and Nora could get a full view of the cute, shoulderless top and jean shorts she was wearing, the heels, simple gold accents too. It was altogether a pretty little ensemble that Nora unfortunately thought looked better on her friend than it ever would have on her twisted body.
Of course, Nora thought herself pretty enough; sandy blonde hair and big cute wire-frame glasses firmly hooked over her ears, but it was undeniable that she didn’t look like everyone else. Deformed slightly from the strange mix of spasticity and paralysis that her brain ordered up for her nervous system all day long; the lack of weight-bearing made Nora’s feet twist oddly; her joints (knees especially) didn’t bend all the way, too used to sitting in chairs; her muscle tone was irregular, her slim frame softer in some places of total atrophy and rock hard in others from endless searing tension; and her face was passably cute until she tried to use it. She thought her breasts were nice at least, perky and soft, and hopefully someone would like what they saw… someday…
Nora took relaxants, of course, along with a bevy of other medication, but growing up her whole life in a chair; Nora had to be realistic. She was cute, maybe pretty, but not shoulderless-crop-top-and-short-shorts pretty.
It was tough not to be jealous of Vicky. All her friends were here, and even though Nora had been invited, she had only passed by these people in the hall, sat across from them in classes, maybe exchanged a few words here and there when a teacher forced them to.
Sitting alone, Nora tried to enjoy the music, moving her arm up and down in time to the beat, but of course it just hit the tabletop and pulled at the security tether in random intervals, loudly, awkwardly, drawing attention.
Vicky looked at her “dancing” in a strange way Nora couldn’t interpret, and then walked off before she could ask for a drink.
“Yeah, I can’t believe robot girl actually came!” Suzie said yet again, the two of them joined by more girls, one of which Ethan was eyeing to possibly dilute the drink she was pounding. Someone had bought a keg. Messy.
“Mhmm.” Ethan muttered to entertain her, drowned out by the music. Suzie’s whole vibe didn’t sit well with him, and as often as he eyed the hallway back to his room, she tugged at his arm like a little girl who wanted a plush to hug. Deciding to be polite, he nodded and smiled at the inane conversation. He did not want to hurt her feelings, she was just young after all.
Eventually the topic turned back to Nora.
“Your sis is amazing, you know?” Suzie continued as Vicky burst past the douchebag-looking guy at the door and pushed the disabled girl in, settling her and her bulky wheelchair close to the music by the living room. “She’s such a good soul. Doing her best to help Nora out in class, making sure she doesn’t drool on her notebooks. Giving her a chance to be normal, even with everyone talking behind her back.”
Trying to ignore the ingratiating girl, Ethan’s eyes kept settling on Nora just sitting there in the corner, her arms… tied down? It didn’t look precisely out of place, with all the other bracing, but he wondered why anyone would ever do that, until her arm banged on her tabletop twice, somewhat in time with the music, and Ethan could see her whole body convulsed as she did, totally tense and uncoordinated, before settling back down.
Curious.
Ethan knew Suzie was speaking, and what’s more he knew he was staring impolitely, but in between polite nods he couldn’t pull his eyes away.
The girl’s face was clear of the acne of her classmates, yet slack-jawed, a twitching smile and roving jaw and tongue leaving it hard to read her expression. Yet Ethan looked from the straps and bars and braces and chair up to her eyes, and while they wandered a bit, they were clear, insecure, searching. She seemed to be alone in the living room, as the group had now been distracted by some guy’s dancing. It’s almost as if they had reformed their circle away from her, and Ethan suddenly noticed the kitchen, which had been empty when he was searching for a drink, was now loud and a bit crowded. Ethan looked back at Suzie, her baby blues on him as she flashed her most winning smile.
“You had it soooo lucky before they integrated the classes, Ethan, seriously!”
He couldn’t believe where their conversation had ended up, distracted as he was, and his stomach sort of twisted, unable to hold back the filter any longer.
“You know how cruel you’re being, don’t you?”
Suzie and the other two girls just froze, their dumb smiles fading fast, and Ethan left the kitchen towards the living room — or rather took two steps, before turning back to grab the pop and an extra glass from the cupboard.
Ethan strode into the living room, some of the high-schoolers giving him a few looks as he approached and crossed the seven degrees of ostracism around Nora’s wheelchair. He was not too sure if she had noticed, with her eyes roaming about, her head moving from side to side in the cradle that held it in place, and her open mouth twitching, drool dripping down her chin like Suzie had mentioned so callously. He honestly had no idea what the girl’s condition was yet, but from what he could surmise from Vicky and Suzie’s complaining, he just had to imagine there was a normal, 18-year-old graduate inside that distorted body.
“Hey! Glad you could make it.” Ethan said, trying not to speak down to the literally wheelchair-bound girl, but also trying not to sound like that one receptionist in every soulless company who was contractually obligated to speak to you. He shook himself out of his own head. “You want a drink? I got some orange soda, there’s also cola, and probably some stuff I’d get jail time for mentioning.” Ethan added with a chuckle.
Nora’s eyes became clear as day, looking right at him, and the tips of her open mouth tensed up in a clumsy smile.
Chapter 3
“Nora’s situation is complex.”
That’s what doctors and therapists had told her parents for years, and how they explained her condition to friends and family, ever since Nora was born under just-as-complex circumstances. It was easier to remember than the myriad terms and disclaimers and medical lingo which never quite described her anyways.
Even with the body parts she could assert control over, like her eyes; Nora only had intentional control, like when you think about breathing. When she unfocused, those eyes would wander, pull up or to the left, and her “lights would go out” as one conscripted assistant in 7th grade had called it. She remembered how that boy would snap in her face over and over, confident she had lost attention in class, while Nora was listening along to the teacher just fine. That was long before Nora could string together whole phrases for herself, or drive her own chair, so many people thought (and still did): if Nora couldn’t control her eyes, or stop her arms swinging out, she surely couldn’t make any other decisions for herself, could she?
Compared to the circle of scantily-dressed girls across the room dancing away, or the gang of guys laughing, chugging far from their first beers, Nora was quite new to making her own choices.
Now that she thought of it, tonight may have been the first night she could truly make her own choices, unfiltered by an attendant or her Mom, once her tablet started behaving again. She just needed some help to do so.
And so Nora “turned the lights on” as Ethan approached, making eye contact with the lanky-but-fit guy with the messy brown hair approaching her. Still her neck wasn’t cooperating, pressing her cheek firmly into the left arm of her headrest, so Nora had to look at him out of the corner of her eye and force a flickering half smile onto her mouth, which was agape as always.
Nora eyed her screen with the greatest intensity she had ever mustered; she couldn’t leave this guy waiting any more than necessary. Luckily, it behaved.
Ethan wasn’t sure if he should be looking at Nora, or the monitor hanging in front of her, as she obviously struggled to reply. He thought about it again. She didn’t seem to be struggling, per se; just focused. The process of using only her eyes to communicate, which was new to Ethan, simply took some time. It was… awkward. Just standing there, holding the drinks, Ethan made sure to smile at Nora periodically so she knew it was fine. He was compelled to fill in the blanks for her, but quickly decided that wouldn’t help and waited for the pre-recorded voice of her big mounted tablet computer to answer.
A girl’s voice, a bit younger-sounding than Nora looked, spoke up. “Yes. Thank you so much. Thank you— Thank— Soda Pop. Please!”
Nora flicked her eye at the orange bottle in Ethan’s hand and back at him, and smiled her crooked smile again. ‘Message sent, and received.’
Nodding, Ethan set the glass on a nearby end table and poured some bubbly orange soda in. He glanced over to Nora’s hands, her wrists tethered to the center of her tabletop with maybe six inches of slack. They were wrapped in something similar to a wrist brace or splint, with fingers tightly curled around a fuzzy fabric palm pad. Her fingers themselves looked slight and smooth from disuse, and the way Nora’s arms erratically moved, pulling at the tether or pushing at the plexiglass tabletop lazily but firmly, made Ethan realize she could not hold a drink, or anything.
“Uhm, can you uh… how do you…?” he stuttered, as it dawned on Ethan a glass container for Nora’s drink was probably the dumbest choice possible.
Without warning, the smaller body of Ethan’s sis butted in between the two. She snatched the glass out of his hand, plopped a straw in, and put it in a cup holder on the far edge of Nora’s tabletop with a too-quick smile.
“There you go, Nora! This is fun, yeah?” Vicky said, almost like addressing a child, before she turned back at her brother with an expression that mixed anger, embarrassment and a death threat, all in one glare.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” she breathed just under the blaring music, right up close, trying to overcome the height difference with some awkward f-bombs. “You said you’d stay in your room!! We had a deal! Suz is fucking crying and now you’re trying to drown a…” she held back the c-word on the tip of her tongue.
Ethan took a deep breath before answering frankly. “Relax. I was just getting a drink. Besides, your friend here seemed kinda on her own so I was making sure she’s comfortable.”
He could not only see but practically hear Victoria roll her eyes at that. “You’re being super dumb right now. Just get the fuck out. Nora’s fine, see? She’s having fun.”
Ethan glanced down at Nora behind his sis, whose eyes were darting frantically between them, the glass out of her reach, and her tablet screen. “Well, maybe we can ask her,” he said simply, knowing how the little control freak would love that.
“Nora, right?” he started. “I’m Ethan, Vicky’s brother. You look pretty solo here, and… uhh…” Ethan paused. It was clear to him that no one else was going to even acknowledge the poor girl, especially if Vicky was acting like this, so he suggested more than he had ever planned to. ”I’m playing some video games in my room if you wanna watch.”
Nora’s eyes flicked between the two siblings standing tall in front of her.
Vicky was being really weird all of a sudden. Nora had never seen her classmate as a source of bountiful patience or whatever, but Vicky was acting like she would have in the halls, when Cole or any of the other sporty guys saw the volunteer walking with a disabled girl to their next class. Every time, Vicky would drift off, or get really short with her or quiet. Of course, that jerk had been invited — and greeted her with such charm — along with a few others Nora knew Vicky was into, so Nora could only guess that Vicky would probably be acting like this all night!
It was becoming obvious to Nora her helper was incredibly embarrassed by her bulky chair, and the monotonous voice, and everything else. Far from surprising, it was a time-honored tradition at this point for people Nora considered ‘friends’, and that just depressed her…
And yet Vicky knew her. She wasn’t a real caretaker, but she had known Nora needed a straw. Not to drink, of course. Nora couldn’t even drink with a straw — she would definitely choke — but she was always excited to get a straw full of soda poured on her tongue, just to taste it. It was a perfect treat, and the rest would have to go in her feed line.
Oh god, Nora thought, I would have to show him my feed line!
This was all so complicated, and being given a choice like this, to stay at the party with girls her age, or go off with this cute boy Nora barely knew? Body tensing in stress, part of her wished her Mom was calling the shots again… until Nora recoiled internally at that reflex.
FUCK. NO.
This was her time to grow up and direct her own life!
Nora looked at her Dynavox and, with pre-compose turned off so she could speak quickly, she said, “That’s nice. I would like to. Short break.”
She glanced past Vicky to smile at her well-intentioned brother, but the princess just gasped, betrayed, and blew up at him!
“Stop it, you prick! You’re messing with everything!” Vicky whined at Ethan, before she conspicuously realized she was drawing even more attention to them, and quieted her voice. ”Ugh… fine!” she drilled her finger into Ethan’s chest. “But if robot girl tells her mom she didn’t have a good time, then you’re paying for the fucking kegger!”
Nora froze, and even her body’s subtle writhing stalled, all tense. She looked up at Vicky, then Ethan. Her mom had paid for the keg? Her mom had… paid Vicky… to invite her? Nora’s heart sank, as the fragile fantasy of being just another normal teenager at a normal aftergrad party shattered to bits.
Everyone in the room was either staring or ignoring her.
‘No one wants me here.’ she thought. ‘I should go home… I should call my… I should…’
Nora had no idea what to do, she was so hurt, and so indecisive, and so scared, and— As her hands gripped the braces so hard she thought she would create diamonds, her strapped-down feet pulling, her body resisting her like it always did; Nora couldn’t hold her voice back any longer.
“EEEEaaaaaaaAAAAAH!” she let out in a squealing cry of despair, tearful and angry at the one person here who she had trusted to care!
Chapter 4
Ethan was stunned by his sister.
Victoria — with her finger poking his chest, telling him “how it is” — was being incredibly difficult tonight, dense and shallow too, and Ethan couldn’t help but think she seemed to be matching Suzie’s casual bitchiness more and more every day. He had no doubt the group of friends she seemed desperate to impress were the center of it all.
High school was the fucking worst.
Ethan opened his mouth to tell her off before he heard an ear-piercing wail behind him, drawing the attention of every guest in the house. He bit his tongue, as it wasn’t dissimilar to a small child throwing a tantrum between sobs, and Nora’s face didn’t look much prettier than one as she tensed and shook in her braces and bonds, absolutely distraught. The very drama he had wanted to avoid had rapidly escalated and Ethan knew he needed to take control of the situation, however he could.
Nora just wanted to yell at Vicky, but her voice — her real voice — barely cooperated, so she let herself cry; let herself scream out incoherently and ruin the picture-perfect party Vicky had arranged. Every eye was on Nora shaking and crying in her chair, but for once she didn’t care one iota. She couldn’t believe her Mom! She couldn’t believe Vicky! ‘How could they do this!? Without saying anything?! Anything!?’
But Ethan stepped in close, kneeled down, and locked eyes with Nora, his eyes, his calm assured voice, laissez-faire, who the fuck cares.
“Nora. Nora! Hey! Listen to me. Let’s all calm down now, we’re here to have fun, right? You’re here, it doesn’t matter why. You said you wanted to chill. Let’s… cool off and uh… try to enjoy the night, okay? Ignore them. Pizza helps me whenever I’m angry, so maybe we can try that.”
‘Pizza helps me whenever I’m angry? What a line,’ he kicked himself. It didn’t matter. Ethan’s face was more pleading than reassuring, but he tried to correct that.
Nora, pissed off, wanted to scream at Ethan, ‘I can’t even fucking eat pizza!’ but she realized within two seconds that alienating the one person on her side, who was talking to her like a real person, wouldn’t do any good. Sometimes she was glad to have a permanent filter on. Sometimes.
Ethan kept his breathing steady as he looked at her tear-streaked face and she seemed to focus on him in between whole-body sobs. He poured himself into that link they had, talking softly, “It’s okay…” not daring to touch her, not even thinking about how her agitated squirming shook the chair much stronger than he ever expected, just focusing on her gaze as Nora slowly quieted, and her breathing slowed, and her face relaxed, crying softer now, looking at him between tense glances upward. He kept his eyes on her regardless. He wasn’t asking her to forgive, but to ignore.
All Ethan had wanted was some peace and quiet and now here he was defusing a bomb. Or had he set it off? He sighed. Either way it was of his sister’s making, and he had no words; playing with people like this shouldn’t even need a lesson, it should have been learned long ago.
I guess this is just what happens at teenage parties.
Ethan considered pushing Nora towards his room but within a few seconds he clued in on how that could be misconstrued, both by others and her, so he preferred to allow her to decide, again. “We can go take a break, like you said, or,” he added, “we can call your mom and I can make sure you get home.”
Vicky stormed off, obviously more worried about the pressurized life of the party, even though that was already shot and flat. There was no way Ethan would be paying for their booze, but that was hardly important now.
Nora directed her teary eyes to the green “Yes” button on her screen. She wanted to go home, entirely overwhelmed with it all, but her eyes didn’t track. The cameras were being thrown off by her tears, and she blinked rapidly, panicking, and only making it worse.
Somehow, Ethan recognized this, saw her terror, anger, frustration, and struggle all playing out in the subtle movements she could manage, and hesitantly grabbed the bib from under Nora’s drooling mouth, lifted her wire-frame glasses, and dabbed her tear-stricken eyes, before wiping her messy chin and runny nose for good measure.
Nora was shocked. Not that being cared for was anything new: it was her whole life. There was no reason this should be significant, when she needed her chin wiped dozens of times a day, with her mouth so restless and unwilling to just close. It was normal— or since that word was meaningless to her: it was necessary.
But his touch, that was new.
Nora almost couldn’t believe herself as she finally typed, “No. Okay. Let’s go. Soda Pop. And. Break.” but was pleased with herself when Ethan smiled shyly, stood up and grabbed her glass, his, and the plastic bottle too.
“Come on, I have a game paused I’m sure you’ll like seeing me die in,” he said, urging her to follow.
Once he was confident the girl could drive herself, Ethan overheard Suzie trying to mend the situation with Vicky in the kitchen as he passed by. “Aww, your brother’s so cute! Taking that load off your ass so you can hang out with us.”
Simmering, Ethan kept the lead, but idly wondered if that girl was aware of how demeaning her words were, or if she was actually being sincerely clueless. He resisted the urge to glare at Suzie and his sister, not wanting to create more drama, as any worry he had caused this whole disaster simply evaporated. They were still being cruel, insensitive, playing with this poor girl. This had all been an inevitability, Ethan was just the lucky guy to set it all off.
Nora heard the girls too, but no snarky comments could be typed up while she focused on driving her chair behind Ethan without running into any furniture or walls. The pair went down the narrow hall, and Nora slowly realized she wasn’t heading to a rec room or something, but his room.
Nora gulped, or tried, but the drool was already dripping again. She really wanted some of that orange soda…
Chapter 5
Ethan had to clear some space for Nora’s chair to get into his room, having underestimated just how big it was; what with holding a young woman and her computer and all. Luckily there was plenty of open area in the middle — he was too busy saving for his own place to fill it.
Nora drove in carefully, more used to wider ADA doorways, and once her eyes were free, she admired the angular posters of buildings and old maps meticulously scattered around Ethan’s room. It was almost as big as hers, though it looked much bigger without the shelves and equipment and hoist lift and all. A haphazardly tidied queen bed took up the grand majority, but somehow it still looked smaller than her twin-size hospital bed. Once she was done gawking, Nora turned in place so she could face Ethan, who closed the door with a thud.
Ethan’s head pressed against the wooden barrier between them and the outside, and he took a deep breath. A few seconds later they could both hear the din of conversation resume out there, and the music shortly after that.
“Sorry about… that,” he sighed out, rubbing his eyes, trying to destress. “Sis can be a little ridiculous when boys are involved and… I can’t stand her friends. I uh… I’m sorry. You deserve an apology for that mess out there, even if Vicky won’t give you one.”
Nora didn’t know what to say. After grad and all, getting invited to a party had made it all seem real, like she was a grown-up… or maybe… but the whole night had crashed and burned so fast… faster than a nightmare, spiraling out of control. Due to her own mother’s white lie, the whole pretense of her invitation had been a… a sham! She was totally unwanted, and it showed.
Almost everyone out there had just stared; from her rolling in, throughout the whole incident! Nora had to consider that maybe life at school had gotten comfortable being addressed only by teachers and carers, but now… now it was on full display how her classmates looked at her. Distant. Cold. Annoyed. Nora had been at the party all of half an hour and received nothing but embarrassed glances and insults. They were just so… so… Words failed her.
“How can I? They. No.” her Dynavox spouted, disjointedly. Nora paused to just precompose properly, finishing and looking at Ethan as the voice said simply, sorrowful in its lack of emotion, “How can they not see that I am in here?”
Ethan’s gut twisted. Not only was this the first time he had heard Nora speak in complete sentences, taking him a bit off guard, he didn’t have an answer for her. Her question really tested the line between his idealism and latent misanthropy, well-developed at college, as he realized just how much his own opinion of the girl in front of him had shifted the moment her words became smoother and sharper to the point.
He moved to sit on his bed, observing Nora and all her bulky equipment. Her mouth moved on its own, face shifting often enough he couldn’t trust it to show how she really felt, her eyes darting hard left and far upwards every so often, even crossing slightly once or twice. Still, Ethan could somehow tell Nora was looking at him, or trying. She was undoubtedly there.
“You know what?” he offered, running his hand through his hair, “It’s not so bad. We can have our own party here. With blackjack and… uhhh, with games and soda, of course. I might run outside once we run low on supplies, but you don’t have to go anywhere you don’t want.”
Nora’s gaze flew to her screen, while her jaw kept making this open chewing motion and her arms tensed inward from concentration. Ethan stayed perched on his bed like that, just pondering and waiting, before the voice from Nora’s device cut the silence and the tension as if with a razorblade.
“Yeah. That sounds fun. F-U-C-K them.”
It was ridiculous hearing this innocent, flat midwestern girl voice say that; Nora had to admit, but she was proud to catch Ethan unawares, save for a small curvature of a smile forming on her mouth.
He did a double-take, then burst out laughing, realizing she really was a normal 18-year-old girl in there like he had guessed, sailor’s mouth and all. Luckily she was laughing too, in her own way, as the two eased up a bit.
“Yeah, seriously. You deserve better friends.” Ethan said summarily, before changing the topic abruptly to keep away from things he couldn’t fix.
“So, we can play some games like I mentioned and keep it chill here, and I can help with… whatever you need,” he trailed off, looking over at his PC. It might be like playing with Vicky next to him in the old days, watching his every move, disinterested but glued to the screen just like him. He tried to think of something else, but came up blank, hoping it didn’t sound too boring.
Nora thought that was a fine way to kill the evening, but her thirst was getting to her. She directed her wandering gaze at the glass then the screen, taking her time now to pre-compose. “I want a taste. Please. Can you use the straw to put soda pop on my tongue? Then we can play.”
Remembering the glass in his hand, Ethan jumped, “Oh, of course! Sorry! Okay…let’s see…” He set it on the nightstand next to his bed, close to his guest.
Nora directed her seat to tilt backward so it all wouldn’t pour out of her mouth immediately, and then watched as the older boy approached timidly with a strawful of sweetness. “Slow.” she said with a glance. She didn’t have the calm and concentration to muster closing her slack jaw right now, and she wanted to savor this.
Ethan, leaning over her, found it so weird to be poking into a girl’s open mouth while she was telling him how from a speaker cantilevered behind him, but he did as instructed, leaving her with half a straw of orange soda, on and under her restless tongue, while the fizzing surface in the glass barely dropped. He had definitely over-poured.
Nora practically bubbled, shaking in her braces and bonds, enjoying the decadent sweetness. She didn’t use her mouth much, usually tasting only minty toothpaste while relying on a g-tube for the rest of the day, so this felt special, as simple as it was. Part of her had really wanted to taste beer tonight, or get a little drunk maybe, but the soda was so sweet Nora pretty much spaced that. She looked up at Ethan leaning over her and almost laughed happily, but kept her vocal chords in check… barely.
Looking at some drool on her lip, Ethan decided to wipe it off again, pulling up her bandana bib and flatly ignoring what was underneath. Redirecting his thoughts away from a disabled high-schooler’s perky breasts, Ethan wondered if Nora would need to spit the soda out or not, but then realized it would probably end up on her chin anyways. He changed the subject, walking over to his desk, and Nora turned and repositioned herself near his chair.
“So, games. I have like… a lot of games here. So we can try something we both like. My library is full of stuff I never played before, I… might have a problem.” Ethan chuckled, looking back, and reached to adjust Nora’s glasses down her nose so she could see his monitor from her reclined position. He felt like he was invading her space every time, but Nora didn’t seem to mind.
Truthfully, she was elated! ‘Oh my god he just went for it!’
Nora had been feeling much too awkward to ask a strange boy to wipe her face or adjust her glasses, as ridiculous as that sounded, but luckily he didn’t make her ask! Nora blushed a bit at his touch but thankfully he didn’t notice, or let it slide. Life in others’ hands made thank-yous almost meaningless if overused, so she kept them for only the most very precious moments, and thinking of how Ethan was creating a safe, comfy space for her, when he so obviously wanted to be alone; Nora felt he deserved one, for doing more than his sister had; for saving her from Vicky, honestly.
“Thank you.” she said simply, as all that intentionality dissolved in the flat pre-recorded voice, before adding, “Replace it with a cloth from my bag behind me next time. Getting damp.”
“Oh, uh, sorry!” Ethan apologized, noting what was effectively a diaper bag hanging off the pushbar behind Nora, but she shook her head clumsily, to imply ‘it’s okay,’ making her neck retaliate and push her left cheek into the headrest firmly.
The glasses, already pushed down, fell all the way off and Ethan replaced them again with those deft hands, so easily, while Nora’s own clenched uselessly on her tabletop. Demonstrating exactly why thanks got old fast in her lifestyle, Nora just smiled and let out a little squeal, something inside telling her she didn’t need to hide her voice from him, at least not too much…
Ethan grinned when he heard that, it was just… infectious. Yet as he sat there, scrolling through titles aimlessly, he wondered if it was right to enjoy, as awkward as it sounded. To Ethan, Nora sounded a bit like a happy baby when she was having fun. And he had seen how she cried. Was it wrong to compare her to a baby? He forcibly scribbled over that thought, burying himself in the list of titles.
After reaching an impasse, Ethan finally just restarted the game he had already been playing: it was action-packed and full of greek mythology references, good distracting fluff. He didn’t ask if she could play, and Nora was happy to skip the formalities. Without some special tech she had used once at summer camp for kids like her, she couldn’t, and that had been some simple up and down game with birds and pipes. Nora eagerly watched Ethan’s articulate hands trigger keys and commands right when he wanted to — timing was everything for survival in this brutal game. Ethan got massacred and she let out a short gasp of a laugh, before eyeing her words, trying to think of things to ask to keep the conversation moving, the two of them both sucked into their screens.
“Is anyone in your family disabled? You are very handsy. You seem comfortable helping me.”
Ethan coughed at her question. “Uhm. Handy. Like hand-EE. Not handsy… that uh… means something very different.” He reddened a bit but hoped she couldn’t see that, before focusing on the game. “Uh…and not really. Although Vicky is a bit braindead at times.” He added with a grin.
Nora hadn’t noticed the autocorrect, but something made her refrain from telling him that, instead retorting, “How dare you. That is not funny.”
Ethan whipped around, but was greeted by the open-mouthed, crooked smile again, and he groaned, turning back. Dead again. “You’re unbelievable! There’s no intonation! I thought you were actually offended!”
Nora squealed a bit too loud, wishing she could just giggle like the other girls. “Who says I am not? Just kidding! Just kidding! Just kidding!”
Ethan dosed his new friend with some more soda and began that same level again, frustrated, but he hid a smile. The two of them got into a groove, as he learned how long it took just to talk with Nora. Luckily he could just focus on his game while she typed with her eyes. It worked for her too, as she didn’t feel that ever-present rush to reply, just taking her time, enjoying the fizz and trickle of sweetness.
“You are right. She is a little brain dead.” Nora added. ”Did you know? She stole my test answers. Biology class. All semester. I’m starting to regret letting her.”
Fists closed tightly out in front of her, Nora was still mad, but it was almost inconsequential as the salve of gossip, and Ethan’s “No way!” kept her mind off the actual hurt. Watching him fight off minotaurs and gorgons, her face was pressing to the left again, almost bashful, but just another broken reflex. Imagining she was using those big hands on the keys, so quick, so easy, Nora realized he had been right. Minus the pizza, this was kind of the perfect distraction.
“You are very good. Stick to your game. I’ll stick to annoying you. We will play to our strengths.”
Ethan laughed a bit at that, before reaching back and swatting Nora’s knee playfully below her table. She was wearing soft leggings, and Ethan succumbed to another killing blow, as he noticed her skinny leg was far tighter than he expected.
“Sorry, did… did you feel that?” Ethan sipped his glass, waiting for the level to load, and for her response.
“I am not that kind of paralyzed. I feel everything down there.”
Ethan almost choked on his drink, his mind going straight to the gutter. Nora’s did too upon hearing the voice playback, even if she hadn’t intended it that way, and she refrained from telling him about the charley horse that was rearing its head, searing her thigh for the nth time today. A part of her imagined him using those dexterous hands to unclip her table and massage her, like that cute physical therapist did twice a week… far far too infrequently. Nora’s legs squeezed hard on the foam bolster keeping them aligned. She winced from the cramp and almost asked…
But Ethan was back in his game by the time Nora was done daydreaming.
Nora delved back into her communication menus, piecing together something to say next. If nothing else, this was solid conversation exercise for a girl who hadn’t been able to say more than ‘yes’ and ‘no’ with her eyes a few years back. Her speech therapist would be over the moon, especially once she mentioned it was a boy.
“You have a nice bedroom, but living at home. Isn’t this a long way to travel for college?”
Ethan sighed, having enjoyed not thinking about his failures for two moments, but he collected himself. It wasn’t her fault, she couldn’t have known it was a sore topic. “Nah, I was at UW in Seattle for a few semesters, and… it didn’t pan out. My family doesn’t have much saved up and I didn’t want to waste it there. It was fun while it lasted.”
Turned to stone again by a glance in the wrong direction, Ethan tried to relax and just found himself pissed at the pop music pouring in from the door.
Nora knew she had hit a nerve, so tried to divert, but this still left a minute-long chasm of open air, regardless. “Yes I understand. My family is very in debt because of my cerebral palsy. I have been accepted to schools because of scholarships only. Cash in on this S-H-I-T, baby!”
Nora winced a bit at the cold read of “baby” compared to what she had in mind, the lyricism just gone, but luckily Ethan laughed… and it wasn’t pandering, like most people.
Sick of his game, Ethan whipped his chair around and dropped some more soda in Nora’s mouth. “I mean, take what you can get, right? But… I have to ask… why can’t you just say ‘shit’, or ‘fuck’? I’ve heard you try and it keeps spelling it out.”
Nora sighed throatily and began composing. “Parental controls. I just graduated and Mom still thinks I will use profanity at wrong time. Or I should never. I do not know. I have yes and no. Eyes up and down. I can yell for help. Usually. Everything else must be asked so I can confirm. I only received this communication tool three years ago. They forget I have been listening and watching for eighteen.” She added a deep moan, “Unnnnnggghh!” to show just how frustrated she was.
Ethan couldn’t imagine being trapped inside a writhing body with only ‘yes’, ‘no’, and a few other simplistic codes at most, but he also couldn’t just say ‘sorry’, or ‘wow, that sucks’. After apologizing once for his sister, seeing how it fell so flat and led to nothing but a cynical dead-end, it felt so inadequate for the shitty hand that Nora had been dealt; a drop in the bucket. Sympathy wouldn’t change a thing.
“You know… I’m pretty good with computers, maybe I could unlock you?”
Nora’s excited smile was loud enough for Ethan to hear: ‘Fuck yeah.’
Chapter 6
While Ethan was hunched over his keyboard, poring through Dynavox manuals, trying to block out the sound of some glass breaking in the kitchen, Nora was slowly turning her chair in place, looking around, admiring the room. Without siblings, Nora had never been in the room of someone else her age, and she couldn’t help notice how many knick-knacks and souvenirs and things were all around. Back at home, Nora had posters and a flowery pink paint job she had loved as a kid, but hardly any things. She admired some of his trophies, a set of tiny magnets formed into the Eiffel Tower, a baseball in a clear plastic cube. Nora imagined Ethan putting every single one in place himself, by hand, and herself whistling the way people in movies did when they were impressed.
“How do you have so much stuff?” her speaker asked.
Ethan shrugged simply as he skimmed a support forum thread. “I don’t know. Things just come into your life and you hold on before the next trash day comes…”
She frowned inside at that, looking down at her arms extended straight out in front of her, padded fists pressing into the tabletop.
Ethan clued into his careless phrasing one second too late, and tried to change the subject. “Most of this needs to be boxed up anyways when I move. Here, can I take a peek at your machine?”
Nora maneuvered closer and Ethan went hunting for a cable before he plugged his computer in one end and the tablet in the other and—
The screen went black. After a moment of disbelief, Nora panicked, “eeeeeeaaa!!” shaking in her chair, her link to the world around her broken! If he damaged—
The tablet screen lit up again, this time her words and phrases were all gone, replaced with what looked like some 3D space with buildings and people and…
‘What is this?’ she thought, looking at Ethan, whose face had gone pale white.
His gut fell out on him. This was his urban neighborhood project, on Nora’s screen!! A sudden, panicked shame erupted as he apologized and scrambled and skimmed more of the docs and then finally just pulled the cable out, making both their computers go black before returning to normal.
“What was that?” Nora asked once her eyegaze tracker behaved again.
“It was nothing, a project for school, before I was— Your screen acted like a second monitor, I’m sorry I—”
“No. I mean your reaction.” The flat midwestern voice seemed almost accusatory but her limited expression was anything but.
Ethan couldn’t explain it, why he had become so insanely defensive and erratic. Part of it had been fear he had broken Nora’s tablet, her voice, her control to the chair, her connection to the outside world and to him, here. But now that he knew that wasn’t the case, another part was this intense worry… worry his design wasn’t good enough, that he would never get back into school, that he would never escape this little town in the Cascades, worry that he—
“Can I see it again?” Nora’s voice cut through his spiraling.
He shook his head and Nora tried her real voice, “Aaaahhhhh!” something like ‘Come on!’
It seemed to work on him, softening his resolve, even though Nora knew she was anything but smooth. Still, he gradually came around, and closed the dumb game (she had been too polite to say) to reveal a more sparse scene of buildings in white wireframe on his monitor.
“Wait, let me turn on the feature layers…” he muttered, and sure enough, trees filled in the sidewalks and then glass in the storefronts and trash cans and electric scooters and people walking made the street come alive, the colors painting in, cars driving and stopping.
Nora’s jaw would have dropped if it wasn’t already hanging open. She looked back at her screen to speak, flicking her eyes around so deftly, Ethan could almost see the words pouring out of her, still like honey dripping much too slow. Finished, her eyes met his and she beamed. “You made this!? I didn’t know it could look so real!”
“Well it’s mostly the software…” Ethan started but Nora just moaned “UH!!” curtly at him, unamused by his humble deflection, peeking again. She was enamored, and Ethan found his timid clicking turn into the careful pans and orbits of a digital tour guide, showing the girl in her chair all the features and design elements, like how he had the plaza arranged to allow the sun to filter into some building but not others; how the residents all lived above shops; how the bike lanes were protected by the parked cars like he had seen in a photo of Denmark.
He pulled all these random references up for Nora, showing her his rationale even though she knew nothing about design, and yet the girl’s attention was rapt, as her fists tightened, her knees squeezing the bolster. It was all so impressive, and a small but unignorable part of her was actually jealous of Ethan and his able body. He could study all this so easily, not just the tools but the research too, without spending time on care or bowel programs or physical therapy or speech programming, all the myriad of complexities she had to consider before even getting to homework, never mind something Nora even wanted to study. Nora had no idea what she wanted to major in, but it sure as hell wasn’t going to be “disability studies” as one advisor had mentioned. She had more than enough of that on the daily.
Still, that feeling passed quickly, as he kept them moving along.
“You added ramps to the sidewalks and stores.” Nora said simply.
“Well… yeah. Anything new these days should be accessible, shouldn’t it? I think it’s a law.”
Nora didn’t know for certain, but the fact he had still considered people like her in his community design brought a certain flutter to Nora’s tummy.
“I mean it’s the 21st century, you shouldn’t have to ask for a ramp, right? You deserve better. Formaggio’s on Main Street doesn’t have one,” he pointed his thumb at the half-eaten pizza, cold by now. ”I gave a guy a push up the steps like… a month or two ago?”
It took Nora a second to reply, but Ethan had grown used to taking a breath so he didn’t interrupt her. “As good as that place smells. A ramp will not help me. See. I am a very tough customer. Pizza parlors do not like it when your Mom brings in a blender.”
Nora made her best attempt at the sound of a roaring motor spelling a pizza’s demise as the speaker recited its lines, and Ethan let himself chuckle, starting to get her brand of humor. “Yeah, letting pizza be my big pitch was pretty dumb, sorry.”
Almost on cue her open mouth drooled a bit more down her chin and he gave her a wipe, unable to ignore the blushing smile and batting eyes she lent him when he did. Ethan knew this kind of casual care must be banal for her, but it still felt oddly intimate for him, and what’s strange was… she seemed to know it?
He looked back at his screen once another dose of orange crush was being savored.
“You know, honestly, this could be far more accessible. I could put bump stripping leading to the bus stop for the blind, and the sidewalk could be wider, and you know you could just have every business’ front door be motion activated, and…”
Nora just watched the boy in front of her as he gestured at his screen with a passion and consideration she wouldn’t have expected from “Vicky’s dropout brother,” as she had known Ethan before tonight. He went on and on, extrapolating different points of issue for people of all abilities, it was like a floodgate had been opened, but Nora couldn’t help thinking he was being so serious: like just cause she was here, he had to accommodate every disability ever.
Well-meaning as his intentions were, Nora rolled her eyes and began cooking up her own ‘suggestions’ while he spitballed, as she had just a few pet peeves built up over the years… like how his apartments needed narrower halls and smaller bathrooms, big clawfoot tubs, and shaggy carpets; and she even gave him some notes about moving outside in a big chair, making sure the sidewalks and park paths were all brick — all different kinds, if possible! The more her body shook, the better, like a workout! She didn’t need to mention the massive pothole her Mom had hit outside. “…more of those, please!”
Ethan got the joke immediately but sat through the whole spiel, shaking his head with a grin while Nora squealed over top of her own words, wishing they had a bit more tongue-in-cheek. “You think you’re sooo funny,” he smirked at her.
“Aaaaahhhhhh” she looked up to confirm, ‘you bet your ass,’ tongue flexing out and back, firmly not in cheek.
“Okay, but opposite day aside, this is what I’m talking about! I never would have thought of the bricks. Maybe I should get more of your thoughts sometime, based on your… uhm… experience. I mean… this whole model is just a dumb idea to get back into school, or maybe an internship in the city, but we could sort of collaborate on this… if you want.”
Ethan looked back at Nora, having not at all expected the evening to go down this rabbit hole, and found her far more lit up and invested than he imagined, even if she couldn’t express that excitement physically, beyond some agitated squirming in her chair, her balled fists pawing at the table unsteadily.
“I would like that.” she typed, and he nodded, smiling at her.
“Yeah… me too.”
The two of them held eyes for a second too long, both kind of understanding what the other was thinking, almost. Ethan knew he was muting her with his stare but he couldn’t imagine any words to fill the space, any that would match this feeling of acceptance and relief after he had been so wound up about the whole thing. Her excitement, and the chance to explain his ideas without pressure, had just dissolved a huge block he didn’t even know he had.
Nora finally broke off, to say, “Did you forget about something? A-S-S-H-O-L-E?”
He had indeed, by about the fourth letter being spelled out to him by the steady, pre-recorded voice, he knew exactly what he had to do.
Connecting their computers via a different port — one which wouldn’t give them both a heart attack this time — Ethan opened a Dynavox configuration tool, and found himself faced with a lock screen. He looked at Nora, disappointed with the roadblock. “I think the princess is in another castle. If there’s a passcode I can’t change any—”
“1. 2. 3. 4.” Nora’s computer spouted as her eyes ticked each button.
“What?” Ethan looked at her incredulously.
“1234,” she repeated alongside, “Uhhhhah!”
Sure, the passcode worked on his first try, but Ethan found himself scrolling through language menus and permissions toggles with his eyes glazed over. He couldn’t hold his tongue.
“Your mom put the password as 1234… right in front of you.” It wasn’t really a question, more a realization.
It took a moment, but he dared not turn his chair before the voice spoke, “Yes. What is the matter? It looks like it worked. Did it not work?”
Ethan flipped a toggle or two and saved the config with the same filename so no one would notice a change. “Yeah it worked, but don’t you think it’s kinda fucked?” He swiveled his chair to look at Nora and her brow was twitching, furrowing unsteadily as her eyes held steady on him, obviously prodding him to continue. “You’re… pretty much an adult in there, and you still have parental guides in place and… you know the password, your ‘rents didn’t even come up with something hard to guess, they just relied on you not being able to push a button or touch a screen to… free yourself.”
Nora glanced at her screen, ready to hop to her Mom’s defense, but she hovered over the “No” button long enough there were like a dozen denials entered into the composition box. She cleared everything and began a new sentence, hitting the Question folder and selecting “Why”, before the autocomplete “is” and back to the home screen “that”. Here Nora savored the feeling of creating a new word shortcut and typing out “F-U-C-K” and looking at the save button only for it to… save! No warning popup!
The cursor wobbled and wandered as Nora speedily flipped until she was on her last page of buttons, words, symbols, meanings, unreachable syllables… “fuck,” past tense, “fucked.”
“Why is that fucked?” Nora heard her tablet finally say the word properly, not just spelling out the unpermitted words this time, but letting them ring from her voice!
Distracted by the feeling of shedding a few more tethers, Nora quickly added a few more swear buttons and started riffing with her eyes, as pumped as the first day she got her tablet, turning off pre-compose, inundating Ethan with, “Fuck. Shit. Titties. Bullshit. Asshole…”
Ethan couldn’t help but be swept up by Nora’s absolute beaming and squealing at him once she heard the young girl’s voice finally recite a half-decent impression of Carlin’s seven dirty words, and he let the password issue slide. Nora’s evening had been hard enough already, and Ethan simply swallowed his concern; she needed a win.
“Oh shit, what have I unleashed here?” he teased, to which Nora replied with another stream of insults and cusses in glee.
He gave her some more soda while her eyes were busy.
“Thank you for my graduation present. Ethan. You are a fuck-ing amazing friend for doing this.” Nora smiled so hard at him her eyes almost squinted shut.
“Of course, Nora. You’re a really special girl… I mean… if there is anything else I can unlock, these hands are here.” he winced at his wording and let a smile suffice as Nora typed back.
“I told you! You are handsy, asshole!” she laughed, tensing completely and squealing.
It was only when Nora didn’t un-tense that Ethan let his smile fall; and when her eyes rolled up to the left he reached out to shake her shoulder; and when her jaw opened so wide it cracked, he felt for if she was still breathing; and when her face pressed hard to the left he tried to make eye contact again, calling her name; and when her wrist tethers were taut enough to strum he ran to the door to get Vicky; and when he touched the doorknob he heard behind him, “Don’t leave me.”
Chapter 7
Ethan spun round to find Nora still in the midst of… a seizure? Her whole body was tense — tenser than usual — but her eyes, while unsteady, were trained on him. He left the door to fend off the blaring music and dashed back toward Nora just as her chair started to rattle, her knee bouncing, her body beginning to spasm and far more aggravated than before, grunts escaping her throat. What the hell was going on?!
“Nora!? Nora!! What is it, what should I do?”
Nora’s entire body tensed, even her lungs refusing to let her breathe for a terrifying moment, before devolving into a tremor, and then a squirming, and then the large movements began. Her hands hit the tabletop and her body bucked forward, shoulders digging into the bars keeping her pinned to her seat, her head tipping forward to hang and lose all the sweet orange buildup into the waiting bib, before her neck fired it back into the headrest, with a moan of pain.
All she could think was, ‘of all times, why now??’
Her body seemed intent on escaping the braces and tethers and security of her chair, all without any input from her, the passenger inside.
She was about to eye her tablet and tell him what was happening, but just as Nora realized the tracking wasn’t following her restless shaking, Ethan grabbed her head and held it firm to the headrest as her body shook and arched, one hand on her forehead above her glasses, while his other hand held one of her arms down so it wouldn’t block the sensors. She was way stronger than he would have imagined her to be, his agitated breath near her ear.
“Hey, shhh, it’s okay. What’s going on?” he asked, obviously terrified, “Should I go get Victoria?”
No!! Nora looked downward hard before realizing he couldn’t see her signal. That’s the last thing she needed! Sure, Vicky knew the basics of her care from school, but this had only happened once with her there, and the reluctant caregiver had frozen completely; a contrast to the firm, decisive hands holding her restless body now.
Nora tried her best to focus on the screen as her eyes glanced up-left intermittently, her arms pulling hard at their tethers, each fist wishing it were curled against her chest painfully, wrists rolling against their immobilizing braces; Nora’s ankle orthotics suddenly tightened in her shoes as even her feet tried to twist. Her body bucked forward and back over and over as if someone was giving her the Heimlich — and it didn’t feel much better — but luckily her shoulder bars and Ethan’s hands kept her mostly in place. Still— repetitive, intense movements kept Nora from even breathing easily, her tongue thick in the back of her mouth, and typing was slow.
Ethan felt so far out of his depth, afraid this cute girl was about to die in his room.
“I am fine. Wait. Hold me.” she finally made out, opting for quick and short. And he did as instructed, aghast that the girl violently convulsing in front of him could call this ‘fine’. And Nora would have admitted — if words were less precious — that she was in severe pain, but this was far from her first dystonic episode and if she didn’t want probes in her brain to quell the fits like the specialist had recommended, then she just had to wait for these storms to die down.
Yet as much as she hoped this might be fleeting, it just wouldn’t die down! Nora was already burning from pretty much every muscle, rubbed raw by her restraints affixed for this very reason, and as embarrassed as she was of exposing her… ‘workings’ to Ethan, she needed to do something more than wait it out.
Ethan held on from behind the chair as the girl inside flexed and bucked, her slim body moving in a way he didn’t want to think about right now, all the while acting like this was… normal? Luckily she began typing again, and he watched Nora page through screens and scan for what she wanted to say, in between full body spasms, until she reached a page called ‘Emergency’, and selected something called ‘Dystonia.’
“My name is Nora. I am okay. This is not a seizure, it is a storm of uncontrollable movement overriding what I want to do. I am still conscious while this happens. I need some water, and a pill, but it is kind of complicated. Are you able to help? Please press ‘Continue.’”
Mustering something akin to confidence, Ethan told her he was… and with a tap, the instructions poured out of the tablet’s speakers in sections. He let go, and anxiously left her to spasm helplessly while the script autoplayed in front of her.
He set to work. There was a pouch on a hook behind her shaking chair, almost like a plastic IV bag, ending in a thin tube which Ethan followed to a little plastic pump before the tube snaked around the seat and under Nora’s shirt. The thought of a tube entering his body did not feel… comfortable, but Ethan tried his best not to think about it.
Taking a small bottle of water from her hanging care kit, Ethan hastily dumped it in the feed bag before sorting through more pill bottles than he had ever seen for the one the instructions called for. He held Nora’s head steady again so she could confirm with a glance to the up-right, away from her reflexes, that it was correct. He smashed two pills on his desk with the butt end of the bottle and brushed the powdery bits into the bag, before shaking a bit to dissolve it faster, finally hitting a green button on the tiny pump.
Nora just had to wait — that’s all she could ever really do — and hope her Mom’s prepared instructions were clear enough, before Ethan returned and held her tight into her seat again, his strong hands resisting her body’s best fight. “It’s done, it’s… going in.”
Sure enough, the water started moving along the feed line, up Nora’s shirt and into the g-tube port on her belly. It wasn’t audible but she felt the familiar coolness enter her tummy.
“Thanks for poisoning me. You are the best!” she typed while her neck pulled and tensed. She held whatever poker face she could manage for juuuust a second, but inevitably a squeal and a big prankster smile cracked through!
“Oh my god, you’re terrible!” he balked, heart beating like crazy, “Now, of all times to make a joke! Can’t make it easy on me, can you?”
Amid the squirming and rattling and the pain and anxiety, the two couldn’t help but laugh in their distinctly different ways, and Ethan relaxed somewhat, fear turning to embarrassment as he realized how close the two of them were, and how much she still needed him there.
“What? Am I not easy enough?” Nora typed with another messy smile between spasms, adding a loud “Ahhhhh-eeee” at the end.
Had she just said what he thought she said?
Glowing red, he admired Nora closely as he held her from behind; her cute nose and freckles, her surprisingly straight teeth, and the sharp hazel eyes trying to look back at him, even when her neck had other ideas.
When Ethan first saw Nora, it had been impossible to tell what the girl inside felt when she had barely any control of her body, her expressions, her body language; and the lack of tone to her ‘voice’ didn’t help either. But between her over-the-top displays of emotion bursting through her shell, her ridiculous humor, and a certain… intuition, Ethan was starting to read past the broken façade, to understand who Nora really was, and he had this feeling her innuendos — her ‘mistakes’ — were something more. Yet it gnawed at him that he couldn’t be sure, because if he was wrong… he didn’t want to be wrong.
Just as the most violent motions were starting to subside, a quiet “guhhhhh” interrupted Ethan’s reverie, and he followed Nora’s eyeline down to her chest, the bib in disarray, her shirt all stretched and twisted from the convulsions; her green v-neck revealing one cup of a lace bralette, threatening to reveal more. He didn’t have to hear the tablet’s “Please” or see the blush on her cheek before he readjusted her shirt, her back arching conveniently, and then pulled the bib down to cover most of her exposed skin and cleavage.
Nora was self-conscious, but only because she didn’t usually wear something so… the words ‘impractical’ and ‘age-appropriate’ competed in her head. To be honest, she was more likely to have a sweatshirt on at home or school, like the one she had received from the university as part of their welcome package, which was already on its way to threadbare with how often she asked for it when being dressed. No; she didn’t usually wear something that highlighted her chest so much, or something that had a risk of exposing even more when her body was bouncing up and down in a rare storm; or when her arms were outstretched and pushing together; the list goes on…
But what had changed in the last year of school, her senior year with Vicky as her assistant, is how she saw boys sneaking looks at the long-legged, stylish, vapid girl by her side, and how much Nora realized she wanted to be seen that way too, even if it was awkward and fleeting, maybe unrealistic. Not as a curiosity, like most saw her, but as a young woman with goals and a life and desires and significant roadblocks, that’s all.
Desire and courage were two different things though, and there was her Mom to deal with too, who bought all her clothes and had to be convinced that even this simple outfit wasn’t ‘impractical.’ But using that word put her down, made Nora feel like maybe she was a lost cause, like: ‘Life with CP is hard enough, why complicate matters?’ It had been her Dad who stepped in and said something to her Mom that saved her, she didn’t know what.
All that effort for a form-fitting v-neck with long sleeves; the lace bralette was a whole other story — with definitely no rescue from Dad.
But to her surprise, the battle hadn’t been pointless! She was sure she caught Ethan looking before he fixed her bib. She was sure of it!
Nora had spent her whole life watching people from her fixed perspective; looking up from her chair, or a bed, seeing their emotions pass across their faces effortlessly, transparently, when they thought no one was looking. Nurses and caretakers were the worst, especially back before she had a voice when they took her intelligence at face value; while Nora was stuck behind a mask that had its own ideas, they had zero filter. It was easy to pick up.
And honestly, once she noticed him that way, Ethan wasn’t any less obvious than those jocks watching his sister; his eyes wandered across Nora’s body at every chance they got, no matter how much he tried to recover.
‘Too late, caught you,’ Nora couldn’t help but giggle inside.
It was clear, Ethan was undoubtedly affected by watching her move — even if little of it was ‘her’, per se — and yet he was still a perfect gentleman who squared her up; straightening her glasses again and more importantly pulling up her neckline and relaying her bib — more modestly than she wanted, but far better than it was.
But now that the anticonvulsant meds were working and she was quieting down into that same-old, slow, athetoid twist in her chair, and now that the fire in her muscles was cooling to a dull ache she would surely feel in the morning, his hands were still holding her, and she could appreciate how close he was, undistracted by life inside a jackhammer. His touch was so much firmer and more real than her parents or caretakers’ perfunctory duties throughout the day. He really held her, carefully but honestly. Nora wanted to touch him back, hold him tighter in return, but that had never been in the cards for her…
Or was it? Her eyes glanced to the screen, reviving a bit of that confidence she thought she left on the front porch.
“You have saved me twice now.” the speakers recited, flatly.
“What do you mean? You said you were fine!” Ethan poked her, making light of it but obviously bitingly sarcastic. He realized her fit was mostly over and loosened his hold. Not wanting to come off inconvenienced like some jerk, he added awkwardly, “Really, it was nothing.”
Nora typed furiously. It wasn’t nothing to her.
“No. You had a party-ending disaster and took care of it. Actually. Twice. And. You saw my feed line and wiped my spit. How the hell are you not afraid of me yet?”
He balked and stood up, zipping up her care kit, hanging it from her handlebars, and retreated to his bedside, to which she followed the few feet.
“Afraid of you?! Nora, I was afraid for you! I thought…” he let out a sigh, “I thought you might die, or at least need an ambulance! How often do you have to go through all that?”
He waited, wishing he could still peek at her screen, but it felt better to sit across, in front. Watching Nora compose her thoughts over her shoulder had felt… intimate in some way, and he didn’t think he deserved to cross that line. Nora’s tight hands touched together in the middle of her tabletop, and he caught her eyeing him eyeing her, before darting back to her screen. Ethan could tell she didn’t like how long it took, getting anxious, but he was patient, grabbing his drink and giving her some too.
“More when I was a child. Now it is like one or two times a month. So. Lucky you I guess. People do die from it. But. Only if I were left alone for a long time. Breathing is hard. Muscles burn. It is like running a marathon. Or so they tell me.” Nora added a big smile when the voice got to that last quip, but Ethan’s face was far from amused.
He honestly couldn’t imagine his body not only refusing his commands, but also liable to go into such a frenzy at any time. “That’s awful. Is there a cure?”
Nora looked up before typing so he got the gist before the details, but those came quicker this time. “Sure. Deep brain stimulation.”
Ethan almost did a spit-take of his soda. “That sounds a bit… invasive, doesn’t it?! Why am I picturing a deep tissue massage with your head cut open? Like ‘Oh Doc, I’ve been real tense, give it your all!’”
Nora’s whole body shook and spasmed with a laugh that squealed out of her open mouth, before she had her eyes back on the screen building her reply. “It is not much better than that. I heard the word PROBE and said. No. Way. If it happened to me more often then okay. Maybe. But no. Medication works fine. I just cannot be left alone.”
“Wait, so you’re never alone?” he had to ask.
“No. I love the gap between Mom’s van and the school front door. I drive myself in and wait for Vicky to arrive. All by myself. It is great. But now school is over. I am always within eyesight of someone. Morning to night. Then the health monitors take over.” Nora stopped there, not wanting to tell Ethan how her Mom or Dad had to come in every few hours to turn her in bed.
What was said was enough. Ethan’s eyebrows raised at the now-obvious consequences of Nora’s disability. Somehow he fully understood that Nora needed help with virtually everything, but he hadn’t fully grasped the fact that she required someone, nearby 24/7, having zero alone time, no sacred space to escape to whenever she wanted to. He grew a little more thankful then for his room, even if it was under his parents’ roof.
Ethan didn’t know what to say. “Well, I hope you can be yourself here, like you’re alone… or something, I don’t know.” he ruffled his messy curls and tried again. “Consider this room a private space. It’s off-grid, no trackers or health monitors or anything.”
Nora smiled silently, thinking of the phone under her leggings, or the GPS in her Dynavox. Still, if she just… tuned it out — the devices, the tickle of medicated liquid slipping into her, the ache of her braces trying to correct her in every which way — Nora realized she was alone… with him. She was miles away from a safety net, a girl alone in a cute boy’s room, and anything could happen…
“I just hope you’re still having a good time, considering.” He gestured to the room with its two occupants alone, muddled pop music hammering on the door, and the obvious traumatic event now behind them.
“Oh my god. Shut up. Asshole.” Nora typed at his ham-fisted goodwill, interrupting her fantasy. Maybe she was overstepping, but he needed to talk to her as honestly as he touched her. “I am having a good time. Yes. Thanks to you. No one from school would have helped. I would be alone with that shit tee music all night. If I had a dystonic storm out there with those idiot plural. I could have hurt myself. Badly. I have done it before. That is why I am all tied down. Instead I am in here with you. Our private space. And. Good time. Is an understatement.”
Nora reread her thoughts. It was crude and honest, too honest, but she eyed the “Speak” button anyways and looked at Ethan as seriously as she could. Of course her face continued to move and so did her tongue. She made some throaty “UH”s where she wanted emphasis, but mostly let the words speak for themselves. Most of all she just focused on his face as each word was recited.
Ethan suffered the sharp end of Nora’s unlocked tongue, blinking dumbly at the sudden change of tone, when he had sat there for like five minutes expecting a very different response. It was softened only by Nora grunting and rolling her eyes dramatically, but she was right. He had helped her, because… he had to admit he found Nora attractive, whether it was in spite of her tied-down, uncooperative body or because of it; he didn’t know. He had to start treating her normally, that’s all she wanted…
The flat voice interrupted his inner debate, “What is up? Remember I am the one who cannot talk. Right?”
Ethan glanced up at Nora’s eyes sparkling with her wit locked up inside, before they pulled up-left and her arms shook, spasming straight out. ‘Perfect timing,’ she thought, but luckily it only lasted a moment, and then her braced right fist wasn’t hitting the hard plexi but instead his open palm; warm, soft. Nora looked at Ethan, confused.
“I was trying to think of what we were doing before you seized up,” he white-lied with a smirk, looking at her, his heart beating a mile a minute. “I offered to unlock anything else, but I guess I didn’t just mean your voice. I can… help you with other things, if you want.”
Nora’s lashes fluttered, her back pasted to the chair seat. Was he asking what she thought he was?
“I mean… have you ever held a guy’s hand? You yourself said I’m handsy, you must agree I know how it’s done.”
She melted in her seat, looking down at the useless fist, curled tight. Yet she felt his palm on her fingers. Her arm shook even as she begged it not to move an inch.
“I do not know if I can.” she said eventually. The tone was flat but her words held all her uncertainty and desire, bare, heart on her sleeve.
He smiled gently. “Let’s give it a try.”
Chapter 8
Nora’s cheeks turned a rosy shade. Was she feeling flush from the storm, or was it by being taken care of by this boy, so ready to jump to her aid, and now ready for… more? It was hard to tell, but Nora’s mind was flying a mile a minute as Ethan confidently began tearing the velcro from her right wrist. It was necessary to get at the brace’s own fasteners underneath, sure, but… he didn’t know how her body worked, the ways it pushed away every person she wanted to get close to…
He was going to get himself hurt!
Eyes wide, darting between him, her arm, and the screen — she wanted to type but he was so fast! — Nora moaned a warning, “Ughhh!” and tried to calm her muscles, but thinking about them only agitated her arms more, an endless cycle like resisting pins and needles when you’ve been in your chair all day.
“It’s okay. Just tell me if I hurt you, or something, alright?”
‘It’s not okay!’ Nora panicked, which only made her body more tense, and right when the velcro tore, her fist went flying up, missing his face by just an inch or two, waving around unsteadily in the air, outstretched.
“Woah!!!” Ethan dodged. “You nearly got me there!”
He grabbed her thin forearm and brought it down again, not without effort, so Nora now had a moment to type things out. “I am sorry. I am dangerous.”
Ethan chuckled, before realizing what she really meant. It wasn’t a playful threat; it was a solemn admission of guilt, built up over years of untold accidents she could only watch her body cause.
“Hey,” Ethan rubbed her shoulder gently, “I’m fine. You didn’t hurt me. I’ll go a bit slower now that I know you’re coming out swinging.” He smiled simply, not making fun, just trying to keep the mood light.
Nora flicked her eyes up for ‘okay, I guess,’ and watched as the boy unfastened more velcro and unwrapped the brace from her wrist, pulling the plushy ball end out of her clinging grip, causing her fist to collapse and dig her short nails into her palm. It wasn’t too bad, her mom had trimmed them just a few days back, and she made a throaty sigh: slipping her braces off put the relief of going braless to shame.
The exposed skin revealed some inoffensive fragrance and maybe a hint of sweat, and Ethan’s hand tentatively wrapped around the girl’s small, balled-up fist; admiring the slim fingers all pressed together and smoothly curved at the joints, the knuckles like unimposing foothills, the odd bend of her wrist almost asking for the brace’s guidance again. He found it oddly feminine, so delicate, with skin lacking most wrinkles or patterns; soft from a life of complete disuse.
Nora felt his warmth around her clenched fist, tracing her, every touch laced with curiosity about the differences between them as his dexterous hand swallowed her little club-end whole. She felt everything, every stroke and graze and grip. From internment in the braces with guided outings in therapy to sudden contact; it was all so very new! Then he went for more.
He began to pry her fingers open, which wasn’t too tough itself, but spreading them apart elicited a pained grunt from Nora, “Agh-uhhhh!!”
He stopped, her speech saying all it had to.
The two of them wouldn’t be interlocking fingers, it was plain to see. Her eyes almost begged him to try again, knowing full well it wouldn’t work. Her physical therapy routine didn’t include that in their stretches, and why would it? Nora was wholly discouraged, wondering if she could work on it; wondering if she would ever get a chance like this again, but Ethan blew her silent doubt away like it was nothing. He simply slipped his fingers into her palm and let her spasticity hold down gently but persistently, as it had her whole life.
Nora hadn’t known what to expect, but feeling him instead of a palm protector, imagining she was consciously holding him instead of a glorified stress ball was… incredible! With the pressure of his other hand fighting her unsteady arm, keeping it at bay — without pushing down too hard either — Nora felt so safe right then, wishing she always had him holding her down instead of hard plastic and tethers. She thought about moving her arm and it simply shook in his grasp, but the intended side-effect worked! Her hand reflexively gripped him tighter — slightly, she wasn’t as strong as she thought she was — and after trying to smile a few times she simply squealed and looked his way so he would get it.
“So you’ve really never done this before?” Ethan asked. It hadn’t really been too hard, all in all.
Nora looked into his dark eyes, casual and unaffected but focused on her, so close; Nora’s darting around once in a while when she would lose control, then right back. With great reluctance she glanced at the screen. “If I say yes. Just in therapy. Therapist guiding my hand with a utensil. Practicing. Pointless. Or when young. With Play-Doh™ or finger paint. It is not the same as.” Nora couldn’t find the final words — in her head, not on the screen — and the sentence timed out and auto-played.
“As what?”
“This feeling.” she eventually replied with those flat words, her gaze carrying all the earnest wonder they lacked. Nora might still have been strapped securely in her seat, but she felt closer to Ethan than she had been to anyone…
“And… is it like you expected?” he smiled, enjoying how novel this was for her.
Nora took a moment to think. Her cheeks flushed, almost embarrassed by how affected she was, and definitely annoyed by the bolster between her knees. That damned ‘posture correction’ kept her legs apart, and kept the empty feeling there too, as it was too far down to even push on the padding of her diaper. She hadn’t minded it for years and years, but just in the last couple — when the carers’ hygienic wipes began to do more than tickle, Nora blushing and gripping her thumbs in something more than just shy boredom — that’s when it became her sworn enemy, rivaled only by the wedge pillow that filled the same job in her bed. Nora eyed their hands entwined, and at Ethan looking at her sweetly, and then down at her writhing body and her gently squeezing thighs.
Fuck she was pent up, and warm, and about what? Was this what ‘getting turned on’ was all about?
She had asked Vicky once in the school cafeteria, “Do you ever feel warm and tense in your V-A-G-I—” but the volunteer had acted so weird, panicking and shutting off Nora’s speaker before it could finish her thought, and the two uneasy companions had finished their lunch in silence. That had been enough to stymie any further questions, but who else her age could she ask?
“You are very warm,” she finally typed, not wanting to say more than she should.
Ethan wasn’t too far off, himself, but knew very well what the tightening in his jeans meant. “Hmmm, yeah… you’re warm too. And smooth,” he replied, his thumb stroking her idly. With every lingering touch he felt like he was transgressing some unspoken set of boundaries and taboo, each one seeming insurmountable ahead before they dissolved to pointless worry in hindsight.
“Said no one ever.” She squealed alongside the speaker and squeezed his hand again. It was clumsy; Ethan had to hold her arm in place on the tabletop to resist the yank and push, but he could see— he could feel her intention.
“Well, they’re just distracted by all this…” He didn’t have to gesture to make his point. “I’d say you’re a pretty smooth talker at least… I mean, with some killer lag.” He laughed with a squeeze back, prompting Nora to absolutely glare at him and moan ‘I’m going as fast as I can!’ before she focused on her screen.
“So. You have found my true disability. No comedic timing. The doctors say I cannot quip. And you are teasing me. Ruthless. Asshole.”
Ethan didn’t just chuckle to himself, he laughed outright, rubbing her arm and feeling her whole body tense with every silent, gasping laugh of her own.
“Well, you’ve put up with so damn much already, what’s one more jab?”
“Jab? Oh. You are beating up cripples now? Very cool.”
Ethan couldn’t help himself, and he stood up from his bedside, leaned over, and kissed Nora’s cheek. It was more than a peck but he didn’t linger either, pulling back while she fluttered between the two sideguards in her headrest, attention locked on him regardless of her head’s excited movements, an unmistakable smile on the corners of her mouth, and in her sparkling eyes.
Nora’s disbelief burned bright red where his lips had touched, and some sort of tiny involuntary sound escaped her. She caught herself embarrassed not by him but by how excited her body got, how transparently down for that kiss she was, how obvious it was she had been waiting for him to simply make that move like he had to make all the moves tonight.
She averted her gaze just long enough to trigger one word: “Again.”
Infused with all the confidence he needed, Ethan stooped down as requested — no, as commanded — but just as his eyes closed, Nora used all her focus to turn her head sharply and catch his kiss on the upper edge of her open mouth!
Ethan recoiled just a bit, caught off-guard by the messy kiss! It didn’t take him more than a second to decipher the mischievous grin behind her roving expression. The passive girl had reeled him right in and got him good! She was just full of surprises!
“Sneaky!” he chided her, “So you want a real kiss, then….”
She squealed, shook, and glanced hard upward, ‘Took you long enough!’
Restraining her wrist again with the tether, he freed his hands and brought them to Nora’s face, brushing her sandy hair away and wiping her chin dry, before gently pushing on her jaw.
“Can I?” He asked before using more force. She was tense, unsurprisingly, and Ethan had no intention of hurting her for this, when he could kiss so many other places instead…
Nora was up for anything it took at this point, glancing up for ‘go ahead,’ or was it ‘good luck’?
Cradled between her chair and his attentions, there was nowhere for Nora to retreat to as he caressed her cheek and gently-but-firmly closed her gaping mouth, forcing her head back into the cushion, until her teeth met each other; an odd feeling for the girl who hadn’t done a whole lot of chewing in her life. Focused on the boy above her massaging her jaw into submission, Nora hoped this would work, just once… so maybe she could feel what those girls in the living room felt when they drank too much and found someone to pull aside and…
“You okay?” he asked, wiping a tear away from under her foggy glasses.
Nora glanced up for ‘yes’, blinking fast to quell the tears. She didn’t want to derail this… “MMMMMmmmmmph!” she added, eyes hungry, mouth held closed. ‘Kiss me already!’
Ethan let another tear fall. When none followed, he leaned in.
She had no idea if her lips were puckering right, but it must have been close enough. Ethan’s face, so close to hers, held no hesitation — none of the fear or pity she had expected for her first kiss — as he held her head steady between two strong hands, thumbs holding her jawline. Nora shut her eyes and felt his lips on hers, full and warm, a bit wet but also… all-consuming. Bound as it was to the chair, her body shook, twitched, and tested every restraint keeping her down, but it almost didn’t matter as his soft touch kept her right where she needed to be.
For as long as he could.
Ethan didn’t expect her to kiss him back, and she didn’t really — she couldn’t — but her lips were pliable for just a few sweet moments before her face grimaced and jaw muscles really cranked back open.
He tried not to let his discouragement show. The hardest part for him was decoupling her body — her expressions — from the intentions and desires underneath. What felt to him like a girl somewhat disinterested, then rejecting his advances, was actually frustrating Nora just as much, if not more.
She was about to apologize, about to call this all off, but Ethan leant in and began kissing her neck, something she hadn’t expected… to feel so good! Nora eyed her screen over his back, “I did not know people kiss there. Please keep doing that.”
Ethan chuckled, listening to her guttural purr. Even that didn’t sound ‘sexy’ per se, it was just her uncoordinated vocal chords trying their best. He didn’t really want to get into why he knew this secret spot was so sensitive, how many girls it had worked on in college when he should have been focusing on his grades. But Nora was different, this wasn’t a drunken fling in a frat house or a dorm room. Last he checked, Orange Crush was zero proof.
He caught his mind wandering, and he just refocused on how Nora’s skin felt, how it tasted, as he pulled her damp handkerchief bib down and off… exposing her chest above the v-neck cut of her shirt — pretending he hadn’t already seen more than he should have in her fits — and ran his lips over her collarbone, as far as he could follow until the padded shoulder bars blocked his advances.
Nora could hardly handle this overwhelming sensation, her body pulling and shaking within the tight clearances allowed by her rolling cage. This kind of care and devotion to every inch of her exposed skin was revolutionary to a young woman who knew ‘care’ to mean something much less passionate.
Now if only she could expose more for him, herself…
That tense, agonizing feeling below was only growing now, and Nora couldn’t help but worry. There were so many roadblocks between here and there! She didn’t even know what ‘there’ even was for a girl like her! Did Ethan? Would he back out once he saw her tube again? Or her diaper?!
”Ethan.”
At the odd incantation of his name, he pulled himself off of the vulnerable girl in front of him, and glanced at the door as a first instinct. He always locked it to keep some privacy and now he hoped nobody would come asking about Nora, only to see the host’s older brother making out with a girl who could not move at all on her own. He caught himself. That probably wasn’t the issue, “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I do not want my first kiss to be my last. Please. Try again.”
Nora tried to close her hanging mouth and some twitches registered on her lips, her head shaking, the warm bedside light flickering in her wire-rimmed glasses.
Ethan obliged her, cradling her cheeks again and firmly closing her jaw, but he didn’t close all the way this time, leaving space… space he invaded with his tongue when his lips met hers, full and twitching and uncoordinated in their hunger for more. Her chin was slippery — Ethan had forgotten to wipe her face — but he could feel Nora pushing toward him, if nothing else.
It was strange; kissing a girl who could not embrace him, or feel him up. But with both arms strapped down, Nora was all his, and that anxious energy emanating from the inevitable knock on his door actually urged him on; urged his tongue deeper to flick at hers while it could. Exploring her for the first time, it was more than a little exciting to kiss this beautiful, helpless girl properly.
Ethan still felt guilty about how Nora’s disability excited him, but then it crystallized: he enjoyed her. The two of them got along far better than any of his dates in the past year, better than anyone in his life, that was already clear from just talking tonight. He enjoyed Nora, and she lived in this body. It was all one package.
His body was as close to hers as it could be and Ethan could feel his cock harden on the hard metal he was leaning across, as he deepened the kiss. He needed to get her in his bed, now.
Luckily, Nora was thinking the same thing, desperately.
Chapter 9
He hummed something deeply into her mouth, satisfied, before separating himself, his cheeks almost as flushed as hers. “…you’re a pretty good kisser, y’know?” he confided from a steamy inch away. A polite exaggeration, sure, but he was still trying to catch his breath. Ethan couldn’t deny that he had enjoyed that.
A giggle escaped her as a choking shake, but a clear smile pulled at her lips and squinted her eyes.
Nora doubted it, but had no doubts about the connection forming between them. Trying to reach his lips again, Nora lifted her head and it merely drooped forward, making another wet mess down her chin and chest that Ethan had to wipe away with the soft bib he had torn from her neck earlier, now more careful to fold it into a small square and keep it close by. She could only sadly laugh to herself as his hands cupped under her ears like he had before… and instead rested her head back. Oh, she would never ever be smooth.
He was hovering though, and that was silencing her.
“Aaahhhhngggggk” Nora moaned, rolling her eyes over and over until he caught her meaning: ‘Please, if you’re not going to kiss me, get out of the way.’
“Sorry.” she typed first, once she could see her tablet. “I wish you could be right here and I could whisper like they do in movies.”
Ethan just shook his head. “Why are you sorry? I was the one blocking your eye-line.”
She gave him a ‘what a gentleman’ glance and kept typing, eyes moving a mile a minute while he stroked her arm idly. Taking a second to enjoy his touch, Nora wondered if maybe she could be smooth too, for once…
“Speaking of which,” her prepared folder of segues came to the rescue, “you should mount my tablet at a good angle when you move me to your bed.”
Nora’s cheeky forwardness right then made Ethan double-take, then look at her screen to read the textbox for himself, lighting him up with the biggest oh-no-she-didn’t grin! For the record, Nora was still terrible at being smug or cool, her body twisting in her clumsy silent laugh, her giggle bubbling over in gasps.
“Oh yeah? When I move you into my bed?” Ethan teased, looking behind himself at his queen mattress, a simple sturdy Ikea thing, and privately thanked himself for cleaning up for his failed date the night before.
“Only if you want. Handsy. I thought you were going to show me things.” Nora was bright red now, not even knowing what ‘things’ she was necessarily implying. She almost didn’t hit send, silently begging someone to turn this screen off and shut her up! What was she saying? What was she making this poor midwestern girl say?
But Ethan did know what she was implying, and even wholly caught off guard by her cheeky request, he was thankful she had broached the subject, still nervous about what she could and couldn’t do, or how far they could go.
“Ok, princess. How do we get you out of all this?”
Nora led Ethan through it all, wishing her mom had pre-written a script for this… before she recoiled from that thought: her mom should have nothing to do with the words she was saying right now. First, her table tray had to come off, but her wrists were currently tethered to a D-ring in the middle — one braced and one not — so he needed to detach her from that first.
Watching for any sudden moves, Ethan freed Nora’s left hand from the plastic and felt bracing like he had her right, but luckily this one didn’t reach out to punch him in the face. Letting go of her wrist, Nora’s left arm instead slowly tensed up toward her and pressed her useless hand into her modest chest. It pressed in and rolled reflexively, mashing her boob underneath with a weak but persistent force. Nora blushed. Left unbound for too long, the kneading of her tiny fist compulsively digging in, sure it could get painful — that’s why she slept with her wrists tethered away from her, too — but in her current mood the pressure was… nice. Ethan found himself staring at the spastic girl touching herself awkwardly for a second, but her other arm spasmed, waved, and slammed down on the plexi tabletop loudly, startling the poor boy and leaving Nora gasping in silent laughter. Even with a wince from her unprotected hand’s impact, that was priceless, and Ethan knew full well he had been caught staring.
“Uhh, I was just wondering if I should stop you from— stop it from doing that.” he mumbled with his tail between his legs.
Nora smiled inside, while typing, “No. Leave it. I like it.” and then returned Ethan’s stare in playful defiance while her athetotic fist idly massaged her breast in front of him. For the first time in her life, Nora wasn’t embarrassed by her left hand’s ideas. His secret glances and dumbstruck stares were cute — and hungry — making it all worth it.
That left the wild one, her right arm. Wristcuff still fastened, she instructed Ethan to pull the soft tether out from the tray top, bend her arm in half, take the strap like a leash and wrap it under her armpit and around the front and velcro tight to itself. Now folded like a bird’s wing — with great effort — writhing harmlessly like its sister, Nora typed again, “Now just make sure I do not punch myself.” It was rare but very possible — with her tightly curled fist up by her shoulder and face — and why Nora’s mom and caretakers used this simple tie as a temporary solution when transferring her in or out of her chair, or at the community center pool over in Olympia. This arm was the real animal.
“What about your legs?” Ethan asked while he began fiddling with the different connections of her table tray. It seemed obviously made to be disassembled with almost no effort, Ethan thought, eventually sliding the tray off the armrests and setting it aside. “Are they going to kick me too?” he wondered aloud.
It was only when his eyes fell on her empty lap that Ethan realized how unnecessary his concern had been. With the tray gone, bib too, he finally had a good glimpse of Nora’s eighteen-year-old body, unlike any other. She was probably shorter than his sister if he could have stood her up straight, and just as thin. She wasn’t sitting so much as cradled by her chair. Her chest thrust forward as her hips ground into the seat in the latest great idea her body had for drawing his eye. Other than a periodical squeezing around a padded section dividing her knees, and a persistent squirming that seemed to get her nowhere, Nora’s thighs looked too thin to put up that kind of fight, two wide-set twigs wrapped tightly in some black leggings with a strange bulge by her hips.
Nora looked down for ‘no, they won’t’ and typed four words that were even harder to say than asking to get in his bed. “Pull up my shirt.”
Ethan did as commanded… and found quite a surprise — a couple, actually.
He had of course known the tube he had given Nora meds through must go somewhere, and yet the white plastic cap punctuating the soft expanse of bare skin still caught him off-guard, the clear tube definitely going inside. What was far more confusing and unsettling was the other side of her belly, almost hidden by the high waist of her leggings, equidistant from her belly button, the skin raised by something big, round, and flat… and obviously underneath.
When he wiped whatever expression he had off his face and looked up, Nora was already typing.
“I know it is gross…”
Ethan wanted to say it wasn’t, but her words didn’t pause long enough for him to lie.
“…but it is really important. On my right there is my G-tube. It is how I eat everything. Everything. I have the real word programmed in here but it is a mouthful.” Nora wished she could paint a smirk on her drooling lip; the digital voice did always say ‘gastrostomy’ wrong, but it made a decent joke for her at least. “The big bump is an implant that gives me anti-spasticity medication right in my spine. Side-effect is my legs are thinner, but it is better this way.”
Nora’s eyes followed his back downward, before she asked him…
“If you are going to move me out of my wheelchair. I need you to promise me. Ethan.”
He focused, caught off guard by the weird pronunciation of his name again. “Anything, what is it?”
Nora wished she didn’t have to say this, it was so awkward. She warned him it would take a long time to type, and then began, “I trust you. But. I need you to know that out of my wheelchair I cannot do anything. If we do things together. You will need to move me. And help me talk. And…” she hated typing this so much, “…clean me afterward. Dress me. And make it look like this never happened. Do you understand what I am asking?”
He stopped and truly looked at her, holding her right hand away from her face, then just holding it. “You’re saying that if I can’t take care of you, I should stop here…”
With a sour turn in her tummy, Nora glanced up for ‘yes.’
He slipped his fingers into her angry fist to steady it. “Do you think I can handle it?”
With a smile flitting between confident, nervous, excited; Nora again glanced up for ‘yes.’
Ethan nodded. “I promise I’ll take care of you, Nora. Don’t be scared.”
To be honest, the impromptu carer wasn’t as turned off as Nora thought he was. Neck deep already, no matter how things looked, Ethan was game. Part of him knew this. Part of him, a sliver still apprehensive, wanted to stop. Another part couldn’t stop watching her weak fist grope her own boob while her innocent eyes were so hopeful he would help her get closer to him, so obviously and earnestly hoping he wouldn’t be scared of her.
The last part of him just got on with it. “Is there anything else I should do?”
Eyes darting about, she explained how to turn off the pump he had triggered earlier, pinch the tube and detach it, before he could close the cap.
She watched his hands hesitate, before assuredly detaching her feeding tube like he had done it a hundred times before. A little caught off-guard, she tried to pick up the pace, but her eyes could only type so fast!
“I am in a posture system for my hips.” she explained, as sitting all day with spasms had the painful habit of dislocating hips and twisting spines over time. She needed it, but she sure as hell didn’t need it right now. “Just undo everything down there.”
Ethan could do that much for sure. He followed her slim legs down to little loops keeping Nora’s knobby knees hugging the bolster between, unfastening and removing the cumbersome foam separator. It seemed he would be doing the separating himself, sooner rather than later. Refocusing, he found two big bulky pads on her shins, apparently keeping her from slipping down the seat, which he unfastened with a knob in the middle and stashed by the discarded tray top and other pieces. Lastly, two tight velcro straps around her ankles, keeping her slightly-twisting feet in their resting points with her shoe soles down on the footrest; those were slipped free as well.
Her angry arm waved, elbow out, pacified by the simple bondage, as Nora’s body sat nearly free in front of his crouching stance, twisting clumsily every so often yet never truly stopping. It felt like she was putting on a show for him, but he knew that wasn’t right — wasn’t correct nor even okay to think, and yet the endless twisting and bucking and squirming had him firmly at attention.
Ethan did notice the way Nora’s spasms and motions gradually quieted as he followed her curves downward, the implant giving her some noticeable respite below the waist, but they still weren’t motionless. Now, with nothing holding them in place, Nora’s legs gradually ventured away from their rigidly-set positions, her foot kicking out a bit, resulting in nothing but a gentle nudge as he kneeled before the disabled girl in her throne, looking down her nose at him.
“Uuuuhhhhhng,” she almost whimpered, her head shaking side-to-side of its own volition. She had no words, none at all. With only her two shoulder bars keeping her back against the seat, Nora had never been this naked or vulnerable with anyone who wasn’t related to her or paid to be there — and naked was a relative term, with all her clothes still on…
He started to fix that, untying her shoe and slipping it off to find… another brace, this one hugging her foot, ankle, and shin, before slipping off the other shoe, and finding the same. Her little curled toes poked out of the thin white plastic and Ethan wondered just how Nora lived in this soft prison. Her feet looked off… entirely unused to bearing weight, and Ethan was reminded again that he was undressing the most helpless, cute, disabled, innocent, eager, unique woman he had ever had a chance with.
To Nora, the boy kneeling in front of her looked so trepidatious and hesitant… until he didn’t. Suddenly that clinical, caring facade broke again like the snap of latex gloves coming off, and his hands had returned to something more passionate and intense and instinctual, abandoning his task of unwrapping her from the many parts and pieces of her orthotic shell, running up her atrophied thighs from branch to root, his thumbs grazing the empty void between and stopping before touching anything too naughty — avoiding the puffy something-or-other in her leggings which blocked the terminus of her thigh gap. His touch tickled her in some new way that didn’t make her laugh but groan, much too loud, “UuuuhhhHHNG!”
Ethan shushed her with an anxious glance at the door and laughed sweetly, amused by how a simple stroke on her inner thigh sent her body back to fits, relaxed and assured by how plainly she was enjoying this. He was too. This was interesting. Different.
Biggest understatement of all time.
Nora noticed him getting close to her groin, though. She couldn’t stomach the idea of telling him about her diaper yet. Even if he had promised, even if he could see the bulky absorbent pad under her leggings by now, even if he had taken everything so far in stride; she couldn’t bring herself to speak of it, so she diverted as quickly as she could.
“Please help. This hand. I need a break. Put a pillow or something underneath.” Nora said, adding what she hoped were ‘pretty please’ eyes.
Standing high over her again, Ethan mustered his courage and slowly slipped his hand between her slim fist and her boob, protecting it from the repetitive kneading, imposing his own grip on her. To his delight, this was simpler. Nora’s breast was that of any girl; it was warm, soft, and felt amazing under his touch, the lace bralette merely a texture beneath her shirt, no padding to get in his way: as if she could be any more vulnerable…
“Does this work?” he asked breathily into her ear. Nora tried to feign surprise or indignance but it wasn’t worth the effort, instead melting at the smirk in his voice. Nora blushed at how well her baiting had worked, and how quickly he saw right through it. She barely held back a moan as her spastic, folded hand pressed on his, tightly; almost under the illusion she was holding him there, imploring Ethan to grope her harder.
“That is pretty good,” she let her tablet say as she squealed happily; terrible at being coy.
“Oh yeah? ‘Pretty good?’ I can do one better.”
Nora looked down at how the thin green shirt hugged her slightly-misshapen torso, its deep v-neck cut open and offering her chest to him, the part of her body she was most proud of. She glanced just in time to watch his hand retreat… no, don’t leave… only to slip into the cut and under her bra effortlessly, so firm and strong as it cupped her better than any underwear could. Nora couldn’t believe this was happening! This boy had just skipped past everything she was ready for. He was so sure of himself. He was so warm. This feeling was incredible, unmatched in any way.
But looking downward — moving her neck — had angered her body, overreaching however much will she was allotted, and Nora whined as her stupid, damaged motor cortex pushed her face away from him again, firm against the far side of her headrest, even going so far as to take full command so Nora could only stare at the cheap popcorn ceiling for several endless seconds. Ethan paused only briefly, before he dipped into her vulnerability and caressed her neck with his mouth as she lay there with zero control, sending a flash through her chest and between her legs, a desire Nora knew she had never touched upon before, even in her lonely writhings in bed, imagination doing its very best. Now she knew for sure: her imagination had no fuck-ing clue.
This moment, this impenetrable incapacitation, even worse than usual — though definitely not as bad as the storm earlier — while he continued to explore her body so confidently, while she couldn’t say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ if she tried: Why was this, of all things, making her so tingly and tense deep in her belly; in her private place? Nora had spent so many years fighting her body, hating how every chance for normalcy passed her by due to that same feeling of being trapped and useless, hating how people touched her and moved her without her say, well-aware how much she needed them to… Why did she get so excited by him slipping his hand somewhere he shouldn’t before he even asked, when countless carers had done the same, leaving nothing but a feeling she was a passenger in her own life?
It slowly crystallized in her head, as slow as his kisses dotted her skin, the difference: this time, he was doing it for her enjoyment, on Nora’s terms, and what’s more: she wasn’t afraid. She was completely at his mercy, yes, but it felt… good.
Finally wrestling back some limited agency of her eyes, she was about to start typing, tell him about this feeling, when his breath tickled her ear and he moaned her name. “Nora…”
She tried to reciprocate, “EEEEyyyyaaaahhh…” but with her mouth hanging open like it did, chin wet from her restless, uncooperative tongue, consonants were a pipe dream. Still, she tried so hard to make some semblance of sense, if not by diction then by essence.
Her effort was not lost on Ethan. He surprised himself with how, in only the few hours since her moans had been nothing but gibberish to him, his preference had completely shifted away from the cold, crisp, awkward accuracy of the tablet’s reading. Nora’s voice — her real voice — initially sounded so strange, but now there was simply no contest. He could hear how much of her was bottled up inside, and when she said his name…
“Nora, I want you…” he whispered, suddenly manhandling her arms to unlock and lift her shoulder bars up and out of the way. With each click and clasp undone, he finally freed her from her chair. “Are you ready?”
Nora forced her eyes to behave, looking intently at her boy, then up as far as possible, and back at him, and within a swift blur of a moment, he was holding her in his arms.
Chapter 10
“Are you ready?” Ethan asked like a sign warning ‘last gas for 100 miles’, putting his hands around her back and legs, bunching her knees together. She was squirming still, which worried him, but he knew that wasn’t likely to stop anytime soon. What Ethan didn’t want was a rehash of last summer, fishing with his Dad, reeling in a massive sockeye salmon for half an hour only for the animal to squirm out of his grasp at the last second.
Ethan shook himself from that memory, as Nora was hardly another fish in the sea. He was just nervous. The last thing he wanted to do was drop her.
A determined ‘yes’ in Nora’s simple code gave him the go-ahead, but it was her adoring eyes afterward which gave him strength as he slipped his arms under her and lifted; her butt leaving the safety of her seat. Nora’s diet of carefully-measured formula kept her on the lean side but, even petite as she was, Ethan didn’t exactly manhandle other people on the daily. Nonetheless, his hold was solid and firm, stomping slowly around the chair, around the tablet cantilevered out in his way.
For Nora, being in Ethan’s arms and looking up at him was something remarkable. While a sling and hoist lift like back at home was way easier for her carers, that wasn’t an option here, and Nora was selfishly pleased. She hadn’t been held like this for… many years. Even the pool and such had a lift, that’s why they drove almost two hours to go to that one. But there in Ethan’s bedroom, in that moment without the words ‘safe’ or ‘practical’ within reach; Nora was just a girl with a bit of a twist who sat in a chair like any other, taking a playful break in Ethan’s strong arms, ready for him to carry her over the threshold like in those corny movies, not because he needed to… but because he wanted to.
Ethan tried to hide his heavy breathing when he set her down. Nora’s body flopped out, unsupported on the bedspread, as gravity reminded her who’s boss. There in his bed, she was frighteningly free, her head turning back and forth as her neck got used to his soft pillow, the repetitive action throwing off a slight hint of him, everything so lovely and unfamiliar.
Nora admired the lack of medical equipment in Ethan’s room for a second, the two measly pillows instead of mountains of posturing cushions and tethers, and the fact his bedspread didn’t have the familiar crinkle of a chuck pad underneath. She hoped dearly that her body wouldn’t do anything gross. She would’ve crossed her fingers, if they bent that way…
As her body squirmed slowly in place, Nora wondered for a second when he would put the guard rails up, before quickly wanting to kick herself, almost thankful she didn’t type out something so silly. But with her tablet out of sight, there was no chance. She would need it soon, undoubtedly, but not now. Now was time for much simpler, closer communication.
Ethan leant over her again, turning her by the cheek to look at him through her glasses, which he slipped off and folded on his nightstand next to the half-full cup of orange soda, brushing her hair out of her eyes. He grasped her under the ears and ran his thumbs under her open jaw, in a way Nora now recognized as him asking for permission, which she granted with a new kind of ‘yes’: not looking up but instead at his mouth.
He noticed, lighting up with a sly grin. “Message received.”
He closed Nora’s mouth for her and lent a deep kiss on her lips, which had somehow learned to give in to him even amid her face’s contortions. Nora felt… pleased with her uncooperative body for once, but only for a second. Ethan bit her lip teasingly, eliciting a surprised choking yelp, eyes wide! She felt her body react to her jolt, her angry wing agitated, even hitting and bouncing off his chest. With one hand easily pinning it aside, he couldn’t keep her mouth closed, so settled for her cheek with the same passion, venturing down her neck again, making Nora heat up… everywhere.
“Uuugh!” She caught his attention. A flick of her eyes downward, surveying herself, and back at him was enough, punctuated by another moan. ‘Take off my shirt. I don’t need any more layers than necessary between us.’
He nodded, and left to strip her from the bottom up. Nora would’ve shrugged if she could have, pretty familiar to having things lost in translation… until she realized what he was about to uncover. Wait, no!
If Nora had a wish, a wish for one body part she could control, just one aspect where she could decide anything, snatch back authority from whatever part of her brain was so tangled and damaged from her messy entry into this world; her bladder and bowel would be her choice. Maybe that was an idiotic choice in lieu of nimble hands or a voice that could sing like they did on Glee, but Nora was familiar with living without all that. She never had it; missing it was abstract at best.
But soiling herself and feeling someone else wipe her ass had gone from being barely worth a thought when she was a kid, to the norm in special education class, to horrifyingly embarrassing from the very first time she rolled back into the co-ed classroom after a potty break with every able-bodied eye on her, knowing or guessing what had just happened. And it had only gotten worse with each passing year. Just that night, Vicky had rubbed it in her face, and now her brother was going to wrinkle his nose just the same, as soon as he saw…
Anxious yet again, Nora could only wait there and watch, spasming alone on Ethan’s bed as — unaware of her nerves — he lifted her feet up one by one to unfasten her ankle braces, rolling her leggings up just to rip some velcro, let her floppy feet free, ponder silently over who shaved her legs, and roll them back down again.
He noticed a small grunt when he pulled her heels his way, and then was more careful the next time. What Ethan soon clued into was that Nora’s knees didn’t really extend straight, staying somewhat bent and askew. A life lived sitting in wheelchairs must’ve been the culprit, like with her feet, but he didn’t want to ask, didn’t want to draw attention to her differences. Or to his odd attraction to them.
He left her legs propped up together politely, but the constant movement and gravity’s incessant pull eventually had her knees fall to each side like a book spreading wide, making Nora moan out in pain at the sudden strain on her hips. “AAAAaaauuuhhh!” The pain almost surprised her, as she just never been laid like this, and Nora couldn’t help but worry. If he needed access to her privates to have the sex, and she couldn’t spread her legs… then…
Nora let out an indistinct yelp.
“Oh damn, let me go get something to make that more comfortable, I’m sorry.”
Ethan quickly dug around in his closet for some decorative pillows his Mom had failed to convince him to use for the bed. They weren’t incredibly comfortable, but they were firm and plush. Setting a few down to keep her legs spread but not about to dislocate doing the splits — he didn’t know how legitimate a worry that really was — Ethan made a little cradle for her thighs, the squirming girl looking like a turtle stuck on her back, legs spread and waiting for him. It felt so suggestive and so wrong, as he had gone from holding her in his arms to being sterile and separate; looking over her, preparing her for what was about to happen. What he needed to do was get down there and lay with Nora, hold her, support her. All this unwrapping was a tease, to say the least.
Running his hands up her thin legs as he crawled onto the bed, Ethan grasped under her shirt for the waistband of her pants to pull off.
“EEEEaaah!!” A sharp squeal burst out of Nora, eyes full of worry and cheeks blushing hard as he pulled. Thinking he might have inadvertently hurt her again — touched the thing under her skin or something — Ethan jolted as well, but Nora was straining to look down against her body’s wishes, to peek at how obvious the padded bulge in her tights was, and her worries became clear.
“Hey, do you want me to stop?” he whispered, fingers hooked on the stretchy waistband, paused. Honestly, Ethan knew what he would find — her tights didn’t hide much — and so part of him imagined he might kind of know how Nora must feel in this moment.
It made sense, all in all. Having just graduated from high school yet still being in diapers wasn’t a position Ethan envied. He knew her life had countless roadblocks like this, and they inspired in him a healthy curiosity, but not envy, not even remotely. Tonight was likely yet another rite of passage for Nora in a long line of rites that had to be adapted; accommodated. He would’ve been wary too, in her position. Already, tonight hardly followed the script of the usual flirting first time hookup, and now, in lieu of cute panties, she’d need him to change her diaper, maybe even clean her up before they did anything. That did worry him a bit, but Ethan knew he had promised Nora that things could get messy and he would handle it. He had promised.
He backed off and laid beside her, chaste and distanced before he came to his senses, holding her close with their clothes on, kissing her jawline, running his hand up her thigh and over the obvious bulk wrapping her hips to her waist, as if saying without words, ‘this won’t stop a thing.’
It seemed to ease her somewhat, but Ethan could still see the anxiety in her body’s frantic contortions. “Hey, you know I know, right?”
Nora flicked her eyes up, ‘Yes, but it’s not that simple, I—’
“Are you dirty?” he asked plainly, “Is that what you’re worried about?”
That question had her eyes glancing all over, a nervous side-to-side that was all she had left when ‘yes’ and ‘no’ wouldn’t cut it. That was the worst part… Nora couldn’t really tell. The storm earlier didn’t discriminate which muscles it spasmed and released, and she could easily have wet herself a little bit without noticing, or the other thing.
“Well then let’s just do this. I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you think.”
Ethan held his brave face as he rose onto his knees and once again tried to slide her leggings down. Some shimmying was involved, and nervous spasms too, but this time Nora tried to remember how much she wanted this — wanted him — as first the pastel pink diaper was exposed before her pale legs became bare too. Ethan finally pulled her tights free, cascading through the air into a heap with her discarded braces and wheelchair parts. Looking down, he couldn’t help but admire the disabled girl in his bed, momentarily taken aback by how all that bulk and burden was needed to contain and sustain such a cute little thing. Running his hand up her delicate skin, he noticed how his light touch tickled her, sending her body into more agitated fits. So sensitive, so untouched; Ethan doubled back to rub out the itch and touch her more honestly.
He almost hated to admit it, but the diaper was… a little cute. It wasn’t like the Depends commercials you might see on TV, and it wasn’t as disproportionate as a baby’s either, lying somewhere in the middle. A part of Ethan wanted to shed this lovely girl of her shirt too, to see her in nothing but a bra and diaper, but he had to measure himself. If he did that now, she would undoubtedly get cold. There would be a time for that, and more.
“Let’s see what we’ve got here,” he said mostly to himself, and with a tear of adhesive tape on her hips, and a worried whine from Nora, Ethan held his breath and unwrapped… a semi-recently shaved pussy, smelling of something womanly that hadn’t had a chance to breathe, glistening with nothing dirtier than her attraction to him.
As they both let out their own sighs of relief, Nora squirmed, her thighs tensing together, useless hand rolling against her chest, back arching and pushing out, a blush the only outlet for years of unsated desire. Unabashedly excited, Ethan loathed to mutter a quick “just one sec,” slipping off the bed to slowly pull his shirt off and slip out of his tight jeans — growing tighter by the second — while his eyes explored Nora laid out before him.
Meanwhile Nora got her own treat watching him undress for her, trying to keep her head from turning away like her life depended on it, mostly succeeding. He was lean and lanky but with a confidence to his motions that boys her age didn’t have. It took him no time at all compared to her, pulling his shirt over his head like it was nothing; discarding his pants while standing — pure gymnastics to her. As he crawled into bed again, tight boxer briefs tenting something that made her eyes go wide and her legs twist, Nora tried to move her arms and gesture to her shirt too, silently asking him to finally take it off, but they only waved unsteadily about a foot away from where either her or her body wanted them to be, before tightening back up to her chest.
A small grunt and a glance at her feisty little wing told Ethan he had to do something about that little rascal. Unbinding it from the velcro tether, he pulled her arms out of the way and awkwardly fought them out of her sleeves, pulling the cute green top over her head and, with a three-point shot, into the same pile as the rest. Her bralette — lacy with two snap buttons in the front, inches from her curled hands — was almost pulled off too and sent soaring so it wouldn’t feel left out, but Ethan actually did like the bra-and-diaper look, as odd as he felt admitting it to himself.
He settled down close to the girl he was supposed to be comforting and keeping away from the drama with his sister. Welp… this was one hell of a distraction. Oh how the night had gone down a strange and amazing turn. Now there was nothing in their way! Now they could finally—
A sudden rustling knock of the door came, shocking both the lovers in bed, as two giggling voices — a couple of teenagers — tried to get in!! In panic Ethan hastily flapped her diaper closed and grabbed the comforter under them, wrapping it over, so the couple found themselves swaddled in a burrito of sorts, a mess of pillows and contorted limbs.
The wild party animal kept jiggling the locked knob, before abandoning the effort to find another room, leaving Nora and Ethan to look at each other, suddenly so close together. A silent second passed and they both let out a burst of nervous laughter, with Nora even allowing some low groans in her usual gasp. Ethan didn’t know she had still been holding back, but thought it endearing how she slowly allowed more of her uncoordinated vocalizations to get out with him.
He grasped for a cloth from the bedside table and wiped Nora’s chin.
“That was a close call, if they knew what we were doing in here… Oh my god can you imagine!?” Ethan paused, feigning embarrassment, “God, they might want to join in or something!”
Nora twisted in their little cocoon, doing her best to pout at him, “OOowAA!” ‘You handsy asshole! Don’t tease me like that!’
She tried to pretend-fight him, but her angry arm was pinned underneath, pounding his back randomly; and all her uncoordinated squirming managed to do was weakly kick some pillows and leave the two laughing again… and kissing in their special way.
Taking stock, Ethan could tell the carefully laid out missionary pose he had arranged her in was now totally undone, but with him taking her in his arms, cradling her head, her legs closed, nestled over his, skin on skin; finally in that comfortable closeness he knew had been missing earlier, neither of them were complaining. Inspired with a renewed sense of urgency from that potential invasion, Ethan kissed her passionately on one cheek, holding the other in the cup of his hand, feeling the hint of a smile tense under the surface.
Nora was uncharacteristically at ease in his cradling hold, folded into him, her hips no longer open wide and straining. She wondered how they were going to ‘do it’ now, but she honestly wasn’t worried anymore, confident that Ethan would figure it out. She simply focused on his touch, trailing up her bare legs, spreading them slightly for her as he pushed the diaper through her thigh gap and out of the way.
“Uuuugh” she moaned slightly, quietly, ‘I still need protection.’
That was undoubtedly true in more ways than one, reinforced by how easily his fingers slipped down between her legs to touch her… she didn’t have the words for what he was touching exactly. Her useless arms shook in place, gripping her thumbs even tighter than usual. Her thoughts jumbled and devolved into a rush of shivering energy that had no outlet but a whimpering moan into his chest, as he massaged her somewhere her therapists never dared.
Nora couldn’t help but choke out a giggle, as a curious thought flew through her pleasure-fueled daze. His body… it was as restless as hers, but in a far different way. His hands seemed so strong and confident and wholly unhindered in their search for touch, like hers would be if they had the choice. What surprised Nora about this funny thought, was the peace she had found with her role in this little two-part play. She was the receiver, the admired, the sponge of every graze and grip and kiss and nibble, all sensations that she had never known could be felt — or missed — in her isolated shell of metal, plastic, fabric, and foam. Nora had gone from hating to be the center of her class’s attention to reveling in being the center of his!
As his tactile explorations slipped over her belly up to her chest, grazing her subdermal pump and g-tube port like they were nothing at all, he found her breasts again. Nora squealed! With just a squeeze and a pinch, her left nipple presented itself for further amusement through the thin bralette, poking out, sensitive. Ethan seemed to find all her buttons, including the ones keeping her bralette closed in the front — accessible for her, in theory — and one-handedly unclipped it, the last garment bracing and biting into her now released, his free hand slipping under her kneading fist again.
Just as she was suddenly nude in his embrace, a sudden wave of athetotic spasms gripped Nora and made her shake, roll, convulse in his arms; grunting in dissatisfaction. But with her head in the crook of his left arm, her feisty arm quelled by him laying on it, and his right hand abandoning her breast to save it from her tiny fist, gripping her wrist to keep it at bay, he held her almost as well as her wheelchair, and Nora felt… safe.
Safe even from herself.
She could only look up at the boy, who was grimacing at the sudden onslaught yet subtly pleased with himself for weathering the storm. She coughed a bit and refocused, searching for a reason why he was so unfazed, why he wanted to do this with her, of all people; searching perhaps for why no one else ever had. But even as her face-reading prowess only got her so far, she didn’t doubt. She knew enough about boys from health class and rumors to know that even as sincere as Ethan had been with her, the true test was feeling his unrelenting thing firmly poking into her butt.
Nora tried to take advantage of this frenzy to shift her hips… to give him something in return… but it got lost in the jumbled mix. Entirely unable to reciprocate or make a move, Nora had to simply enjoy how his body pressed into hers as much as her writhing rubbed into him, skin on skin, low moans and grinding continuing on, even as her spell of bad weather passed.
Breathing heavily in heaven, Nora’s thoughts all clicked into place.
She loved how his touch could oscillate from tender and caring to that of a horny young man who wasn’t holding something delicate… who didn’t always wait to take his kiss… who wasn’t letting her stop and get nervous and wait and hold on anymore. With a disability as severe as Nora’s kind of cerebral palsy, there would always be a reason to stop, to pause. What she had misinterpreted earlier as some kind of enjoyment in being taken advantage of wasn’t the real reason she adored being held by him. Through his motions, he told her without words that it wasn’t just okay, that she was sexy, that it didn’t have to be complicated, or if it was he would rise to the challenge.
It was the exact opposite of her carers and therapists, paid to be there and keep her safe at all cost. He was so real… and raw… and she loved it so damn much!
Feeling small and held, Nora felt like Ethan was everywhere around her, and she was surprised to find she wanted him inside her too.
Chapter 11
As she gazed up and admired him from the crook of his arm, mouth opening and closing like she had just been put on the spot to answer the meaning of life, head wavering side-to-side like a persistent tremor of denial; he idly wondered if her body ever stopped squirming, even asleep — knowing full well that questions such as those could wait.
The bass was still pounding, and so was his heart.
Ethan could have done anything to Nora right then as they cuddled in the blankets, his body cradling hers, so turned on he could hardly focus. The misshapen, lithe little figure couldn’t stop moving and rubbing against him, and she was giving him the same eye she had when her innocent hand first touched her breast. It was the subtlest flirting expression that only appeared in her eyes and brows, and even then got washed away intermittently by the waves of uncoordinated movement she was at the mercy of. Mercy like his own.
Yes, Ethan could have done anything to Nora right then, but ‘anything’ was such a strong word…
This feeling of utter freedom was so double-edged. Ethan had the task of showing Nora her first time ever and, with her situation in mind, maybe for some time…
Catching himself, Ethan snapped at his own instinct to put Nora down or assume the worst. He knew one thing for sure: any guy would’ve been lucky to have such a cute girl in his arms, looking at him the way she was right then, dependent on him for everything. But therein laid the pressure. Ethan had to admit he usually gathered a certain subtle comfort when a girl directed his hand where she liked it best, or peeled off her own clothes to put on a bit of a show. Here, every step required something more. Trust? Consent? It was something close. Here, Nora asking him to get her ready was her striptease.
Aware he was wasting precious time, Ethan put it all out of his head and just ate her up, his lips meeting the crook of her neck in the way she had liked so much before, letting his free hand run up along her leg, thumb gripping at her, almost massaging the tense wiry muscles that would give way to others that hadn’t tensed once since the storm. He reached around and grabbed at her ass — flat and… not so different. Nora seemed to really like that and closed her eyes, a low sound growling out of her, reverberating into him so close.
He could just maybe guess which futile motions toward and away from his touch were her, but it made little difference. Ethan had to move along with her shuffles and squirms, her hips twisting as her chest pushed up, almost implying some sort of frantic pleasure, before tilting and turning just oddly enough to break the illusion. One thing was for certain, every ounce of passion he laid upon her skin showed in her shakes and spasms. Even unable to tell him verbally, it was obvious that Nora was getting pent-up and ready for more!
Enjoying her soft, delicate skin, Ethan’s mind wandered to those giggling high-schoolers out there, just trying to find a spare room in this shaking bungalow to fumble against each other anxiously. Ethan faintly remembered his own messy moves when he was Nora’s age, bringing a date back to this room, or just messing around in his junky car, and all the naive mistakes he had made, souring a whole night with a touch too far… or not far enough. With a teasing bite on Nora’s nipple — one she was less surprised by this time — he was happy he had a bit of experience under his belt so Nora wouldn’t get a bad first impression.
Before long, it felt like he had kissed everywhere his neck could reach, and each time Nora let out a different tone or squeal or grunt or gasp, clearly wanting to tell him she was enjoying herself, clearly unable to, but Ethan got the message all the same.
With his hand on her hip, the urge was strong to drift, to run his touch up her thigh gap again, to find her clit and begin her education, to soak his fingers inside her and really show Nora the ins and outs, and it wasn’t just blind lust at this point. He was responsible for her. For all of this. He knew he had to take it slow, warm her up; and since she couldn’t tell him whether she was ready or not for more — ready for him — he knew he would have to check her to make sure.
The thought of checking a girl for how wet she was cause she couldn’t… well, it made his cock stir in a certain way.
Of course, before her last little storm, before her bra came off, Ethan had already touched her there — just a tease, a comfort. He had cupped her vulva and pressed his hand firmly into her mons, just a soft, cradling pressure and a roll of the heel of his palm. Ethan didn’t really know what to expect, but it had elicited a flurry of uncoordinated wildness from her — in a good way, he assumed, hoped. This time, when he went to slide his hand down again, to really warm her up for more, an idea struck him.
“Nora…” he motioned to touch her slit, yet simply traced his finger along her waist line, and the creases of her hips where he saw symmetrical scars that he would have to ask about later. “You haven’t… you know, ever touched yourself here, have you?”
By now, Nora was more naked than when she was usually put to bed. Not only that, the darkened windowpane and the bass still thumping outside this special bubble of theirs reminded her it was definitely past her rigid bedtime, a process that involved one of her parents tying her braced hands out and away so as not to hurt herself. Even if they would’ve behaved for a second of clarity and control in those long, lonely nights, it’s not like Nora had any chance to discover what sensations Ethan had just eked out of her down there. She never had. Admiring Ethan’s proud thing so close to her, yet out of reach, she didn’t know if he could understand that, being a guy who had most likely been sexually active for years, who could jump into bed at 2 AM after a night full of pizza and orange soda and games and just ‘jerk off’. It was all a mystery to her.
‘No,’ she glanced down, brows furrowing a little. With no eyegaze or voice nearby, Nora really wanted to say, ‘I think you know that answer, asshole,’ but just the idea of swearing at him so fluently reminded Nora of what Ethan had done for her already, softening her ire.
He still noticed something wrong, maybe he had said the wrong thing. “Oh no, I wasn’t trying to rub it in… I just wanted to see if… you wanted to try… to rub one out?”
As if on cue, her right arm went wild again, trapped under him, her weak little fist hitting Ethan’s back and bouncing off like he was immune to its frantic efforts. Nora looked at him almost apologetically but also obviously confused. She didn’t really know what was getting at. Even what little she knew, ‘rubbing’ or ‘jerking’, was clear to her only by seeing boys making an obscene stroking gesture to each other in the halls at school. Nora didn’t think girls did that kind of stuff. Plus, as always, how?!
“Uuuughaaah,” she worried in his arms, unsure.
“Oh, I meant I could guide your hand down if you want to feel yourself,” Ethan explained again.
Nora wanted to tell him she couldn’t, that it was impossible… but seeing his gentle smile and feeling his warmth there inspired her to suspend disbelief, for just a moment. She knew he didn’t really know her abilities, he didn’t know what kind of silly idea this was, but for once Nora was down for a silly idea!
And when she failed, he would just take care of it anyways, wouldn’t he?
He nodded as if hearing her internal debate, and then broke a grin out when Nora consciously tried to pull her left hand off her naked boob. Its idle, repetitive motions had been getting her a bit raw, anyways, but pulling one lever — wanting to do just one thing — was like messing up the whole balance. Her right hit his back hard enough to garner a wince, her head arched back, thrusting her chest up toward him, and her thighs tensed together weakly. But finally, finally, her left arm extended, half bent and waving unsteadily in the air, before her fist crashed into the mattress, pounding away.
Ethan was in awe, seeing how this simple gesture took all of her concentration and still had so many contorting side-effects. While Nora grunted under the effort, wondering if this thrusting chest motion was going to be her body’s new favorite move — making her almost miss the shoulder bars for her own dignity — he grabbed at her usually-docile hand and firmly gripped it, guiding and tugging it down to her most private place, private even from herself.
“Here,” he said in a low tone, hushed and helping, “keep it extended out, and I’ll put it right where it needs to go.”
Sure enough, Nora was stuck looking at the headboard when her writhing little fist kissed her ‘woman parts’ for the first time, a crooked knuckle tickling… something down there, slipping not inside but along a surprising amount of wetness, slick and so so sensitive! At first she worried that she had peed herself, and there was a familiar tenseness down there like she had to go, but no. As if playing along with her curiosity, Nora’s wrist bent tightly and twisted, touching her in a really nice way, and she closed her eyes, gasping slightly, sighing deeply…
Some of her surprise — and relief? — must have slipped out onto her face, for when Nora finally opened her eyes again, Ethan was admiring her with a certain smug satisfaction.
“It’s pretty good, right?” he chuckled.
“UUgghh-AA!!!” Nora looked up as resoundingly as she could, and in her efforts her extended arm shook tensely. Of course, Ethan’s careful grip kept her from hurting herself in such a sensitive place, softening the clumsy jerking into… how to put this… an aggressive nudging on something really firm and sensitive in the front part, something she had never noticed before… something that felt… incredible! Blushing hard, breathing hard, her clenched fists were like iron as she pawed at herself in her signature non-rhythm, gladly accepting any help Ethan could give. Still, her fumblings were just that, but fumblings alone were revolutionary, and Nora grunted and sighed with each graze or stroke of her own hand along herself.
This place! This feeling! This had been here, the whole time!
Finally the sensations grew too great and Nora lost her sliver of focus. Ethan’s grip had been firm but her left arm was always more steady and resolute, and once it decided to ‘go home’, he couldn’t keep it from curling up to her chest again. Quitting while they were ahead, he simply let go and kissed her deeply on the lips, just for a moment, knowing his hands wouldn’t be clean enough to cradle her cheek and close her jaw again after what he had in store for her novice little pussy.
Nora felt that tight warmth in her hips, which had been building and building with every nudge, now kept alight by his lips, as she was held securely and perfectly in every way that counted.
Letting his hand slip downward, Ethan kept nuzzling her nose-to-nose, even as her mouth opened again and she stared agape into the deep hazelly pools of his attentions, feeling his touch cascade from her collarbone to tease a nipple and elicit a yelp, before it trailed farther south, circumnavigating her pump, down until his fingers reached the V of her hips, and suddenly they were not so delicate or skimming, but caressing and pressing along her slit, in motions far steadier than hers. Every so often he would really grip her, pressing and rolling his palm, before dialing back to his delicate stimulating touches.
His eyes would close every so often as he focused, but when they were open they existed like a challenge for her to stare into and stay still, even as her own hand kneaded her breast and her body twisted. Nora noticed he seemed to be overcome every so often with an impulse to kiss her, as their cheeks blushed and their breaths hastened, and like before he would have to settle for her cheek or neck — which she accepted gladly.
He eventually had enough of thumbing the folds down there, and with two slippery fingers began to softly oscillate in an impossibly-steady rhythm around that firm and sensitive something, sending the most incredible jolts of pleasure through her, each one encouraging a whimper or a wail as it built up that warm tenseness inside. Like everything else, she wasn’t sure who was talking here, her or her body, but Ethan seemed to smile or grin at each one and hold her just a bit tighter, letting her know that was nothing unexpected — normal? — so she only held back when it was growing too loud.
Honestly, with the way he was touching her, it was hard to hold back.
Nora suddenly worried that she was succumbing to all this too fast as the effects of each stroke or encircling motion started to last longer, and each blooming wave lasted a bit longer, and they all bounced off of each other, interfering and compounding, until finally the waves all rushed over the brim of her tiny, twisted body, and with nowhere to put all this feeling, she cried out his name, “EEEEEyaaaa!!!” with her eyes upward, saying ‘Oh! I’m okay! I’m good! I’m really good!’ as her body began to buck and twist, unable to handle all that incredible new goodness running through her.
Ethan cradled her head into his bare chest as both of them held on for dear life, the spastic girl in his arms climaxing for the first time, her arms and legs tightening and twisting in ways he should have been ready for, but wasn’t. In a way, he was like her wheelchair at that moment, holding her in every which way, keeping her safe and letting her ride out that storm-of-sorts without concern.
He held on until Nora became more relaxed and still than he had ever seen her. No shaking or idle twists; just calm, deep breaths — breathing him in.
He seemed to have answered his own question, in a way. Her body would stop, and they had just figured out how…
Chapter 12
It was a while before she came to, a couple minutes at least, during which she wasn’t unconscious but somewhere similar, deep and calm and happy. Just feeling… and not feeling.
Muscles down there she didn’t even know existed were pulsing just out of sync with her rushing heartbeat, accompanied by a subtle… emptiness? It was intense for a moment but gently faded to a comfortable, fuzzy peace. Nora dared not move, the quiet stillness as Ethan held her tight was just too powerful to waste.
Eventually Nora had to come back to reality, and just as the subtlest of athetosis returned, sure enough a subtle anxiety came with it.
That wasn’t what she thought sex was supposed to be! Or at least the schoolboys’ lewd gestures implied something else, something inside? And yet… it had felt incredible, so good she couldn’t imagine anything being better! Was it wrong for her to feel that good while Ethan was the one holding her flailing body and giving her that special massage with his fingers? — those fingers! That handsy asshole knew what he was doing!
But Nora really didn’t. Was she supposed to hold on for longer? Had that been the whole sex part? Did they take turns now? How would she — in her condition — give him what he had just given her? Nora almost didn’t want to open her eyes, but once she did, she could immediately tell by his gentle admiration that she had done nothing wrong.
“Are you feeling alright?” the boy uttered, hushed, still gently cupping her below, his touch as comforting as his seeming awareness of how sensitive she was.
“Aaaah-haaaah,” Nora replied, glancing up and blinking slowly, in the most relaxed ‘yes’ she had ever uttered. Her body was beginning to stir from the unexpected respite, but what little peace he had given her was cherished. Dearly.
“Good. That looked intense. Can I… get up for a moment?” He nuzzled her head like it might spring a leak and let her inner-self pour out as easily as it did for normal people. “I want to hear your thoughts…”
She begrudgingly allowed him only after saying ‘no’ and cuddling closer like five times. Once he slipped away it was odd to be in the empty bed again, as Nora realized just how comfortable she had been with her spastic body cradled in his; how much she required him to support her in this unadapted space.
The afterglow softened that feeling though, as she watched him wipe his hands on a discarded shirt — of his, thankfully — and reach over to adjust her tablet, before figuring it was too far away. She was no help as he fiddled with the joystick behind her wheelchair’s headrest, shakily getting the whole apparatus closer, and finally tilting the screen to cantilever over Nora in bed — using the subtle flicks of her eyes to get it in position.
Nora found his naked, semi-hard penis dangling as he maneuvered her chair and tablet so hilariously absurd, but she dared not laugh aloud for his sake and hers — it would just set her body off again. That said, she was impressed with his intuition getting the tablet in place, telling him as much with her first words, “You made that look so easy.”
Slipping back into bed, warming her up again in all the right places, Ethan quipped, “I don’t think I was the easy one, Nora.” A delicate brush of her sensitive bits down there triggered a high moan, another betrayal, and Nora and Ethan laughed closely.
“You are such an asshole. I meant the eyegaze.” she blushed.
“And I meant you cumming so fast.” Ethan grinned, pleased with himself, before sobering a bit. “Hmm, I missed hearing you. I mean I heard you— and your real voice is so much more… I don’t know— but then, you know…”
Nora typed while he stuttered away, finally interrupting with, “Thank you. No one has ever said that.” Luckily she could look at him closely as those heavy words recited above his head, simply, plainly, imparting all the missing emotion with her eyes.
Ethan had no words, he simply held her tighter.
A moment passed. Comfortable. Quiet. Permeated as always by the thumping bass and screams of teenagers who’d had one too many. Ethan saw her eyes flicking past his shoulder and then back at him with a more playful stare. “Okay. This is nice but I want more please.”
“Oh sick, me too!” Ethan let burst, before cocking a half smile. “Do you want to really do it? No pressure, totally up to you…”
Nora shook a bit, typing. “Yes! I knew that must not be everything!”
“Oh yeah,” Ethan couldn’t stifle a smile at her eager naiveté, “that was probably a lot further than some of your classmates have gotten, but there’s always more.”
A glance upward and a beaming smile made it clear to Ethan what Nora wanted, even if she didn’t seem to know the specifics.
He looked distracted for a second. “You know, those two at the door got me thinking… I don’t know if you know, but its almost a stereotype how bad high school sex can be, especially your first time — I mean your real first time, that was just third base. You ever seen Superbad, Booksmart? I don’t know if Ferris Bueller counts. I guess I’m really asking: do you know about the birds and the bees?”
Ethan only got that confused side-to-side look from Nora, before she typed, “Are the birds and the bees like the Byrds and the Beatles?”
“No… I mean… you know those movies I mentioned?”
“No. I am sorry. I feel like Mom only puts Disney or Pixar on the television. I watch the news with Dad but that is boring. They never talk about the sex.”
“No… they wouldn’t…” Frustrated, Ethan had to check himself and remember this was the girl he had just freed from a child lock — at eighteen years old! He scoffed at how sheltered they kept her. “Well, whatever movies your parents do or don’t let you see, I’ll take you, or we can have another night in. I’ll be your bad influence.”
Nora simply swooned and squealed, chest thrusting up in a way that made both of them blush, eliciting a grin from Ethan.
“See, you’re easy! Sounds like a date.”
Nora couldn’t look up more confidently. She wanted more of this boy, now! If she could have more later, too, there was no hesitancy or doubt there.
“Anyways, my point was: the actors in teen movies always kind of just spread some legs and rub themselves together. Very PG, if you know what I mean. And it always goes kind of wrong… with able bodies too.”
Nora wondered why he was talking about this, her brow quivering in confusion.
“What I mean to say is… I… don’t know what you’re expecting, but I don’t think you would enjoy us following some stereotypical whatever, my weight pressing on your hips like that. Not after you were in such pain earlier, just laying wrong.”
Nora didn’t want to say outright to Ethan that she didn’t really know what to expect, but she had to admit he was right, looking down. ‘No. So that means we won’t be—’
“So that means we have to find another way…”
Ethan explained to her what he had in mind, making sure she understood why and what to expect, but before long the party seemed to be quieting outside and it came time to take action — now or never — and after another bout of cuddles and kisses, Ethan got to work.
Taking the tether, all three or four feet of it, Ethan attached one end to Nora’s wild wrist and tied it like a belt around her slim waist, making a knot, before terminating the velcro cuff loop on her other wrist. Now, arms tied down and anchored to herself even as they tried to recoil, extend, escape; Ethan didn’t have to worry about her swinging fist or the one that was trying to dig a hole in her chest. Speaking of which, he could see now where such simple motions — repeated hundreds of times, incessantly — lost their playful passion. Her left breast looked a little red, and she shook a little when he touched her there.
As an apology for missing this, Ethan paid special attention, not with his hands but his mouth, the gentle sucking encouraged by another new addition: Nora’s voice.
“Yes. Good. More.” The words came out dispassionate but urgent, like an intercom above them that was spouting commands. Nora had turned off pre-compose and opened a basic sheet of words, just enough to glance up at, hold her stare for the required second or so, and then speak out loud. Similar to how she first started speaking at fourteen or fifteen-years-old, simply triggering buttons like this sacrificed eloquence for immediacy, but with the way Ethan made her feel, Nora knew she could save the sonnets for another time.
Still, the basic sheet only got her so far — “Wow. No. Adjust please. Yes. Good. Thank you! Yes. Yes. Yes.” — but Nora didn’t know how she would’ve explained to her Mom or her speech therapist a custom sheet, way in the back of her menus, filled with swear words and “Suck,” “Touch,” and “Harder!”
That wouldn’t go very well. This would do fine for now.
When they had been talking, Nora had told Ethan she was down for his plan, but this time she wanted to touch him more; to hold him, if possible. It was indescribably frustrating not being able to reach out and embrace the boy so passionately making love to her, even for a girl who couldn’t reach out to touch anything, ever. They had tried to think up ideas, with Ethan conspiring a way to tie her wrists together around his back so her spasms would hug him tight, but that only worked if they were having sex missionary-style — which after a few more attempts to stretch her hips, Nora knew she couldn’t.
It was then Nora had reiterated she wanted to “hold ‘him’”, which caught Ethan off-guard. A bit apprehensive, Ethan knew if she trusted him to touch her in her most private places, it was only right to trust her with the same.
After enough foreplay to get them both breathing heavily again and Ethan’s girth stabbing open air like a threat, Ethan left Nora on her back with her knees up, canted together like a teepee, and straddled her; with him on all fours, her laying below him like his prey. Ethan watched hungrily as she squirmed, admiring the gentle curve of her spine, seeing her head worrying side-to-side on his pillow with those sharp eyes watching him back, waiting to see what he’d do to her next, those arms twisting and shoulders shrugging enough to give him a show. She was moving so much, but she wasn’t going anywhere.
“You know, hands tied like that, you’re squeezing your tits with your arms.” he breathed. His cock was hanging just inches from the two clubbed fists in her lap, growing harder and longer as if it could bridge the gap.
Nora hadn’t noticed her breasts pressed together between her arms. She was too focused trying to move her awkward hands to touch the tip of him, to nudge him as she had nudged herself. It made her body do plenty of other things and never what she wanted, but giving her a bit more cleavage — like her Mom had, or even Vicky — wasn’t a bad side-effect.
“Good.” she typed, adding a moan that sounded to Ethan like the tail end of a question? Question or not, Ethan really loved hearing both of her voices working in tandem, even if half of it was disembodied. It was the only way he got the whole picture.
He smirked and wiped the drool from her chin as she continued her show, before lowering his hips so the two fists could clumsily rub at his hard-on. He gasped at the first contact — he was nervous. “Yes, it’s damn good, Nora.”
At first it was just a novelty, him entertaining her, but slowly Ethan grew more turned on than ever, the strokes of her weak knuckles against his shaft so ineffectual yet so… good. It made no sense, they were merely grazing him, but the incredible effort it took her just to do this made each nudge so significant. Most spasms and shakes were mitigated by the cuffs holding her wrists tight to her waist like she was his prisoner, but a few times her body shook so violently from all the pent-up tension and focus, Ethan just barely escaped from the two fists banging together roughly.
“Sorry,” she would say each time, with her eyes and the tablet, only for Ethan to soothe her worries.
“No, don’t apologize. You’re doing so good, don’t worry.”
“Thank you. I like.” Nora rolled her eyes at the broken phrasing, refocusing on her troublesome hands and the boy’s hard-on, just within reach…
Eventually he could take no more, and with bated breath he pried open the tiny fingers of her left hand and slipped himself into her spastic grip, which was… perfect. When Nora had suggested it, when she said she wanted to “hold him,” Ethan had thought she would grip his dick to death, but no! To both their surprise, it fit just right. Ethan’s eyes closed, gasping at just how good her grip felt on his manhood, useless until now. Yes it tensed and tightened every so often, but it was nice, the steady clench pulsing with her grunts and spasms, and the struggles of her unruly arms against their bindings lent an unsteady stroking to her touch.
Nora had to change her sheet to find the right words. “Wow. Warm. Smooth. Soft. Hard. Weird.”
He laughed and so did she, both in their own ways, as Ethan leant down on his elbows and cradled her head to kiss deeper than they had before. This time Nora’s lips decided to play along, and she felt every ounce of his passion pour into her, creating a cyclical loop as her shakes inspired him to grunt and moan deeply — almost sounding like he was doing an impression of her — and his kisses prompted new waves of activity through her body, conducting down to her hands. Warm chests touching, the two were connected in a way that reminded Nora of him fingering her, and inspired Ethan to keep moving toward something deeper.
He pulled away just a hair’s breadth, “I can’t believe you are so good at this. I have to stop or I’ll cum.”
Nora’s brows arched as his warm cock slipped out of her hand, which went back to gripping on nothing, banging against its sister, with no way to reach and bring her toy back. She frantically eyed the “Why?” button, and then “Not that one.” hoping he would understand.
“Why not? Because guys can’t cum more than once, we have to wait a long time to do this all over again. You have it lucky.” he said, reaching over to his nightstand drawer to grab a condom, tearing the wrapper open.
“AAaaaahk-guuuh?” she moaned, eyes gesturing down at her writhing body, naked and helpless on his bed. ‘Do I really?’
Ethan thought it best not to defend his poor phrasing and instead demonstrated how to roll a rubber on. With that covered, the two made out in a far more twisting, animalesque way than the careful cradling of before. His hands explored her in ways they could only now that he understood what could bend where. Making love to Nora — fucking her, honestly — was the most unique experience of his life, and Ethan wanted nothing more in that moment than to become a damn expert at making her strange body sing.
Seeing her struggling arms stuck in their cuffs, imagining them reaching for his cock again, overcome by desire that loosened his tongue, Ethan whispered in her ear, “You know, I think I like tying you up.”
“I like. Yes. Comfy. Safe. You and me.” she replied, wishing she could whisper in his ear too and not just shake and drool on his pillow. That said, with the feeling of his hands tickling her special something again, Nora wasn’t confident she could’ve managed full sentences in that moment. Those disjointed words weren’t far off from her thoughts.
Ethan wasn’t ready to explain soft-core bondage to this angel, not now, but suffice to say; the fact she thought being tied up on the daily was even close to ‘comfy’ and ‘safe’ and normal made his cock throb, and feeling Nora’s pussy so slick — Ethan knew this was their moment.
With a nod from him and a glance upward from her, the two were ready.
Turning Nora onto her side facing away from him, Ethan spooned her from behind, reaching down to guide his cock up her thigh gap to her slit — uncharted territories. Nora felt his warm hardness graze her down there, finding its proper place, before the pressure grew from below. He was thrusting, pushing slowly but unrelentingly, invading her, breaking her open, before a painful pinch and an incredible spreading feeling forced her to cry out loud. Ethan held on from behind as Nora stared at the far wall, drooling into his pillow, unable to look back at him or her tablet, left with only the broken voice she was born with to whimper in this strange mix of pleasure and pain.
Even as his hips met her ass, bottoming out, Ethan craned his neck and with a free hand gripped her chin so Nora could look over her shoulder at him, realize he was here, close — and more importantly so he could see her eyes, those windows to the girl inside.
“Are you alright?” he gasped.
Nora moaned, her arms writhing, back arching into him. She looked like she was twisting in agony, but her eyes undoubtedly looked up.
Ethan kissed her on the naked shoulder, gripping it in one hand and her ass in the other so he could keep her steady, his hips doing enough work for both of them.
Nora was so tense at first, but after just a few more strokes the pain started to lessen, Ethan taking it slow, ramping up slowly. Gradually she relaxed, and with that came a looser hold on her voice. A mixture of grunts gave way to moans, and then a consistent “Aaaaaaaaah,” punctuated by the impact of Ethan’s thrusts into her. The confusion and newness gave way to clarity as they found a rhythm. It felt… satisfying, but Nora had to admit to herself: this didn’t feel as good as before when he had used his fingers.
Unable to tell him this, Nora enjoyed it a bit — his hand on her ass imbuing the same urgency she felt in each thrust. Ethan seemed to be really enjoying himself, and he had made her cum after all. It was his turn… right?
For Ethan, it was incredible. With every rebellion of her body, the muscles down there clenched, a subtle pressure as his cock slipped in and out, eliciting more impassioned yelps and moans from the sweet little woman in his arms.
That was when his hand abandoned her ass and slipped around front, fingertips wetting themselves and paying her special something the same attention as before. Simulated from both front and behind, Nora… well, he seemed to have read her mind and she couldn’t hold back! Her moans raised an octave and her body was almost writhing out of his grip!
Nora wanted to bite her own tongue, half-worried people outside would hear, but truthfully, she was already holding onto so much more raving noise that she could’ve been screaming right then. At her core, she had always worried about Ethan. He had been so good, so amazing, so accepting, but Nora didn’t want to make the wrong sound. She didn’t want him to look at her like those classmates partying outside looked at her, unable to distinguish her mostly-intentional vocalizations from the infantile unaware sounds of the other kids in Special Ed. Nora had wanted him so badly, all night, even if she didn’t really know what she wanted, but she had held back.
Now… now she had him inside her, rubbing her, kissing her neck, showing Nora aspects of her own body she never knew, showing her that even a malformed body and mind could feel good, could cum so hard. Now… now… only now did she let herself go, her full voice, totally formless and emotive, competing with the thumping bass he was fucking her in metronomic time with.
Ethan had been getting somewhat close, but with the confirmation her howls lent him, he didn’t have to twist her neck again and look into her eyes: he knew for certain this was the key. He did his best to keep those fingers rolling around her clit as steady as his rhythm ramming her from behind. He knew Nora couldn’t say it out loud, but she obviously needed that extra touch to get over the edge — and if he could guess, she was getting there fast! The clenching around him, stimulating the head as he thrust; she was getting to be so tight, Ethan couldn’t hold on much longer!
Nora wanted to yell at him and beg him and thank him and pull his stroking cock deeper inside, but she could only lay there and squirm under his luxurious affection, moan and whine, feel his touch inside and out, and hope he liked what he saw, what he felt, as her body took over again and tensed everything. As if in perfect sync or perfect spite, the waves emanating from Nora’s hips were overflowing again just as she found herself locked, twisted, arched, staring up at the headboard, a long, low rumble in her throat bringing her closer to sounding like those truly handicapped students she had graduated from and left behind.
Nora was there; awake, clear, trapped on the edge of her own climax, and she felt it all….
She felt as Ethan grunted along with her body’s spasms, finally cumming himself with a slight hitch in his stride, but not stopping until she finally released from that tiny storm and all that feeling washed through her, that glowing wave expanding from her cunt to her tummy and out to her twisted feet and clenched fists.
The two came together, and when Ethan finally slowed, they collapsed into the bed as much as two people already laying down could collapse. He held her tightly from behind, still inside, and gently kissed her cheek as they both tried to catch up on air.
“That was…”
“Unnnggggg…” she groaned. ‘yeah…’
Chapter 13
The knock on the door broke the calm much too soon, jolting Ethan and making Nora stir from the dense calm he had just pounded into her. She moaned, not ready for reality yet.
“Hey N—,” the doorknob rattled with Vicky on the other side. “What the hell, Ethan? Let me in!”
Unknown to Vicky, at that moment her older brother was lying in bed, bare ass naked with his cock still inside a girl — this girl — and all the complications that came along with being inside her at this very moment. He had no intention of letting Vicky in, or any other prying eyes, but what could he say? He stammered a bit but nothing of substance came out.
“I swear, Eth, I know where Mom keeps the key!” she jimmied the doorknob again.
Nora was the one with words for once, craning her neck to look up at the tablet overhead, enough for him to notice and hold her head steady. “I do not want to see you. Vicky. Go away.” The words were cold and resolute.
“Ugh!” The door barely held the indignance. “After all I did for you, seriously? I wiped your drool for three semesters, you can’t talk to me like that in my own house!”
“Ease up, Victoria,” Ethan finally found his words. “It’s my house, too, and you’re being a shitty host. Nora doesn’t want to see you.”
There was a petulant stamping outside his door, before a burst. “Fuck, whatever! School’s out, so I don’t have to take care of you anymore, Nora! Your mom is on her way. Maybe respond to her texts so I don’t have to?”
The unsteady, clicking heels trailed away and the couple looked at each other, a million questions buzzing in their heads, but there just wasn’t time: They’d run out their little sliver of paradise.
Ethan had to take a second though, to wipe a tear from Nora’s cheek, like a concentrated little droplet of residue; all the emotion the artificial voice left behind when she finally stood up to her “carer.”
‘Bitch,’ Nora grunted, squeezing her eyes shut, Ethan thinking something along the same lines. His sister had been difficult for a while, but this was beyond high school drama, this was low. She obviously didn’t value Nora in any way that wasn’t self-serving, and every protective instinct he had was rallying around the twisting, shaking girl with her arms tied up and her legs bent oddly, held in his embrace.
“I’m sorry, you don’t deserve this.”
“AGH!” Nora let out in another short burst, frustrated. No, she didn’t, but if she had the time to spell it all out, she would’ve told Ethan that seeing Vicky’s true colors was better than going on for the summer, chasing a false friend and being disappointed, as she had done last summer, and the one before that. It was better to know.
It still stung, regardless. Less with the friend she had found tonight, but it still stung.
With nothing more to say, Ethan ran his hand over Nora’s hip, angular but warm, touching her somewhere that would soon be off-limits again. “I guess we better get you dressed.” he whispered, and slipped himself out of her, eliciting a moan and the most hurt expression he had seen from her yet as the sudden sensation rolled another lock-up through her body. It rattled her for half a minute, but the first thing she typed after her eyes were free was, “Get back here.”
Ethan was holding her again in moments, stuttering a “yes, ma’am” that was far less light-hearted than he had intended. “But don’t we need to get you ready?”
“Yes. But.” She typed on, “My mom can wait. She caused this whole mess.”
Ethan nodded. “I mean… I wouldn’t call it all a complete disaster.” He ran his hands over her naked body again, spooning her tightly as she writhed and practically purred, eyes half-closed before begrudgingly flicking her eyes down, then up at the screen. ‘No,’ she had to admit… “But I am still in piss.” Nora let speak with a wince.
Her tablet’s auto-grammar didn’t know what to do with these new, salacious words he had given her, and Ethan barely held in a chuckle, earning him a ‘you know what I mean’ look from Nora, but he had no intention of making fun. Or criticizing her mom.
Honestly, Ethan had said all he could about his sister, but Nora’s mom was obviously a whole other story; one he kept his mouth shut about. The whole lie had been wrong… but with good intentions? A girl as shallow as his sister would have never invited Nora, and then what? No party? No this? Besides, whatever he could’ve said, it wasn’t his place.
He sighed and let his head sink into the pillow aside Nora, her eyes flitting all around the screen he had set up above them, and he watched her, mesmerized again, as she sifted through folders and menus, perusing notifications for any word from her mom, any missed texts.
“Here, let me help.” Ethan sat up on the edge of the bed, surveying the debris around the once-tidy room.
Among the pile of discarded wheelchair parts and clothes, Ethan found her phone in the leggings he had ripped off so hastily, the chunky old cell phone no worse for wear after the toss it took. Cuddling up to Nora, her body restless but warm, he typed in 1·2·3·4 and sure enough, there were a handful of increasingly-nervous texts which Nora asked him to read out loud while she flicked through her Connect settings to see why the alerts hadn’t come through.
| 7:13pm | “I’m just down the street at Formaggio’s if you need anything! 😋” |
| 7:45pm | “Are you having a good time, sweets? 🤡” |
| 7:46pm | “Make sure to ask for a beer! 🍻” |
| 7:46pm | “Just one!!! Split a cup with Vicky!” |
| 8:52pm | “I’m stopping by home. You have fun, party girl! 🥳 When do you need a ride?” |
| 9:02pm | “Soon maybe? 🌝” |
| 9:25pm | “Well? Just cause Greta isn’t here to keep you on the program doesn’t mean I want to stay up all hours. Love you! 😙” |
| 9:42pm | “You alive in there? 🤨 You didn’t leave your chair, did you?” |
| 9:51pm | “If you don’t get back to me, I’m going to worry your dynavox is broken. 🤯” |
| 10:01pm | “Eleanor. Answer immediately.” |
Nora rolled her eyes dramatically-enough for him to get the gist, ‘See what I have to deal with?’ before adding from her screen, “You should see when I go to summer camp.”
“Damn, well that escalated quickly, Eleanor.” Ethan poked her. “Hmm, maybe I should call you that from now on.”
“NNNNNNggggg!” Nora’s spasming arms suddenly looked like they were ready to fight, elbows out, tight fists trying to escape the DIY belt. “Don’t you dare.” her tablet recited as she squealed.
“But it just rolls off the tongue, Eleanor!”
Typing in between piercing glances, Nora looked like she was going to burst with all the words that were backed up in her throat. “Say it again. I dare. You. Next time you put penis between my hands. Maybe I am not being careful. Fuck-ing guy.”
Ethan just admired the naked girl drooling on his pillow, twitching, threatening him with a good time.
“Oh, so you’re down for a ‘next time’?” He leaned over and kissed her cheek as she gasped, her mock anger turning into a broken giggle as his strong hand cupped her boob, not letting either of them be coy about it. They had been there, done that.
She admired him carefully, eyes locked on his while her head wandered side to side, chest happening to arch right up into his touch, happy her body was on the same page for once.
She glanced upward, just to make sure he heard her loud and clear. ‘Fuck yes.’
Holding her tight, Ethan was more confident than ever before that he did not want this to be a one-night stand. “Good. I did say I’d take you to the movies, didn’t I?”
“AAAhhhh-ggaa,” Nora flicked her eyes up again. ‘Yes, you did.’
A smile pulled on Nora’s open mouth as she pictured just the two of them in a dark theater, and where Ethan’s hands could go.
Coincidentally he was thinking the same— The phone vibrated again in his hand, breaking the pair apart.
“Oh shit,” he said while reading. “She’s heading here now. Time to go.”
“Damn.” Nora typed as her host scrambled. “And I never tasted the bribery beer.”
“Next time,” he assured her with an affectionate grasp on her little fist. “It tastes better without all the betrayal and such.
“Uuuuh-huh,” Nora had to take his word for it.
The two rushed as best they could — which is to say Ethan was rushing as Nora lay on the bed, passive participant of each step, chatting about what he needed to do next and speculating if a party invitation for ‘robot girl’ was worth one or two kegs. Ethan wanted to say she was worth more than that but wasn’t sure if that would be a compliment, so kept hush as the girl twisted and deliberated.
He had sent a message for Nora telling her “Mommy” that the tablet got disconnected, and they would be a bit, and got a prompt reply, “Thanks Vicky. I appreciate all you do.”
He bit his tongue about that.
Where Ethan didn’t rush was cleaning Nora up. He took a pack of wipes from the well-stocked bag behind her chair and ran them between her legs, front to back. Even though he had been wearing a condom, there was more to clean up than he would have expected, seeing as his past partners all usually slipped out of sight to the bathroom. Not this time. Here he was part of everything, and he got a taste of the caretaker life looking down at Nora’s detached gaze. He dared not tease or taunt, or stroke too leadingly as he wiped her up. Other than the unique contents of the mess, he assumed this was just another day for her.
But it wasn’t another day to her, not really, this was the day she had sex. This was the day a boy she happened to really like was taking the responsibility to care for her, all the way — soda, meds, and bodily fluids; the trifecta — yet still made her feel wanted and desired, something she had worried might be a fantasy. Sure, Nora let her attention drift — out of habit, mostly — but her heart wanted him to tease, to keep this warm. But what was ‘this’? Wiping her privates? What was the line between caretaker and lover for a girl as disabled as her? What was realistic? Another question she had no one to ask, and no time to suss out. She let him work, busying herself with collecting all the words for what to do next.
He unwrapped a new diaper and put the plastic in the bin under his desk, over top of the old diaper and the used condom. That combo was going to get him some questions if he didn’t throw it out discreetly, but that was an issue for another time.
Though she was never as quiet as when he made sure her special underwear was sealed right, Nora did grow less and less talkative as Ethan pulled on her leggings, making sure to tuck in the pink diaper, then rolled up the ends to secure her ankle braces before covering those with her socks. He snapped her bra on just before taking a moment to slip back into his jeans — hiding away the tool she had been sneaking glances at — and finally moved to unfasten the ad-hoc tether/belt her wrists were tied up in.
All this time her arms had been trying to get free, body twisting and arching ever since Vicky had interrupted her post-coital haze, but somehow Ethan’s idea had held firm, and Nora had to admire his ingenuity. Her body was random and persistent, and she knew it would be safer for everyone once she was back in the chair with them tied down. More practical. But they had to get her shirt back on first, and her nervous apprehension did nothing to help ease things as Ethan wrestled first her tense arm and then the wild one into her sleeves, Nora watching helplessly as her body fought him at every step to get the green shirt back on, moaning indistinct apologies.
“I am sorry.” She typed as soon as he had lifted her back into the chair and fastened the majority of her bars and pads back in place, her body once more in the safe, soft, molded seat made to keep her from bending any more out of shape than she already was… each brace and bracket another reminder of what she needed to get by. What confidence she had worn while naked in his arms was falling away, revealing hints of the same-old Nora in her little rolling prison.
“Hey,” he interrupted her spiral of worry while wrapping her angry fist in a brace and strapping it down to her tray top. “I had a good time, and you didn’t hurt me at all. No need for sorries. Besides,” he added, prying her fingers open to grip the padded braces, strapping that one down too, “You put up a good fight, I needed the workout.”
Her head shook side-to-side in the rest, doubtful. She tried to capture a mental picture of the lanky boy, shirtless as he stepped away to survey the room for the rest of his own clothes and anything of hers he had forgotten. Once again locked into her chair, she tried to capture something to remember tonight by.
To Nora, it felt like a mile between them all of a sudden, like everything the two of them had done was suddenly history. She had to let him know, to ask, to make sure…
“EEEEyyyyaaaahhh…” she called to him, and sure enough he was there in a heartbeat, kneeling by her side, yet still separated by the chair’s framework of metal and plastic.
Nora began on-screen, “Ethan. I do not want to be alone. You have shown me something that I cannot ignore now. Please… ” she paused, mid-sentence. A drop of drool fell from her open mouth to her chin to her chest, her tongue twisting, but Ethan wiped it up before it could run down her cleavage. He brushed her hair out of her eyes and set her glasses on the bridge of her nose. And smiled. Like it wasn’t a big deal.
“What is it?” he asked, setting a cloth on her breasts like a bib, just how he had found her.
Nora erased her whole pre-composed text box and instead wrote, “How do I know you are not just being polite about movies and design and next time. I know tonight was not planned. Do not be polite. Ethan.”
Taken aback by the sudden bout of insecurity which had been growing in plain sight, the boy kneeling before her glanced quickly at Nora’s mouth, then — with two strong hands and no hesitation — closed it for her and met her on the lips, kissing deeply. It was his only way of stopping this regression, reminding her what they had just done together; how they had stripped bare, and how just wrapping themselves back up — in either t-shirt and jeans or full orthopedic bracing — couldn’t erase that.
Caught off-guard by the honesty, it worked. Nora’s spastic body shook in its many tethers and braces and bonds, the memory of him cradling her still alive on her skin, underneath it all. Her hips ground into the seat, an ache inside firing up again, as Ethan held the last part of her that wasn’t tied down. Now that was something to remember tonight by, she thought.
Ethan felt her body shake, of course, but focused instead on what he could feel of her, before parting and opening his eyes. “Is that… explicit enough?” he hushed, suddenly realizing he had never made a promise like this. Unspoken but true.
Ethan couldn’t say what the summer would bring. He didn’t even know where she had been accepted for college, or how long he would stay in Rainier. But he was honest that there would be a next time. “Still worried?”
Nora hummed between his hands, and flicked her eyes downward. ‘Not anymore.’
Ethan nodded and fetched her phone from his pocket, glancing at the time. Together they had gotten her wrapped and ready in 20 minutes; he would have to ask later how he stacked up compared to the pros. He made sure to put himself in her contacts before sending a follow-up to her mom and tucking her phone in her leggings.
While the doorway was tighter than Ethan realized, Nora driving out without banging up the walls wasn’t what he was worried about, it was the vultures outside.
Getting to the living room, the party had thinned out. What few were left were passing a particularly pungent joint around their family’s scrappy little firepit on the back patio. Vicky and Suzy on the other hand looked absolutely miserable, half-drunk and gossiping on the couch. Suzy saw them first and actually smiled, before it turned too sappy to be sincere.
“I hope you had a good first party Nora! Too bad Ethan’s night got ruined taking—”
“GO FUCK YOURSELF.” The electronic words rang out full volume, stoic, resolute.
The girls looked aghast at the confidently-drooling Nora, then at Ethan standing behind her handlebars like he was somehow responsible for this, but he just sported a wicked grin while his sister lost it!
“You can’t say that to—”
“GO FUCK YOURSELF.”
The three simple words repeated, cutting Vicky off, and Ethan noticed some heads had poked in from the backyard, snickering at his sister as she stood there, speechless.
Ethan just admired Nora rising above it all; only to see her eyes — dry and fearless — weren’t even on her shocked classmates, but instead the closed front door. Apparently she wanted to go out with a bang, but dramatic exits were tough to come by when you had no free hands and wanted to prioritize your comedic timing. Ethan slipped around her and opened it up for her to roll through to the cool night air, while he just gave his best “you deserved worse” look to the girls and closed up behind him.
Shocked by Robot Girl’s sudden bout of confidence, they didn’t follow.
Once out front he burst out laughing, and Nora gasped out her own broken laugh while she typed, “That felt good.”
“I can’t imagine, I mean I could feel it! Honestly! Hey, you should keep that sailor’s mouth on the down-low, though. Your mom might disable it again.”
Sure enough, he saw the van pull up in front, as if he timed it that way.
“Let her.” Nora typed. “She cannot take what happened tonight.”
Ethan took a deep breath of the air full of wet pine and promise, and bent over to kiss her on the cheek, before whispering, “You’re right about that.”
Nora’s mom got out of the van with a, “Hey sweetie!” and came around to open the back and pull down the ramp, while Nora drove herself down the narrow path and Ethan followed, trying to stand a bit straighter. “Did you have a good time? Who is this?”
“Eyyyyyaaaaah,” she moaned, rattling her braces on the tray top, and he couldn’t help but smile, before realizing that was his cue.
“H-Hello Mrs. Wilkins, my name is Ethan. Vicky’s brother.” he said, shaking her hand. “Can I help you with the ramp at all?”
The older woman sized him up for a second, with a hint of a smirk and a flickering light in the eyes, and Ethan wondered if kissing her daughter on the front step had been his best decision, but she didn’t mention it. “Oh… sure, that would be nice. Let me show you how.”
Together they got Nora up into her van — Nora drove by eye but her chair needed a small push at the top — and Ethan helped her mom tie the chair down with hooks on the floor, before saying his goodbyes, a last touch on her wild arm as he closed up the back and watched the van pull away for the night.
He turned back to the house, the music finally turned down. He had quite the mess to clean up.
It was two miles on the bumpy rural roads before Nora heard her mom speak up over the radio. “So, Ethan seems like a gentleman. Did you two have a good time?”
If Nora could’ve bit her lip she would’ve. Not knowing what to say, she eyed a number of pages but could only assemble a weak, “It was cool.”
The eyes that met her in the rear-view mirror knew something had happened, and knew how to read her. Nora’s blushing cheeks said it all.
Nora watched her mom reach back from the driver’s seat before she felt it — oh no — the tickle of fingers on her feet, making her shake and gasp. Ethan had forgotten her shoes!
She sat there, with a tablet full of words and even a few new ones, but had nothing to say to explain herself. She didn’t even want to explain herself, and it took another mile for that to become clear.
“Well, we should probably have him over for dinner so he can bring them back.”